America: Pros and cons

By Harris Kingsley

Pros

  • Shipping and handling is like three bucks
  • Cherry Pop-Tarts
  • Trix
  • NESN
  • Ross
  • Kohl’s
  • Burlington Coat Factory
  • Friendly’s
  • Steak ‘n’ Shake
  • Outback
  • Denny’s
  • IHOP
  • Olive Garden
  • Junior’s Cheesecake
  • Keyboards are in English
  • Doctors weigh you in pounds not kilograms (I’d assume)
  • More bands play there
  • Stores don’t only sell merchandise of the Canadian teams
  • “This video is not available in your country” is not a thing
  • Netflix has good movies by default
  • Better online music radio/streaming
  • Less Rush and Tragically Hip
  • They don’t have elections like five times a year
  • Google’s Project Fi

Cons

  • No Tim Hortons
  • No Swiss Chalet
  • I think their A&W is different?
  • No ketchup chips
  • No all dressed chips
  • No Jos Louis
  • No Smarties
  • No Mr. Big
  • No Aero
  • No Kinder Surprises
  • No Fuzzy Peaches
  • No Mini Eggs?!
  • No Crunchie?!?! What the hell do those kids get at Halloween!?
  • Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups come in packages of two
  • No cream soda?
  • No Kraft Peanut Butter?
  • Milk in boxes?!
  • Yucky Heinz ketchup
  • Yucky Smuckers cherry jam
  • Yucky Aunt Jemima’s maple syrup
  • If keyboards aren’t already in Spanish, they will be
  • They don’t know how to spell some things
  • I have no idea what the temperature means
  • Stores don’t sell hockey stuff period
  • They call hockey “ice hockey”
  • No Corrie
  • You have to like pay to go to the hospital
  • Like guns everywhere
  • I think they have generally less un-women-friendly laws
  • Less horrible cheesy indie films