Jencyclopedia

Vic Tayback wants to own a professional sports team… but he doesn’t specify what kind of sports team, so Roarke gives him a women’s roller derby team.
Three ~randomly selected~ people are trying to win a million dollars by doing a good deed.

In my original review of this episode, I complained about the loss of the opening scene banter, which I thought (and still do think) was the best part of the show. However, the long repeated opening allowed me to be a bit late for lunch and not miss anything. I also complained about the dancing girls shot being the same every week — and I noted that that particular shot just doesn’t seem to go well with the music.

Tattoo: Boss, I bet he’s a sport nut.

Roarke: The three of them were selected at random, and are here to compete in a contest that will allow one of them — and only one — to leave Fantasy Island with one millions dollars.

I’ve seen this episode before, so I know what happens, and I know Roarke can’t say much here or it will spoil the episode… but he’s outright lying to Tattoo. If he had said “they” rather than “the three of them”, I would have let him get away with that (and that would be very Roarke, to get all technical like that). I also suspect “selected at random” is a lie. Who selected them anyway? Roarke, the benefactor, a neutral third party?

I guess roller derby was pretty big in the ’70s/’80s, because no modern TV series I’ve ever seen has two episodes about roller derby. Anyway, I’d be very upset if I was George Rocco Chuche Vic Tayback and my fantasy was to be the manager of a pro sports team, and I ended up managing a roller derby team.

They’ve put the Hilltop Bungalow sign outside of the side of the main house, which I don’t think they’ve ever done before. Unfortunately, you can’t see the sign and the house in the same screenshot, but they pan over from the sign to the house in a continuous shot. I wonder why they did that when they have the other perfectly fine Hilltop Bungalow?

Roarke: And may the best man — I’m terribly sorry — may the best person win.

Why write the line like this? Fictional characters don’t misspeak, because they’re actors reading from a script. If they ever misspeak, it’s because there’s a specific reason for it (“I’m doing the breast… best I can”). I’m guessing they wrote it like this because ~it’s funny hahaha~. The only other explanation I can think of is they want to show that Roarke is sexist — which, well, is true, but I don’t think it’s intentional.

Although, Roarke didn’t get really sexist until season 7, I think. Like, he’s been fairly well-behaved so far, right? Maybe it had something to do with Tattoo leaving, like Tattoo was his moral compass or something (oh god). I kind of want to say Tattoo was meant to be a Jerk with a Heart of Gold, but that doesn’t work, because he’s not a jerk. He can be greedy and horny at times, but he’s never really been a bad person (except when under the influence of Sadistic Roarke).

Roarke was the show’s mystery, and Tattoo was the show’s heart. And that’s why it’s such a damn shame that every remake of Fantasy Island has only featured Roarke and not Tattoo. (Well, I don’t know if the movie counts — I haven’t seen enough of it to say for sure.)

But I digress. Back to the episode.

It almost looks like they’ve removed the second front door in this shot. I’m assuming it’s just at a weird angle, and the door is hidden, because it makes absolutely no sense to renovate the side of the house that we never see.

We’ve got That Guy and one of the other drivers sitting at the table on the right.

I hate how every other week, there seems to be a shot of Roarke walking away from his patio towards a completely different part of the island. Like I ~suppose~ it’s possible there’s just an empty field there, and they put a dance floor there one week, and something else the next week — but this little dining area has appeared on the show before, and I don’t think they would constantly move that around if Fantasy Island was a real place.

When I first saw this episode, and Roarke said “I’m going to [the benefactor’s house] for dinner this evening”, I was like hur hur, he’s having dinner with himself, since I thought Roarke was the benefactor, but I was wrong. Also, Eddie Gimball is quite a jerk to Roarke.

Roarke: I’m sorry, Mr. Hackett, but your fantasy is no longer a fantasy. It’s now become very real — as real as all those bills you managed to pile up. Oh, I hope you haven’t written personal checks for them?
Norman Hackett: Well, of course I did! I thought it was part of the fantasy!
Roarke: Oh, I am so sorry. You understand my position, of course; I mean, since the fee for your fantasy was never paid, I cannot be responsible as I normally would for actions taken in the course of it.
Norman Hackett: Roarke, I spent thousands.

