Jencyclopedia

Stuart Whitman wants to break a curse that causes the men in his family to murder their wives.
A secretary wants to be the boss, but it’s 1982, and women are only good for one thing.

This is a new season, and a brand new episode for me, so I’m excited.

Ooh, new shots in the opening credits.

Ah, I guess season 6 didn’t have opening scene shenanigans. Oh well. At least it’s not fake widescreen.

Oh my god, Roarke is driving them to the dock! Waaaat.

There was a little part of me that hoped they might have a small line about Julie having to go back to school or something to explain her absence, but I’m not surprised she gets no mention.

There are new dancing girls and new music; this is the music that I most remember. But I feel like I remember the shot of the dancing girls being exactly the same each episode — which would be nice, because I had to take video of every shot in season 5, and that was annoying, but it’s also kind of boring to have the same thing every week.

Roarke: Miss Whitney is tired of the injustices her occupation often forces her to endure. Her fantasy is to become the boss.
Tattoo: I know the feeling.

So this is just 3×5 “The Boss” again?

I’m very disappointed that Roarke still has the same drink he had last season. Wasn’t that drink a carryover from season 4 too? I feel like he had a different drink every episode in season 1, and then a different drink for each season for seasons 2 and 3.

Ew, I don’t like these new chairs in the office. Is this a temporary thing? I thought the other chairs were permanent. I don’t remember these chairs.

I like this woman playing Linda Whitney though; she is a character.

Linda Whitney: I’ve been a secretary with Fresh Magic Cosmetics for fifteen years now. I know that company inside and out. I’ve got great ideas, great ones! But do I get the credit? No! Do I get a promotion? No! Do I get overexcited? You bet!

Linda Whitney: I’m going to be great. I will be decisive, but fair. I will be tough, but gentle. I will be cre–I only have two days to prove myself?

The magic door leads to Linda’s office, but Roarke still has to beam her in for some reason; she can’t just walk through the door.

That is a terrible outfit. Or maybe it’s just the way she’s standing.

Ed Turner: I think you’re gonna prove a theory of mine right.
Linda Whitney: Yes?
Ed Turner: Well, basically, it’s that a woman just can’t cut it as an executive.

On this series? Yeah, she’s probably gonna prove that.

Jack Friday: I’m Jack Friday–
Me: Your love interest.
Jack Friday: –your new secretary.

Okay, let me guess. She’s gonna learn that ~love~ is more important than being successful in business… for a woman.

Jack Friday: I’m not prejudiced. I’m looking forward to working for you.
Linda Whitney: You are?
Jack Friday: Yeah. I mean, women who have attained your level of success have worked hard to get there. They tend to have their priorities straight, and are generally more compassionate and understanding than their male counterparts… they also have better legs.

I’m confused about the geography of Linda Whitney’s fantasy. Roarke has “moved [her] office to Fantasy Island”, and apparently, he’s moved all the people in it too. So is this all meant to take place on Fantasy Island? There’s an exterior shot of a big tall office building; did Roarke move that to Fantasy Island too? Do these people realize they’re in Fantasy Island? Do they have bungalows for all these people? I feel like this is outlandish, even for Fantasy Island, so that line about moving her office to the island was just for Linda’s benefit.

They were talking about the character Linda was going to meet for lunch, and his name is Vito, which obviously, my brain is wired for the Monkees, so I think Vito Scotti. And it turns out Vito is played by… Vito Scotti.

This Vito character treats Linda exactly the way you imagine he would (“you get your endorsement, I get lucky”). And I started thinking… what could a person really do back then if this happened? You could complain to HR, but what can they really do? Nowadays, you could call the harasser out on social media, and then at least you could feel like some justice has been done, and hopefully, calling people out like that is a disincentive for other people who might think to try the same thing. And yes, cancel culture is not perfect, because there are surely people being cancelled who don’t deserve to be cancelled. And then there’s the old line about it’s better that a thousand guilty people go free than one innocent person be imprisoned. But feeling helpless is no good either. There’s just no good solution here.

[Linda Whitney is meeting with a big movie star, trying to get her to endorse their product. Jack Friday enters.]
Jack Friday: I’m sorry to interrupt, but your son’s on the phone; he needs to know right away if it’s okay to sleep over at Jeff’s tonight.

Fire that secretary right now. That is not an urgent matter that any meeting needs to be interrupted for.

