Jencyclopedia

A man wants to meet King Arthur.
Linda Blair is a country singer who wants her dead boyfriend to play guitar on her latest song.

Oooh, this is a new episode for me; it’s actually the first season 5 episode that I haven’t seen at all.

I was thinking the “intruder” Julie was supposed to find a home for was gonna be a mouse, but it was actually a kitten. I guess they didn’t want us to think there are mice in the Fantasy Island kitchen.

I’m conflicted about whether or not I should watch the opening credits to see who is in this episode. Okay, I’m not gonna watch, so I can be genuinely surprised for once… or not surprised, if no one interesting is in it.

I was visiting my grandma earlier today, and they were talking about gardens and flowers, and I started wondering whether the Fantasy Island flowers could grow in Canada, or if they need a tropical climate. Because if they can grow in Canada, my future backyard will absolutely be Fantasy Island themed. Except, there are lots of plants on Fantasy Island, so that would be a lot of upkeep. Wait, I can put fake flowers in my backyard, right? That way, it’s more accurate anyway. Yes, white chairs, red accents, fake flowers… okay, Mr. Roarke — my fantasy is to be able to afford a decent home in my city in a convenient location so I can make my backyard really tacky.

Roarke: Miss Rollins’ fantasy is to have Billy Williams accompany her on the guitar at her recording session.
Tattoo: But boss, how can he? After all… he’s dead.

Boo, Roarke’s doing the ominous-look-without-answering-Tattoo’s-question thing again.

Roarke: Mr. Rogers’ fantasy is to meet in person the legendary King Arthur himself.

Well, that’s easy; he’s an old buddy of Roarke’s, obviously.

Well, that’s disappointing; I don’t recognize any of the guests. Oh, wait — he’s that guy from the TNG episode who wanted to know how his stocks were doing after 2000 years in statis; he has three names, like Mark Alan Richmond or something. And the girl is Kim Darby? No, Linda Blair? Yeah. That’s a new one. I was hoping for one of our regular recurring actors, but okay.

Hang on… is the shelf blocking the magic door? Why put it there?

Ralph Rogers: What happened? I was there. I saw Camelot. All of a sudden I’m back… with him.
Roarke: I’m sorry. Somehow the polarity reversed itself.

Roarke: Your majesty. I am Mr. Roarke, your host. Welcome to Fantasy Island.

Why do I find this show so funny.

Ralph Rogers: This isn’t what I want. See, I was thinking of knights and ladies and… Camelot.
Roarke: Your fantasy was to meet King Arthur, and you have done so.

Yuuup, buddy.

I don’t think I’d be trusting this ’70s serial killer looking guy. Wait, uh… is that…?

Holy shit, it is Ralph Malph! I never realized it, but he’s got a pretty recognizable voice.

Sarah Jean Rollins: Sam, who is going to accompany me at rehearsal?
Roarke: Oh, I shall, Miss Rollins.

Hang on, so… is he going to be playing guitar? Does Ricardo Montalban actually play guitar? Oh no… is he going to sing? Oh, he’s playing the piano. Good; I know he can do that.

Oh, come on, show him from behind; show that he’s actually playing it. Don’t show just his hands; those could be anybody’s hands! Ah, there we go — oh. Well, that was a very short shot. Come on. Ricardo Montalban can play piano; let him play piano. I can’t remember if Roarke played piano in any earlier episodes, from before I saw Fiesta. ‘Cause after seeing that movie, now I just really want to see Roarke playing piano. I don’t think Khan found the time on Ceti Alpha V.

W-what? What’s going on here?

Okay, so then is Ralph Malph supposed to be this dead Billy Williams guy, but he had to wear a disguise so Sarah wouldn’t recognize him? Is that what this story is?

Wait, and now he’s trying to kill that guy by dropping a light on him? Huh?

Sarah Jean Rollins: His face. It was horrible.

People were so tactless back then. Some people just have horrible faces — deal with it.

Roarke: Mr. Rogers… relaaaax.

“Feel your body sinking… and your spirit riiiIISING… rising OUT of your heads… floating away… into your own world… of ~f~a~n~t~a~s~y~….”

Carol Lynley is in this, and I wish I was more excited, but that was spoiled for me when her face was the featured image on IMDb for this episode. But yay anyway! Every episode needs a Carol Lynley or Phyllis Davis or one of the regular players.

What is Roarke looking at? “Specials du Jour”? Ah, it’s a menu! I wish there was a better shot of it. I don’t think that capitalization is accurate, but I’ve never seen a real French menu. But, well, this isn’t France; this is Fantasy Island. Still, I don’t think that’s proper capitalization pour français.

Sarah Jean Rollins: Todd Porter?
Roarke:Yes?
Sarah Jean Rollins: Well, there’s something about him, but I don’t know quite what it is.
Roarke: Miss Rollins, I cannot tell you anything about Mr. Todd Porter. Not at this time. But there is something I will tell you. He will later prove to be of the utmost importance in the fulfillment of your fantasy.
Sarah Jean Rollins: Todd? But how?
Roarke: You must allow him to play the guitar accompaniment at your recording session. Now I think you will find he is quite talented.

This conversation was a little weird; it’s like Roarke is revealing more than he usually would. Something about this scene just didn’t work for me.

Ralph Rogers: Mr. Roarke wouldn’t do that to me.

lol what is Tattoo wearing. I should not get so excited over seeing a corner, but here we are.

