Jencyclopedia

A defense attorney wants to represent an innocent client for once.
Erika Eleniak wants to be a virgin again.

Rather than starting in the travel agency, this episode opens in the middle of this guy’s life, so it feels very like a Fantasy Island 2021 opening scene. Oh. Okay. The guy is drunk, he’s been beamed into the travel agency, and now he’s trying to pee on Fisher’s desk. Yeah… maybe not so 2021.

Fisher: Remember, airport, 7am.

I wasn’t really sure before if Fisher would just beam the guests directly onto the plane from the travel agency, but I guess this confirms they don’t.

Wow, I’ve heard of the first four credited actors in this episode. (Come on, FI 2021 — if you get renewed, I’m really hoping to see some familiar faces next year.)

Also, I must mention that Dean Cain starred in Lois & Clark, which also starred Mr. Roarke’s desk.

Mr. Roarke’s desk in Fantasy Island:

Lex Luthor’s desk in Lois & Clark:

September 11, 2021, 7:07 PM

So the lawyer’s fantasy is that he wants an innocent client for once. Hm… do you think he’s gonna end up representing himself, like 1×15 “Fool for a Client”?

Roarke: The police apparently have a very strong circumstantial case.

“Strong circumstantial case” almost seems like an oxymoron? If the case is circumstantial, doesn’t that mean by definition there’s no real evidence? Well, I guess that might make a difference on Vulcan, but not so much on Earth.

Roarke: Objection!
Judge: Based on what?
Roarke: The prosecution is bringing extremely damaging evidence to bear.
Flynn: …that’s the idea.
Roarke: Well, nevermind.

This Roarke is a way worse lawyer then Our Roarke.

Sam Kenneally: Detective Rossi, how many enemies did Jack Mendek have?
Rossi: A lot.
Sam Kenneally: But you picked me as a suspect in his murder.
Rossi: You fit.

What a terrible response. She’s a detective; she should know better than to say something like that. And she probably wouldn’t have immediately admitted to him having a lot of enemies either.

Sam Kenneally: And that neighbour who saw me knocking on Mr. Mendek’s door, did she actually see me enter the house?

Sam’s equally bad at this though; if the prosecution was any good, they would point out that Sam said “me” rather than “the person”, so he’s admitting that he was, in fact, the person at Mr. Mendek’s door.

There’s one last surprise witness; it’s either gonna be the bartender or Fisher… and it’s Fisher! I still don’t particularly like him — or any of the other characters in this show for that matter — but it’s nice that he gets to take part in the main story.

Fisher: He seemed to think that things should be set right.
Sam Kenneally: Objection, your honour. The witness can’t know what I was thinking.
Roarke: Actually… he can.
[The trial continues with no questions from anyone about what he means by that.]

Sybil Hammond: I must be a born slut.

I haven’t written anything about this fantasy, but basically, Sybil wants to be a virgin again, so Roarke is making her re-play every instance in her life where she had sex, and she has to choose not to have sex this time. The first instance was with her high school boyfriend at inspiration point, the second was with her college professor, and the third was with a senator she seemed to be campaigning for. Number two and number three were clearly instances where an older man was taking advantage of her, and it seems cruel to make her relive those experiences, especially when she’s come to Fantasy Island because she regrets what happened.

In between the scenes from her past, Sybil and Ariel engage in “girl talk” while walking along the beach, getting a massage, etc. I don’t have any close friends that I talk with about my personal life, so I don’t really know how women talk to each other in those situations… but I feel like it’s probably not like that. The dialogue in these scenes just seems unrealistic to me. The literal binder full of men Roarke had near the beginning of the episode also seems unlikely.

Harry: What are you doing?
Cal: Uh, kiddie fantasy on the other side of the island.

I’m gonna pretend that this is an intentional reference to the Sunday specials.

Fisher: This tape is from the FWA VIP lounge at the airport.
Judge: FWA?
Fisher: Fantasy World Airways.

