Jencyclopedia

A stockbroker wants to land a big client.
Harvey Kinkle wants to be the most popular kid in school.

Fantasy Island (2021) played an extra episode this week, so I’ve gotta catch up on this series now, since I was trying to watch them in parallel.

This episode features Nate Richert (Harvey from Sabrina, the Teenage Witch) and Jennifer Garner. The one thing this series does better than the new series is having guest stars I’ve actually heard of. Although, to be fair, we don’t have the benefit of knowing who in the 2021 series is going to turn out to be a star later, because I think this episode was before Jennifer Garner was well-known.

Ariel is upset, and she caused a lightbulb to explode. I feel like Ariel is a more interesting character than Roarke in this series.

Michael Allen: What’s the timezone difference here?
Pilot (not Amelia): Hard to say.

This is like the island on Lost, but this show pre-dates Lost. I highly doubt Lost ripped off this show, so maybe there’s another magical island show that pre-dates both of them that I don’t know about.

Jennifer Garner just pulled a disappearing act… is it gonna turn out she’s a dolphin? Because that would be a little weird.

Roarke: Are you serious? This is Fantasy Island! You can have anything you want!

Okay, make that two things this series does better than the new series: this series uses a lot of the original series catch phrases, and I wish the new series would too; I don’t think Elena has even said “indeed” yet, and it’s such an easy word to just slip in somewhere.

Waaah, and this episode has Jin from Lost!

Ohh shiiiit, no — is Jennifer Garner a mermaid?!?! Please let her be a mermaid. I will take back every bad thing I’ve ever said about this show if this is a Nyah thing.

Roarke: Call Scotty and have him deliver a fresh batch.

I like that they keep mentioning Scotty. He’s like Cousin Hugo, except that we actually saw Scotty once.

Roarke is painting. I don’t like it; that’s Tattoo’s thing.

Michael Allen: You’re a dolphin.

Dammit.

Harry: Dolphins, sir, are mammals. Apart from the way they breathe and a few different organs, they’re very much like you and me.
Michael Allen: I can’t believe that you’re promoting this. You’re saying that I should have sex with an animal?
Harry: Well, it’s none of my business.

Josh Stevens: But my career!
Roarke: Your career is over.

I want this to be a play on “your fantasy is over”, but I’m not sure if that was intended.

Laura Hayes: What the hell is wrong with you?
Josh Stevens: Laura?
Laura Hayes: I’ve asked you a million times not to eat off these plates! These are part of my Ricardo Montalban collection!

😂

I want a collection of Ricardo Montalban plates.

I like that Roarke was like “your fantasy is boring; I’m giving you a better fantasy”. I mean, Our Mr. Roarke did that sometimes too, I think (“you want to ride a horse? I’ll make you Lady Godiva”) but I don’t think he ever outright said “your fantasy sucks”.

Aw, it’s a birthday episode. That’s nice. But there’s Harry in the background, getting ready to sing again. Ugh.

Other than that and the weird dolphin sex thing, I actually enjoyed this episode.

Here’s Jennifer Garner telling a story about being in a shark tank while filming this episode:

She also tells a story about a close encounter with a dolphin:

I like to try to figure out what songs are used in the episodes, but this episode is giving me a hard time.

From 25:01-26:22, at Josh Stevens’ high school reunion, there’s a ’90s pop rock type song with the lyrics:

You’re the one I’ve been waiting for
You’re the one I’ve been waiting for
You’re the one

I can’t make out any of the lyrics after that though. It’s not this song, but it’s the closest I’ve found.

From 33:57-35:31, again at Josh’s reunion, there’s another song that sounds sort of European pop-y with a female vocalist. I can only make out some bits and pieces of the lyrics, and I’m not sure if they’re even right:

My brother says, I can’t ???
But when ??? what’s at hand
They were some awful times

My teacher said (My preacher said?)

Oh, I don’t know what to do
??? stay with you

From 31:48-33:36, there’s an old country song. It sounds like Patsy Cline or Cindy Walker or someone like that:

In my heart ???
(What day am I thinkin’?)
Right beside
And someone goes by
In my heart, I finally ???

I just know it’s time to ???

There’d be no turning back this time
And someone goes by
‘Cause in my heart, I finally made up my–

I found a Reddit post where someone heard the very same song in an episode of a show called Squidbillies, and I agree that the lyrics sound like “in my heart, I finally made up my mind”.

I’m not a huge Patsy Cline fan, so I don’t know for certain if that’s her. I suspect it’s like stock music that was made to sound like Patsy Cline. Stock Music Site has a bunch of results when searching “patsy cline”, but not this song. Regina Smoler sounds a bit like her, then I’ve also found Patti Page and Mandy Barnett searching for “sounds like patsy cline”… but I still haven’t found the song, and I’ve spent way too much time on this.

• Guests:
  • Michael Allen, another ambitious mid-level stockbroker
  • Josh Stevens, straight-A student
• Recurring phrases:
  • Roarke: Are you serious? This is Fantasy Island! You can have anything you want!
  • Roarke: Celtic calligraphy, a lost art form indeed.
  • Michael Allen: Sally. She’s a dolphin.
    Harry: Welcome to Fantasy Island.
  • Josh Stevens: Who wants to write about life when you can live it?
    Roarke: Indeed.
• Roarke’s powers: He has a magic magnifying glass he can use to see into the past.
• Time travel: Josh Stevens travels back to high school (but I think he’s still in high school, so maybe he just travels back a few weeks or something).
• Technobabble:
  • Roarke: It has to do with the tensor equation, the bipolar energy fields.
• Disappearing act: Roarke leaves Josh Stevens in his grim future and disappears.
• Age gap:
  • Deborah Kellner: 21 / Nate Richert: 20 = -1 year
  • Jennifer Garner: 26 / Bradley White: ? = ?
• Cast:
  • Bradley White … Michael Allen
  • Nate Richert … Josh Stevens
  • Jennifer Garner … Sally (Michael’s love interest)
  • Tsai Chin … Rita (Clia’s replacement)
  • Charles Shaughnessy … Rich Baumer (the client Michael is trying to impress)
  • Daniel Dae Kim … Chip Weston (Michael’s business rival)
  • Deborah Kellner … Laura Hayes (Josh’s love interest)
  • Niklaus Lange … Drew Kindle? (one of Josh’s classmates)
  • ??? … Jessica Kindle (Drew’s wife)
  • ??? … Schmitty (one of Josh’s classmates)