Oh no. The movie star is attracted to the secretary. Oh god, is he gonna sleep with her, and the moral of this episode is gonna be if you’re a businessperson, you need to sleep with people in order to be successful? Okay, I don’t honestly believe that’s what’s gonna happen; I’m just trying to think of the worst possible scenario so that maybe the real moral won’t sound so terrible.

This is the second time that I can recall people being literally trapped in a haunted house (5×9 “Night of the Tormented Soul”). I think they also tried to break the windows in that episode (which wow, someone trying something smart?), and it didn’t work there either.

Linda Whitney: I promised myself that if I ever got the chance, I’d be different. Now I find that I’m treating my secretary the way Ed Turner used to try to treat me.

Oh, okay, so the lesson is that her boss isn’t a bad guy.

Roarke: Well, you know, Miss Whitney, perhaps you are only doing what you have to do to be a success.

Oh no, Roarke is condoning this? Well… at least that’s consistent with Roarke’s character.

Linda Whitney: You mean being venal and rotten and corrupt?
Roarke: Oh, there are those who believe those qualities are a businessperson’s best weapon.

Ah, okay, so the lesson is women aren’t cut out for business, because they can’t do the things that have to be done to make deals. Got it.

I’m not certain, but I think that’s probably the same contract from 3×21 “Jungle Man” and 5×2 “The Devil and Mr. Roarke” and “The Devil and Peter Tork”.

Okay, so the actual lesson was don’t compromise your integrity and honour, yada yada, Klingon stuff. Phew.

In the other story, Kathy Moreau ended up breaking the curse by telling her husband she loved him. Well, that’s not lame at all.

Oh my god, Roarke and Tattoo didn’t even make any offensive comments during Linda Whitney’s departure! That’s new. (Hey, this story was written by two women. Hmm. And Linda Whitney didn’t even have a love interest? Nice.)

Tattoo: Is that true that the top guy is only as good as the people who work for him?
Roarke: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.
Tattoo: Oh wow. In that case, you must be great. Right, boss?

• Guests:
  • Miss Linda Whitney, a secretary for Fresh Magic Cosmetics
  • Mr. Jesse Moreau and his wife Kathy
• Ominous Roarke:
  • Roarke: His fantasy is to be rid of his nightmare forever.
    Tattoo: What does he dream?
    Roarke: That he murders… his wife…
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: slightly, but it’s a short shot
• Friend of Roarke:
  • Roarke: The president of the conglomerate that owns Fresh Magic Cosmetics is an old and dear friend of mine.
• Location recreation:
  • Roarke: To make you feel more at home, we’ve moved your office to Fantasy Island.
  • Kathy Moreau: You mean you want us to go to that house in France?
    Roarke: No, no. Here on Fantasy Island, the house will exist exactly — exactly — as it was in the past, but only for the duration of your fantasy.
• Magic door: Linda Whitney’s office is through the magic door.
• Recurring phrases:
  • Roarke: I must also warn you… the only weapon you’ll take with you is your love for each other.
• Locations:
  • Tonga (I can’t quite read the smaller text; Malaysia restaurant, maybe?)
  • Fresh Magic Cosmetics
• Disappearing act:
  • Kathy Moreau: Did you hear that, Mr. Roarke? …Mr. Roarke?
• Leaving with a new job:
  • Tattoo: Madam vice president.
    Linda Whitney: Oh, you heard?
    Roarke: That your fantasy is now a reality? Oh yes. Congratulations, Miss Whitney.
• All you need is love:
  • Roarke: But now, through the power of your love for each other, you have removed that curse forever.
• Religion:
  • Tattoo: Boss, I like it this way better.
    Roarke: Amen, Tattoo. Amen.
• Drivers:
  • To the dock: Roarke!
  • Linda Whitney’s departure: I don’t know his name, so I’m gonna call him “Steve”
  • The Moreaus’ departure: That Guy
• Age gap:
  • Barbara Rush: 55 / Stuart Whitman: 54 = -1 year
  • Pamela Hensley: 32 / Vito Scotti: 64 = 32 years
  • Gloria DeHaven: 57 / James Houghton: 33 = -24 years
• IMDb notes:
  • Gloria DeHaven is credited as “Sophie” on IMDb, but her character is actually named Joanna Holland. IMDb tends to not accept corrections to character names unless their name actually appears in the episode though.