Man (V.O): Cal, where are you?
Cal: Sounds like my father.
Man (V.O.): Come on, big guy. Let’s get a move on.
Cal: He’s dead.
Roarke: Yeah.
[Roarke motions toward the kid.]
Roarke: That’s his father.
Cal: His name is Cal?
Roarke: Well, doesn’t he look familiar? Hm?
Man (V.O.): Come on, Cal. Quit playing games.
Cal: Come on, Mr. Roarke.
Harry: There’s a gentleman outside who says he’s–
Cal: Mr. Roarke. Come on, Mr. Roarke.
[Cal starts fading out.]
Cal: Come on, Roarke, what are you doing? Mr. Roarke? Please? Please? Please? I’m sorry. […]
[Cal turns into the kid.]
Kid Cal: Mr. Roarke, I’m sorry. Whatever I did, I’m sorry. Mr. Roarke, what did you do? You changed me into a kid.
Man (V.O.): Come on, son. The airplane’s here.
Roarke: Your father’s done scuba diving for pirate treasure and wants to take you home. You’re ten years old. You’re going to get another chance, a do-over. So… do better.

So… Cal’s not gonna be in the next two episodes? (Or the rest of the series, if it wasn’t cancelled?) It seems weird to write out a main character in the third last episode of the season. I can barely find info about the original series, so I doubt I’m gonna be able to find any behind-the-scenes info about this series, but I wonder if he wanted to be written out, or if that was the plan from the beginning, or if he wanted to be paid as much as Malcolm McDowall or what.

The judge, who had quite a few lines in this episode, seems to be uncredited.

• Guests:
  • Sam Kenneally, a celebrated criminal defense attorney
  • Sybil Hammond
• Similar fantasies:
  • Courtroom: 1×15 “Fool for a Client”; 4×1 “The Devil and Mandy Breem”; 5×2 “The Devil and Mr. Roarke”
• Recurring phrases:
  • Harry: It appears he had a rough night.
    Roarke: He did indeed.
• Not what I asked for:
  • Sam Kenneally: This is not what I had in mind.
    Roarke: You asked for an innocent client, and you got one.
• A legal matter:
  • Roarke: This is a murder case. You did flee the country.
    Sam Kenneally: Yeah, to Fantasy Island.
    Roarke: Well, we don’t have an extradition treaty.
• What you really, really want:
  • Roarke: You came to me looking for an innocent client. That wasn’t precisely correct, was it? What you really wanted was to feel innocent yourself.
• Someone else had a fantasy:
  • Ariel: Well, the plane’s gone. Won’t be back for two days.
    Sybil Hammond: Great. Where’s your bar?
    Ariel: Maybe he can show you. He’s here to see Mr. Roarke. Seems he has an old fantasy about a girl he once chased away.
• Age gap:
  • Erika Eleniak: 29 / David O’Donnell: 24 = -5 years
  • Erika Eleniak: 29 / Philip Casnoff: 49 = 20 years
  • Erika Eleniak: 29 / Gabriel Mann: 26 = -3 years
• Cast:
  • Dean Cain … Sam Kenneally
  • Daniel Von Bargen … Flynn (Sam’s prosecutor)
  • Elizabeth Lindsay … Detective Rossi (Sam’s arresting office and witness)
  • Philip Casnoff … Professor Slocum (Sybil’s professor)
  • Ian Christopher … ??? (probably the kid)
  • Gabriel Mann … number four (Sybil’s love interest)
  • Erica Eleniak … Sybil Hammond
  • David O’Donnell … Ronald “Ronnie” G. Evans Jr. (Sybil’s date)
  • Floyd Vaughn … ??? (maybe Senator McCoy’s assistant)
  • ??? … the kid
  • ??? … Senator McCoy (non-speaking role)
  • ??? … Senator McCoy’s assistant
  • ??? … Judge
  • ??? … Juror
  • ??? … Mr. Burlingham (non-speaking role)