Jencyclopedia

Jayne Meadows wants her daughter, Dorothy Hamill, to be an opera singer.
A resident of Fantasy Island won a lottery, but he died, and Tattoo has to figure out who the man wanted to leave the money to.

This is another completely new-to-me episode; I remember my local TV station skipped a few episodes when they were playing Fantasy Island last year, and this was one of them. I wonder if it’s going to be really or something.

Roarke: Miss Stanton was sent here by her firm to deliver a cheque to the person holding the winning ticket in the Irish sweepstakes.
Tattoo: Who did win? Whose fantasy is it? Anybody I know?
Roarke: Actually, you knew Ambrose Hoskins very well.

Naming the guy Ambrose was a bad idea; I know Tattoo’s friend in 5×17 “Tattoo, the Matchmaker” was Ambrose Tuttle, but not everybody pays as much attention to this show as I do. Although, maybe they were just betting on no one remembering the other Ambrose at all.

Also, the subtitles said “whose friend is it?” instead of fantasy. The quality of the subtitles used to be quite good, but not lately.

Roarke: As quickly as you can, familiarize yourself with the book.
Alison Soames: Hey, what are you doing?
Man: Taking you as my wife, wench. Let’s go!
[Roarke looks pleased with himself.]

Roarke: Tattoo, since you are familiar with all the members of our staff, as well as most of the island population, I want you to look into this matter at once.

Don’t start talking about Fantasy Island’s staff and getting my hopes up unless you’re gonna give me names, dammit.

Beatrice Soames: We have just come from the theatre, and there’s no rehearsal going on.

Umm no, you just came from Roarke’s house. (Or maybe the Hilltop Bungalow; see 6×7 “Thanks a Million”.)

Beatrice Soames: Now, how can Alison star in Naughty Marietta when she doesn’t even rehearse?
Roarke: I sent your daughter back in time so she could experience the true story.
Beatrice Soames: You mean, Alison is actually going to be Marietta?

A man just told you “I sent your daughter back in time” and your first reaction is not “WHAT?!”

Beatrice Soames: Oh no. Captain Warrington!
Herbert Soames: Dear, who’s he?
Beatrice Soames: He’s the romantic lead in the operetta; she’s going to meet him and fall hopelessly in love with him.
Herbert Soames: Dear, what’s wrong with that?
Beatrice Soames: Herbert, he’s a fantasy; there are no real men like him. He’s perfect. And when her fantasy is over, can you imagine her reaction to the average, imperfect, slightly slobby real man?

Aw, this bag is cute. I would like for this to be the Fantasy Island logo.

Tattoo: Now because of all of that money, everybody on the island is claiming to be Ambrose’s best friend.

Herbert Soames: My dear daughter, you don’t know how long I’ve waited for at least one of us to be happy.

Ooooh.

[Roarke and Tattoo go to Ambrose’s cottage to look for clues about who his best friend was.]
Tattoo: Kind of spooky, huh, boss? Almost like Ambrose is still alive.
Roarke: Perhaps he is, Tattoo.
[Margret Stanton and Tattoo look at Roarke.]
Roarke: …in a sense.

Umm… what?

In the last episode, we also had Roarke say something weird, and everyone looked at him; I wish this had become a running gag, because I like it.

Roarke [reading Ambrose’s diary]: “Only one person seemed to understand what it’s like to grow old, to be without companionship. He used to come and visit me, asking for nothing, only to say hello. I hold him as my true and only friend. His name is… Tattoo.”

Awww!

The thing is, we know he’s not going to still be a millionaire by the end of the episode, so we know something bad is going to happen. My guess is that all the other employees are going to be mad at Tattoo, because they think he rigged it, since Tattoo was the one in charge of finding Ambrose’s best friend.

OH MY GODDDDDDDD IT’S SCOTTTYTYTYTYTYSDHFHSDFLKJSDLFJK

I’m so glad I didn’t watch the opening credits, so this was a surprise. I didn’t think we’d ever get a TOS actor on this show. I mean, we had Madlyn Rhue, which was neat, and we had Diana Muldaur, but she’s really more associated with TNG. But a main cast member?! Awww!

Presidential Bungalow? That’s new!

Hahahaha it looks exactly like every other bungalow on the inside.

Roarke: Welcome to the presidential bungalow, Mr. Tattoo. I hope it meets with your approval.
Tattoo: “Mr. Tattoo?”

Okay, what’s Roarke’s game here? He’s putting on an act, which is what he does when he wants to teach someone a lesson… but Tattoo doesn’t deserve that! He won the money because he was the only person on the island who was nice to a crotchety old man.

Tattoo: Hey Mitzi, you want to join us too?
Mitzi: Oh no, I’m afraid we can’t — the rule against fraternizing with the guests.