Anyway, they clearly don’t want to admit there’s a door on that wall, but there is definitely a door there. Maybe they’ve just put a shelf in front of it too. What if that’s how Roarke reversed the polarity?! He had to block off the magic doors so that King Arthur would come here instead of the guest going there. That’s gotta be it.

Why is Roarke standing on the stage? They’re not actually performing, but this looks so awkward.

🎶 I watched
The morning sun play shadow games
In rooms that softly sang his name
And I reached out for him

I touched
The pillow nestled where he lay
Called his name and echoes came
I knew that he had gone

Tears I couldn’t hide
And the song within me died
Times of secrets shared
Knowing he cared

I watched
The morning sun play shadow games
In rooms that softly sang his name
And I reached out for him

Where have the shadows gone?
Where are the shadows now? 🎶

Why are there so many country singer fantasies? It’s all country singers and vaudeville; apparently rock doesn’t exist on Fantasy Island, unless you’re friends with the devil.

Roarke pulls a lever, and it gets dark. Um, there are still people there. Then there are sparkles. What? Why does Roarke need a lever to generate sparkles? He puts the lever back, and the sparkles disappear… oh, and his face is beautiful again. Okay.

Ralph Rogers: Um, tell me, Mr. Roarke, about that reverse polarity that brought King Arthur to Fantasy Island?
Roarke: I admit to a slight — a very slight — subterfuge, one that not only satisfied your fantasy, but also made you a knight of the round table.
Ralph Rogers: Hm. And?
Roarke: And, at the request of a very old friend named Merlin, restored peace, love, and harmony in a place called Camelot.

Ah, Merlin was the old friend. I guess that makes more sense.

[Sarah Jean Rollins has gifted Tattoo a guitar. Tattoo starts to play it.]
Tattoo: 🎶 Na na na… 🎶
Roarke: Please, please.
[Roarke takes the guitar from Tattoo and hands it to a Lava Lava girl.]
Roarke: Take it to his room, will you?
Tattoo: But boss–
Roarke: Later, Tattoo, later. Not here.

What? Not cool, Roarke.

• Julie’s outfit: skirt
• Where’s Julie?
  • [Tattoo is holding a picnic basket.]
    Julie: Going on a picnic?
    Tattoo: Not exactly.
    Roarke: Julie, do you recall a few weeks ago when I asked you to take care of a certain intruder the chef found in the kitchen, remember?
    Tattoo: And he asked you to find a nice family?
    Roarke: Because you neglected to fulfill that duty, it would appear that you now have not only the mother, but four more intruders to find homes for. [Roarke opens the picnic basket to reveal a bunch of kittens.] Now, will you see to it, my dear Julie? Please?
• Drivers:
  • To the dock: Wally
  • Ralph Rogers’ departure: Wally
  • Sarah Jean Rollins’ departure: That Guy
• Guests:
  • Sarah Jean Rollins with her manager, Mr. Sam Treacher
  • Mr. Ralph Rogers, an English history buff
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: eh, he hesitates a bit, which is slightly ominous, but not much
• I’m a believer:
  • Roarke: It is of great importance. You must believe, deep within yourself that you fantasy will come true. That is the only way I can make it possible.
  • Tattoo: Mr. Roarke said that you must have faith. You must believe.
• ‘Cause I gotta have faith:
  • Roarke: And keep that faith firmly in your heart, huh?
  • Tattoo: Mr. Roarke said that you must have faith. You must believe.
• Time travel: Ralph Rogers travels back in time briefly, and then King Arthur travels forward in time.
• Magic:
  • King Arthur: Merlin, you muddlehead. What have you done now?
    Tattoo: Uh-oh, boss.
    King Arthur: What manner of sorcery is this?
  • Ralph Rogers: You are in the future, and this is a place called Fantasy Island, and you are here through some kind of uh, uh… magic.
• Technobabble:
  • Rogers: What happened? I was there. I saw Camelot. All of a sudden I’m back… with him.
    Roarke: I’m sorry. Somehow the polarity reversed itself.
• Not what you asked for:
  • Ralph Rogers: This isn’t what I want. See, I was thinking of knights and ladies and… Camelot.
    Roarke: Your fantasy was to meet King Arthur, and you have done so.
• Locations:
  • Fantasy Island Theatre
  • Lilac Bungalow (mentioned, but I don’t believe it is seen)
  • The Green Castle
• Recurring phrases:
  • Roarke: Oh, yes, indeed. She’s wonderful, Mr. Treacher.
  • Ralph Rogers: Did you see it? It really happened?
    Roarke: Oh indeed, Sir Ralph, knight of the realm.
• Costume change:
  • Tattoo wears a red and green jester costume.
  • At the masquerade, Roarke wears a… I don’t even know what this is. A fake mustache and wig, a white hat, and a white cloak with stars and moons on it?
    
  • At the masquerade, Tattoo wears a knight costume.
• All you need is love:
  • Sarah Jean Rollins: Mr. Roarke, you can’t let him do it! You gotta stop him!
    Roarke: You can stop him, Miss Rollins, but only by the strength of your love.
• Magic path:
  • Roarke: If you follow the road to the sea, your majesty, you will find Camelot.
• Leaving with an extra guest: Sarah Jean Rollins with new/old boyfriend Billy Williams
• Age gap:
  • Carol Lynley: 39 / Tom Smothers: 44 = 5 years
  • Carol Lynley: 39 / Robert Mandan: 49 =10 years
  • Linda Blair: 23 / Don Most: 28 = 5 years