It’s nice to have confirmation that the cost of a fantasy is all-inclusive.

Okay, what? Now they’re sitting on the real Hilltop Bungalow steps. I was thinking, well, maybe they had to move the Hilltop Bungalow sign because the steps burned down or something — which is plausible, because Columbia Ranch had so many fires — but nope, the real Hilltop Bungalow is still in tact.

Oh, not again. Hey, maybe the Hilltop Bungalow did burn down, but they filmed the shot on the stairs earlier? But then, they’ve already got stock shots of the Hilltop Bungalow sign, so why would they even bother filming a new one? Anyway, I don’t like the see the bungalows on fire.

Looks like I was right about Tanya Roberts’ dress from 5×22 “Ghost’s Story” showing up in other episodes.

Poor Tattoo.

I wonder where the Fantasy Island Pavilion is located; this building has also been the Fantasy Island Theatre before. I feel like they could be doing like The Monkees often did and re-dressing a building at the film studio, since they’ve used the same building multiple times, and this doesn’t look like the typical building you see on backlots.

Sandy: Leave it up to Norman to come up with crazy idea of us wearing showgirl gowns; boy, he’s something special.

Norman Hackett: And me, as your coach and your manager, I am ordering you to go out there and win that game.
Sandy: Oh Norman, I love it best when you talk to me that way.

Roarke: If you hurry, you can still catch the nine o’clock flight.

I don’t think they’ve ever stated a specific departure time for a plane before.

Suzanne Quinn: You don’t think all people are alike; you just think they’re all like you!

This was a good line. Suzanne didn’t need to be underhanded to win that contest though; she definitely had it won by running into a burning building.

• Guests:
  • Mr. Norman Hackett, who works for a sporting good store in Seattle, Washington
  • Miss Suzanne Quinn, a waitress from Texarkana, Arkansas; Mr. Roy Bradford from Detroit, Michigan; and Eldon Gimball from Fresno, California
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: no
• Magic object:
  • [Tattoo hands Norman a small box containing a whistle.]
    Norman Hackett: Oh, what’s this?
    Roarke: You’ll start with that. Will you put it around your neck, please? That’s it, thank you. Now, just put it to your lips and blow as hard as you can.
• Cancelling the fantasy:
  • Roarke: The Blasters are yours, Mr. Hackett. But of course, you do have a choice; you can either accept them, or stop your fantasy and return home on the next plane.
• Locations:
  • Fantasy Island Pavilion
  • Telegraph Office
• Money:
  • Roarke: This cheque you gave me for your fantasy bounced.
• Costume change: Roarke wears a black tuxedo and black bowtie to the benefactor’s dinner.
• First name basis:
  • Roarke: Mike, where are your parents?
• Leaving together: Suzanne Quinn and Eldon Gimball (well, he’s leaving with her, but I don’t know if she knows it though)
• Leaving with an extra guest: Norman Hackett with new girlfriend Sandy
• Drivers:
  • To the dock: Roarke
  • To the bungalow fire: That Guy, but he’s wearing a Hawaiian shirt instead of his work uniform
  • Suzanne Quinn, Roy Bradford, and Eldon Gimball’s departure: That Guy (one day, I will think of a good name for him — but I’m holding out hope that he’s going to show up in the credits eventually, and I won’t need to come up with a name)
  • Norman Hackett’s departure: I don’t know his name, so I call him “Steve”
• Age gap:
  • Kim Lankford: 28 / Vic Tayback: 52 = 24 years
  • Janet Leigh: 55 / Art Metrano: 46 = -9 years
• IMDb notes:
  • The full name of the male guest in “Thank a Million” is Roy Bradford.
  • The female guest in “Thanks a Million” is Suzanne Quinn (not Suzanne King).
  • The benefactor is Eldon Gimball (not Eddie Kimball).
  • The butler’s name is Phillip (although he is credited as The Bully/Butler).
  • The guest in “Roller Derby Dolls” is Norman Hackett (not Norman Atkins).
  • The Belles’ prospective owner/manager is T.J. Cunningham (not Charlton Gould).
  • John Hall is credited as Manager, but I’m not sure who he actually plays in this episode.