Hmm, I never heard that rule before. I’m pretty sure Marcia Brady was an employee of Fantasy Island and was also seeing one of the guests (2×17 “The Boxer”), as did the girl in 2×22 “The Comic”; and in the same episode, Tammy (who I assume must have been an employee, because why would Roarke call her “Tammy” otherwise) also hung out with a guest on a boat. Nevermind all the guests Tattoo’s tried to pick up over the years.

Roarke: I trust you’ll enjoy your stay with us. Oh, and I would appreciate it if you stop by my office later on and see me, at your convenience, of course.

I know Tattoo has had fantasies before, and he’s gotten to have a drink and stand by the dock in the opening scene, but he’s never had a “when does my fantasy begin, Mr. Roarke?” scene in Roarke’s office. Waaah, it would be great if they did an episode like that, with Roarke all “but I must warn you” and Tattoo all “oh, I’m not worried, boss”, and Roarke shows up in a disguise mid-episode to help Tattoo, and then disappears when Tattoo turns around.

I still don’t understand why Roarke is treating him like this though; after all, Tattoo didn’t ask for a fantasy.

The goblets again! (See also 5×8 “Lillian Russell”.)

I’m trying to figure out what Tattoo signs on the cheque. I feel like it could be “Tattoo” in cursive, and then a happy face.

Haha, maybe I should have just waited a few seconds, since they end up showing us what he “wrote”. Of course, that’s not actually what he wrote; he certainly didn’t write that many lines or make a large circle.

“Naughty Marietta” is actually pretty much my fantasy, except I wouldn’t want to re-enact a real musical; I want my own original songs, man! And I want Roarke and Tattoo singing too, dammit. You would have thought with how often they write original songs on this show that they would have done an original musical episode — even if they didn’t get Roarke and Tattoo invovled, for which I absolutely would not blame them. (See 2×9 “Mr. Tattoo”.)

Roarke: Do you remember when we had so many guests who wanted to stay and live here after their fantasies were fulfilled?
Tattoo: Yes, that’s when I suggested to have a working rule to make room for the new guests… what are you getting at?

Roarke: I’m afraid you can’t stay on the island any longer.

WTF ROARKE. That’s not very nice!

Oh, I’ve got it — is Roarke just jealous of Tattoo and Ambrose’s friendship?

Why are they doing this. 😭😭😭

Roarke: You do know how much I’m going to miss you, don’t you?

Tattoo: Not as much as… as I’m going to miss you.

Roarke: You understand, don’t you?

NO! This makes no sense!

Roarke: One of the essential elements to fulfill a fantasy is patience.

I thought Roarke was explaining to a couple wearing safari outfits how to do Tattoo’s job, but they explain later on that they’re actually guests. This doesn’t seem like a normal conversation Roarke would have with guests, at least not the way he said it.

There’s that striped dress again. I was right about re-using the dresses on the extras; I was just wrong about which dress it was.

Tattoo: Was it Mrs. and Mr. Clemmon with you over there?
Roarke: Tattoo, remember. Under the present circumstances, I cannot discuss the fantasies of our guests with you.

I love that they’re making up so many rules in this episode. (Mainly so that I can complain when they break them later.)

Roarke: I wonder what Ambrose would have done with the money… had he lived to collect it…

Oh dammit, is Roarke just trying to teach Tattoo to be generous? Really? He had to put him through all that? Tattoo is already a generous, good guy. Why was this necessary?

There’s a slight weird effect on all the closeups of Beatrice. It’s not a soft focus, like they did to all the girls in TOS; it’s something else, like invisible lines radiating outward — I don’t know how to describe it, and I don’t think you can really see it in screenshots.

There isn’t a great shot of it, but Tattoo’s plane ticket says Trans-Global Airlines, so that would seem to be the airline that services Fantasy Island.

[Tattoo has decided to use the money to build a retirement home by the sea in New England.]
Tattoo: It’s kind of a shame that Ambrose is not gonna be there to enjoy it.
Roarke: Oh, he will be, Tattoo. He will be.

Why is Roarke being so ominous still?

Roarke’s jacket was undone, and Tattoo pointed at it to remind him to do it up, awww.

Beatrice Soames: There’s Mr. Roarke; I wonder if that means the fantasy’s ending.
Roarke: It’s time to go, Mr. and Mrs. Soames.

Just say it: “your fantasy is over”.

I hate love it every time Roarke looks so pleased with himself when a fantasy is over.

Roarke: Oh, uh, Tattoo, there is a small matter I need to clear up with you.
Tattoo: Oh, what is it, boss?
Roarke: Well, it’s in regard to your bills.
Tattoo: Bills? What bills?
Roarke: Well, after all, you did have the most expensive bunalow on the island, and then there is champagne, caviar, the finest of everything.

