Jencyclopedia

Sammy Davis Jr. neglected his son, LeVar Burton, and the rest of his family while pursuing fame and fortune, and he wants to make it up to them.
Joan Prather has one week to live, and she wants to do something exciting and important in the time she has left, so Roarke decides to let a mad scientist do experiments on her body.

I only saw the beginning of this episode on TV last year, and I thought Miss Jones had the best fantasy anyone has ever asked for. I purposely didn’t watch the end of the episode last year because I thought it looked like an interesting one.

Last year, around this episode is when I started feeling sad that there were so few episodes with Tattoo left, and I was like well, at least I’ll get to go back and watch the episodes I missed, and then it’s like there are brand new Tattoo episodes! Now that I’m nearing the end of season six, I don’t feel sad at all; I feel relieved that I can finally have my life back and stop spending three hours every evening writing these posts and making GIFs and correcting IMDb.

Also, how can I not mention Miss Jones:

Russ Nicholas: I’m going to give you a local anaesthetic, okay? Then I’m going to make a small incision right here, just below your clavicle. I’m gonna secure the implant to some tissue, and then I’m gonna stitch you up. Then I’m going to connect this tiny wire to this monitor, which will show a yellow light for normal physical exertion, orange for strenuous, and red for dangerous physical stress.

Umm… can’t they just tell that from your heart rate and blood pressure without surgery? I don’t see why this is necessary.

Russ Nicholas: This is the implant.
Melanie Jones: What does it do?
Russ Nicholas: Well, basically, it’s a microchip which will be programmed by information supplied by your own blood. That information is then transmitted into a master computer, which diagnoses the problem and prescribes a cure.

According to Wikipedia, blood glucose meters started to be used by people at home in 1981. So if they just need to get her blood… again, I don’t think they require surgery. And even if portable blood glucose meters weren’t a thing back then… she’s in a hospital. They can hook her up to an IV and draw blood however often they want.

Also, how is this implant wirelessly transmitting information to a computer in 1983? I mean, I know Hedy Lamarr invented the precursor to wifi during WWII, so it’s not impossible, but when I think back to my childhood in the ’90s, things weren’t wireless. The only technology I can think of that was wireless is TV remotes, and I’m assuming that was infrared, and so the remote has to be within a certain range of the TV.

(Also, spoiler, I don’t  recall hearing anything about this master computer or diagnosis later on… so what was the point of all this again?)

Melanie Jones: Are there any side effects?

What is this, a commercial?

Edward Ross: My god, she is a hooker.

How can you possibly tell just from seeing her back? Maybe she just likes to dress flamboyantly?

Dina Leigh: A very nice man named Mr. Roarke went to a lot of trouble to find me and talk me into coming here. And I mean it took some real talking.

We rarely hear from guests about how they were contacted to come to the island.

Oh damn! I didn’t watch the opening credits, because I think this is one of only two remaining episodes I haven’t seen most of, and I wanted to be surprised, but I went to IMDb to check their spelling of some character names, and now I’ve been spoiled.

I wonder how they decided whether to put out the Lilac Bungalow sign or the Guest Bungalow sign each day. It seems rather arbitrary. Also, I’d be pissed if I was a guest and my bungalow was Guest Bungalow and then I saw other people had bungalows with fun names like Lilac Bungalow and Hibiscus Bungalow.

Melanie Jones: I’d just like to ask you one more thing… are you married?

Oh, no. That’s such an awkward thing to ask people, especially if they’re your doctor, and especially if you know you’re going to die in a week. You’re putting them in an awful position.

And there’s Geordi! Wish I hadn’t checked IMDb, dammit.

This entire fight scene is in slo-mo, and it’s kind of great.

Edward Ross Jr: It’s a little late for fatherly advice, don’t you think?
Edward Ross: It’s never too late to try to wise up a dummy like you.

Whoa!

Well, I was certainly not expecting to see LeVar Burton punch Sammy Davis Jr. today, but here we are.

Russ Nicholas [completely serious]: Mr. Waverly, I know it was you that tried to steal the monkey.

This line is like “get the cheese to sickbay”.

Russ Nicholas: I want experts in my field working twenty-four hours a day with unlimited funds.

You’re insane! Who would possibly agree to that, even in exchange for a super-strength-granting implant? (Well, Mr. Waverly would, apparently.) Although, going with the Roarke interpretation of this request, that could just mean he’s giving him two experts.

Before the scene between Russ and Mr. Waverly started, they showed a shot of the North Shore bungalow sign. At the end of the scene, they show them leaving the Lilac Bungalow. Come on, people.

