Jencyclopedia

The devil wants to have a vacation on Fantasy Island.
Audrey Landers and Barbi Benton are old women who want to look like young showgirls again.
Arte Johnson wants to hang out with a famous outlaw in the old west.

Ah, we’re back to fake widescreen again? Boo.

Hang on. Julie’s going with Roarke and Tattoo to greet the guests? And there’s absolutely no dialogue about it? Last week they made such a big deal of “she’s not ready yet”; they needed a quick scene here just to say “alright, I guess you can come with us”.

OH SHIT! The devil is guest. I did not expect that.

Julie: Why do you let Satan come here?

Uh, yeaaaah???

Also, I forgot how hilarious it is how completely serious they take these scenes about the devil.

Oh, hey. Julie is wearing pants. In the opening credits, she wears a skirt, so I thought she always wore a skirt. I like the skirt better. I also liked Troi’s “cheerleader” outfit better than her jumpsuits too, so I’m probably in the minority.

Roarke: Both of you must realize that evil exists in all the world. Unfortunately, I have no power to keep it off Fantasy Island.

Yeaaah, I don’t buy that. You don’t have to let him on your plane.

Well… actually… considering how often Tattoo was able to sneak guests on the plane, I guess it is pretty easy for someone to get on there.

Phew, I’m so glad there are three guests, and they didn’t cut out one of the fantasies again.

So Julie doesn’t get a drink. Again, I wonder how old she’s supposed to be.

Oh, I think this is the first time Ross Bellah’s name appears in the opening credits. Although, maybe it did last episode, and I missed it.

I know that’s Audrey Landers, but it doesn’t look like her.

Roarke: I know Mr. Wagner, of course.
Carl Wagner: Hi, boss, how you doing?

Whoa. No. You do not get to call Roarke “boss”.

Ned Plummer: Dangerous? Of course I know it could be dangerous! Kid Corey is supposed to have killed twenty-seven men. And he didn’t even count foreigners.
Tattoo and Roarke:

This show is legit funny sometimes.

WTF.

🎶 Salesman, where you gonna go, sell all of your goods today? 🎶

Oh my god. This party is the cheesiest thing. It’s like an old Christian lady’s idea of what teenager’s parties look like.

Devil: Why don’t you join me at the party? Oh, I can show you some real action.
Julie [intensely]: You get away from me.

Like, look, I know he’s the devil and everything, but he’s been nothing but polite to Julie so far, and she’s being a jerk to him. It’s like when Q shows up on Voyager for the first time, and they’re all like “I know all about your kind, now go on — git!”

It must have sucked if you were a screenwriter and you wrote a fantasy, and your fantasy gets paired with a devil fantasy or something, so no one pays attention to your segment.

Oh come on, give Julie some sensible shoes.

Dammit, Julie! There’s so much quicksand on Fantasy Island, you think Roarke would have told her how to help someone out of it.

And the devil hardly even helped her; he just caused a branch to fall. If Julie wasn’t so dumb, she could have grabbed it herself, and then she wouldn’t need Roarke to play lawyer.

Uh oh, I think Audrey Landers is gonna steal her best friend’s granddaughter’s boyfriend.

Ned Plummer: Let’s go back to Fantasy Island.
Tattoo: Mr. Plummer, I don’t think you understand. I thought that my boss told you that once you start a fantasy, you cannot turn back.

Oh man, Tattoo is pulling the “I can’t help you” card this week.

Ned Plummer: Tattoo, you’re… gone.

And he gets to pull the disappearing act bit too!

Julie, maybe you should have stayed home today.

Devil: Nevertheless, we have a contract.

Oh please, oh please, show us the contract. Please let it be the same one from “The Devil & Peter Tork” and 3×21 “Jungle Man”.

Roarke: In any case, I have laid a trap for him.
Julie: Let me help you, please.
Roarke: Yes.

Okay… so… surely Roarke knows that the devil has already gotten to Julie? So this is a fake trap, right?

Yellow and purple flowers? No, no.

Roarke: She hasn’t had an evil thought in all her life.
Devil: All the more reason, Roarke, why I delight in her downfall.

“Innocence is at a premium.”

Khan is trying to mind meld with Julie.

Devil: You should know it’s her soul I’m after, and I will take that, at midnight tomorrow.
Julie: No! [to Roarke] Please, save me.

Really? Roarke is obviously going to save you, honey; you don’t need to ask.

Devil: She is mine… unless, of course, you offer me your soul in place of hers.

Or, unless she’s pregnant.