Tattoo didn’t ask for that! You gave it to him, you jerk!

Tattoo: Boss, I gave all my money away. It’s going to take me six years to pay that bill.
Roarke: Well, in that case, I’ll have to charge it to… overhead.

Alright, I loved this episode. The Tattoo thing didn’t really make sense, but it was great anyway.

I’m now very glad I didn’t watch the opening credits, because I would have been so disappointed, waiting for Scotty to show up, and then he was only in one scene; not knowing he was going to be in it made it a nice little suprise instead.

• Guests:
  • Mr. Herbert Soames, his wife Beatrice, and their daughter Alison
  • Miss Margret Stanton, an attorney with the law firm of Peabody, Melton, and Stern
• What you really, really want:
  • Roarke: As for Mr. Soames, he has a secret fantasy, which, if fulfilled, will greatly influence his family’s future happiness.
• Ominous Roarke:
  • Tattoo: Ambrose? But boss, he’s dead!
    Roarke: Which opens the door to a number of very interesting possibilities…
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: nah
• Magic object:
  • Alison Soames [badly]: 🎶 Somewhere over the rainbow. 🎶
    Roarke: Will you open your mouth, please?
    [He sprays something from a perfume type bottle into her mouth.]
    Roarke: Now, try again.
    Alison Soames [like an opera singer]: 🎶 Somewhere over the rainbow. 🎶
  • Roarke: Now, Miss Soames, open the book, and we’ll be on our way.
• Recurring phrases:
  • Alison Soames: I think I better warn you about something.
  • Alison Soames: Mr. Roarke, was that me?
    Roarke: Indeed it was.
  • Roarke: Your mother wanted you to play the role of Marietta, and indeed you will.
  • Beatrice Soames: You mean, Alison is actually going to be Marietta?
    Roarke: Oh-ho-ho, indeed.
  • Tattoo: It sounds nice, no?
    Roarke: Very good, Tattoo. Very good indeed.
• Time travel: Alison Soames travels to colonial New Orleans in the year 1780.
• Employees:
  • Margret Stanton: Mr. Hoskins was a retired merchant ship captain, and for the past seven years, he worked here as your head groundskeeper.
  • Tattoo: I’m gonna miss Suzy, Michael, all my friend, and the boss.
    [Who are Suzy and Michael? The female employee we see in this episode is Mitzi. I don’t think the male employee is ever named, and he’s included in the opening credits, so there’s no credited name.]
• Can’t help you:
  • Beatrice Soames: Bring my daughter back immediately.
    Roarke: Oh, I’m afraid it’s too late for that, Mrs. Soames.
  • Tattoo: But boss! I love it here! All my friends are here! I belong here!
    Roarke: I am so sorry. You must believe that.
• Locations: Presidential Bungalow
• Costume change:
  • Roarke wears a tan coat in Alison Soames’ fantasy.
  • Tattoo wears a black pinstripe suit and a black, maroon, and gold striped tie.
  • Roarke wears a black jacket and white fluffy scarf thing to visit the Soames in their fantasy.
• Roarke’s powers:
  • Beatrice Soames: Do you think that you could wrangle an invitation to the ball, and uh, maybe a new dress?
    [It’s not a lowcut shiny dress this time, since that would look out of place in 1780 New Orleans.]
• Someone else had a fantasy:
  • Roarke: Miss Soames, it’s time to go.
    Beatrice Soames: How could I have put her through this?
    [Alison joins Roarke and her parents. Roarke waits an awful long time before saying…]
    Roarke: You too, Mr. Ames.
    Alison Soames: You’re real? You’re not just part of my fantasy?
    Roarke: Oh, not at all; his fantasy was to play the male lead in Naughty Marietta.
• Leaving with an extra guest: Alison Soames with new boyfriend, Mr. Ames
• Drivers:
  • To the dock: Roarke
  • The Soames’ departure: That Guy
  • Margret Stanton’s departure: I think it’s “Steve”
• Age gap:
  • Jayne Meadows: 63 / David Doyle: 53 = -10 years
  • Dorothy Hamill: 26 / Lorenzo Lamas: 24 = -2 years
• IMDb notes:
  • Jayne Meadows is credited as Jayne Meadows Allen.
  • The family’s name is Soames, not Solomon.
  • James Doohan says he is “the governor”, but his name is never given. The name “Governor Gaspar d’Annard” seems to come from the 1935 movie version of Naughty Marietta, but the article for the operetta calls the governor “Governor Grandet”. I don’t know the original story, so I can’t say for sure who he was actually playing.
  • Hope Lange plays Margret Stanton (not Marion Stamford).