San Jose Sharks

I feel sort of obligated to make them at least my third team because of how awesome “Holiday Sweater” is. And actually, when I was watching the video, I was like “they’re going to be my second team”, because that video made me forget that Chicago even existed.

I feel like I’m sort of on the path to discovering something about me, though I’m not quite sure what yet. I like hockey, I like bad movies, and hockey players are notoriously bad actors… what does that say about me as a person?

Anyway, so why else should I like the Sharks? Let’s see.

Their colours aren’t red, white, and blue, so that’s a plus. (And let’s just get this out of the way, I don’t have a problem with red, white, and blue because of the Habs, but because sooo many teams have red, white, and blue as their colours. Rangers do a good job of it. Everyone else, meh.) The Sharks have a very distinctive blue, and it is very pretty.

Sharks are a good mascot because Sharks are tough and mean.

They have a Finnish goalie.

I’m trying to figure out who my favourite player would be, despite not even remembering the last time I watched any of their games. Oh yeah, that’s a problem — I can’t watch hardly any of their games, but like, whatever, I don’t need to do that, right? Also it means we don’t have to play them that often, so I can’t be all conflicted and stuff. Not that I would be, because duh, Bruins every time.

Anyway, my thing seems to be that I look at a player and I’m like “pffft, what a stupid name” and then he ends up being my favourite player. Sooo like, let’s look at the rost — oh god. He… he doesn’t spell it like that, does he? I, he, he doesn’t even have an excuse, he’s from Ontario! Uhm, okay, so there’s Micheal Haley.  Ugh, why though? I just don’t think that’s going to work. I think I may have made fun of Tommy Wingel’s name before. I’m not sure how exactly you make fun of the name Wingels, but it’s a silly name, isn’t it? Vlasic’s name makes me think of pickles, and pickles are funny I guess. Something about how Tennyson is spelt bothers me. Oh, do they say Braun like Brown, because if so, gross. Antti is like auntie right, so that’s super funny, and Finnish goalie, come on.

Damnit, why don’t you have a pronunciation guide, Sharks, so I can tell you all how you should pronounce your names?

Oh, so the other thing I do is be like “what a stupid face” and then I’m like “Brad Marchand is the best” so am I going to be all “woo Logan Couture” now or…?

None of you jerks have your birthdays on my birthday so get out. Ew Corey Crawford is from Montreal why.