YAAAS

Oh. No. It’s a contract with Roarke? Boo.

Arte Johnson is about to be killed, but he still finds time to whistle when this lady doing a Mae West impression walks in.

I wonder, when people go into the magic room, how long are they actually in there for? Like is it only an hour, and then they have the rest of the weekend to hang out by the lagoon and relax? Or was he sitting on that saddle for two whole days?

Roarke: Well, I have a document here, properly drawn with the usual provisions… but why not see for yourself?
Devil: Julie has sold you her soul?
Roarke: Yes.
Devil: This is dated today. Mine comes first.
Roarke: But this is signed and notarized. We have equally valid claims. I suppose that makes us partners.

Nah, Roarke; I think the devil wins this one. I hope you have something else up your sleeve.

Roarke: Perhaps we should each claim half.
Devil: Half a soul?
Roarke: Yes.
Devil: How can I take half a soul? What can I do with half a soul?
Roarke: Well, you could have it on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays; I will take it Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Sundays, we will have to alternate.

Roarke: Will you escort me personally to Hades?

Okay, look — another Greek mythology reference. Another point for Roarke is a Greek god.

But also, they’re probably just doing this because I think they still can’t say *cuckoo* on television, and that Humphrey Bogart guy really did get one past the censors.

Devil: Oh, I have a much more imaginative future in mind for you; you will continue to run Fantasy Island, but under my direction.

It would have been great if this episode was a season finale, and the next season, they come back, and Roarke is evil. Like how the next Quantum Leap season after it was cancelled was gonna be Al leaping through time instead. I would watch this show.

Julie: Wait! Uh, excuse me?
Devil: What is it now?
Julie: Where… are you going with my property?

Ah damn, Roarke’s done it again.

There are an awful lot of words on that paper though, considering they are presumably just going to void the contracts after this episode is over.

Hey, have they ever shown this shot before?

• Julie’s outfit: pants
• Drivers:
  • To the dock: Wally
  • Joan and Ruby’s departure: That Guy
  • Ned Plummer’s departure: Wally
• Guests:
  • Miss Joan Michaels and Miss Ruby Rogers from a senior citizens’ retirement home in Lee’s Summit, Missouri
  • He calls himself Mr. Nick, but his real name is Mephistopheles
  • Mr. Ned Plummer, a shoe salesman from Brooklyn, New York
• Julie has no faith:
  • Roarke: Their fantasy is to appear in a Fantasy Island revival of the Ziegfeld Girls.
    Julie: Mr. Roarke, I’m sure they’re very nice ladies, but… are they up to it?
• Ominous Roarke:
  • Roarke: Unfortunately, it will test their friendship to the limit… possibly destroy it for all time…
• Roarke’s powers:
  • Julie: Why do you let Satan come here?
    Roarke: Both of you must realize that evil exists in all the world. Unfortunately, I have no power to keep it of Fantasy Island.
• Recurring phrases:
  • Roarke: His fantasy is indeed to go back to the days of the Old West…
  • Ned Plummer: You’re serious?
    Roarke: Oh, very serious indeed.
  • Tattoo: Watch out, here comes Kid Corey!
    Ned Plummer: I’ve had it with that, Tattoo.
    Roarke: Have you indeed, Mr. Plummer?
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: he’s very ominous when he says “welcome to Fantasy Island”, looking at the devil, then he pretends to be normal and toasts the other guests, and then he looks back at the devil
  
• Magic door, magic room, and magic fog:
  • Roarke: Now, if you will just step this way, please…
• Time travel: Ned Plummer travels back in time to the Old West
• Conditions:
  • Roarke: First, you must never tell anyone, under any conditions, that you are only having a fantasy, or it will end immediately. Agreed?
• Costume change:  Tattoo wears a white cowboy hat and outfit while hanging out in Ned Plummer’s Old West fantasy.
  
• Can’t help you:
  • Ned Plummer: Let’s go back to Fantasy Island.
    Tattoo: Mr. Plummer, I don’t think you understand. I thought that my boss told you that once you start a fantasy, you cannot turn back.
• Turn around and Tattoo is gone:
  • Ned Plummer: Tattoo, you’re… gone.
• Not leaving on the plane: the devil
• Leaving with an extra guest: Joan Michaels and Ruby Rogers with Joan’s granddaughter Billie and Billie’s new boyfriend Carl Wagner
• Age gap:
  • Audrey Landers: 25 / Dack Rambo: 39 = 14 years
  • Betty Kennedy: ? / Dack Rambo: 39 = ? years