Roarke: I believe there is a third and hidden part of your fantasy, Mr. Ross.
Edward Ross: I don’t know what you’re talking about
Tattoo: Me either.
Roarke: Mr. Ross knows precisely what I’m talking about, Tattoo. I want you to go somewhere with me now.
Edward Ross: Mr. Roarke… you know and I know that that’s impossible.
Roarke: I’m afraid I must insist. Tattoo, you handle things here.
Tattoo: But… okay, boss.

Ooh… what’s happening?! This conversation is taking place after we’ve had the shot of the plane arriving, and That Guy has driven Mr. Ross to the dock. This is very unusual!

Roarke: Isn’t that what you really wanted? More than Miss Leigh, more even than your son? To talk to your mother one last time?

My parents are both alive and right downstairs right now, but shit… I don’t think Fantasy Island has ever tickled my eyes before. Damn.

So we don’t get a departure scene for Melanie Jones; the last time we see her is at 41:58, and the last six minutes of the show are completely devoted to the other fantasy. So are we to assume that she did die? In the opening scene, Roarke said she had only one week left to live, so it seems like we should have had a departure scene, or a scene or Roarke letting her stay on the island for the rest of the week. Or a scene explaining that the deal Russ made with Waverly worked, and one of these scientists found a cure for her, and she and Russ are taking the same flight back home. Like what the heck happened with this fantasy?! This is possibly the biggest loose end ever on this series.

Rick Flores (who plays Wally) receives a credit for this episode, as Bartender… but I only remember him being in the restaurant scene with Dina, and he didn’t have any lines or closeups. (And still, That Guy has never been credited.)

• Guests:
  • Miss Melanie Jones from Dallas, Texas
  • Mr. Edward Ross from Detroit, Michigan, a very successful and admired publisher of Finesse Magazine as well as two daily newspapers in New York and Los Angeles
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: no, they cut right after “Welcome to Fantasy Island”
• Mini-fantasy:
  • Roarke: Oh, Mr. Siegel. I’m so sorry your accident ruined your fantasy.
    Mr. Siegel: Ruined? It was going lousy until I broke my leg, Mr. Roarke. But this…
    [There’s a cute nurse and candy striper standing behind him, waiting on him.]
    Mr. Siegel: …this is my kind of fantasy.
• ‘Cause I gotta have faith:
  • Russ Nicholas: I’ll tell you the truth. I would call this whole thing off right now, but Mr. Roarke insists that I do it and has faith in me.
• Last chance:
  • Russ Nicholas: You can still call it off. There’s time.
• Recurring phrases:
  • Roarke: But I warn you to anticipate certain changes in Miss Leigh. She may be… quite different than you expect.
  • Edward Ross: I did all the things that I came to Fantasy Island to do.
    Tattoo: That’s right, boss.
    Roarke: Is it indeed?
• All you need is love:
  • [Roarke and Edward are discussing why Edward has never been able to say “I love you” to anyone.]
    Edward Ross: For some reason, the words just got stuck in my throat and wouldn’t come out.
    Roarke: Perhaps that’s part of your problem, Mr. Ross; the word “love” doesn’t come from the throat… it comes from the heart.
• H-bombs:
  • Edward Ross Jr: What the hell was that?!
• Locations:
  • Phillip Waverly: My yacht’s standing off the shore at North Point.
• Roarke’s powers: He gives Melanie Jones the strength to turn the overturned car right side up.
• What you really, really want:
  • Roarke: I believe there is a third and hidden part of your fantasy, Mr. Ross.
  • Roarke: Isn’t that what you really wanted? More than Miss Leigh, more even than your son? To talk to your mother one last time?
• Location recreation: Edward Ross’ mother’s home
• Time travel:
  • Edward Ross: Mr. Roarke, mama’s been dead for fifteen years now.
    Roarke: When we enter this place, Mr. Ross… we step back into her time. You are merely home on a visit.
• Drivers:
  • To the dock: Roarke
  • To the accident: Roarke
  • Edward Ross’ departure: That Guy
  • To Edward Ross’ mother’s home: Roarke
• Age gap:
  • Janet MacLachlan: 49 / Sammy Davis Jr.: 57 = 8 years
  • Joan Prather: 32 / Michael Lembeck: 34 = 2 years
• IMDb notes:
  • Nigel Bullard’s character is listed in the end credits as “The Photographer”. He is referred to as Nigel in the episode.
  • Renee Gentry is credited as Reneé Gentry.