Jencyclopedia

A man wants a perfect child, so Roarke tries to teach him that there’s no such thing.
A woman wants to find her missing fiancé, and she ends up on an island full of zombies.

I believe I saw the beginning of this episode last year, but it didn’t really interest me.

Oh, wow! Recurring actress Jayne Meadows Allen wrote “What’s the Matter with Kids?” I don’t know if we’ve ever had that before, but I don’t usually pay attention to writing credits.

Roarke: But I must warn you, the natives of Barraga Island — that’s where you’re going — are extremely superstitious; I’m afraid I can’t guarantee your safety.

Are there any islands near Fantasy Island where the natives aren’t superstitious?

That Guy is driving the boat. And he’s still. not. credited! Whaaat? My fantasy is for this guy to be credited just once!

I’ve always wondered whether Roarke is capable of mindreading. It seems like he must not be, otherwise, he would have known what Helena was feeling in 2×8 “Return”, and I feel like there are other occasions where people have done things that have caught him off-guard, like in 5×18 “Sitting Duck” or 2×23 “Cornelius and Alphonse”… or every time Tattoo arranged a fantasy behind Roarke’s back.

But here, Roarke is able to materialize Little Patrick, The Perfect Child exactly as Stuart Wharton describes him. Roarke was also able to conjure up Dennis Cole’s perfect bar in 6×5 “Everybody Goes to Gilley’s”. So it seems like Roarke can’t hear your inner thoughts exactly as you do, and he doesn’t know everything you’ve ever known as soon as he meets you, but he is certainly able to sense your desires — that’s why Roarke always knows what people really, really want without being told, like in the last episode, 6×19 “Edward”. And if Roarke can’t get a clear enough picture of your fantasy, he’ll tell you to concentrate.

Helena is really the only one who trips this theory up, because Roarke couldn’t sense her fantasy — but that’s kind of a special case. Maybe he couldn’t sense her desire for him because he was confusing it with his desire for her. Yeah, that sounds plausible.

I’ve also always wondered whether Q are capable of mindreading. Methinks it’s the same as with Roarke — exactly the same. Riker Q knew what everyone’s fantasies were in “Hide & Q”. Q knew Data’s fantasy at the end of “Deja Q”, and he tried to grant Riker’s fantasy, but Riker “don’t need your fantasy women”. “Tapestry” is just Q granting Picard’s fantasy. I can’t think of any instances where Q knew something that he couldn’t have known unless he was a mindreader, but I also can’t think of any instances where the crew did something that Q didn’t expect. Honestly, I just need to analyze every Q episode and write a post about how Q and Roarke are the same.

I was watching Fantasy Island, wasn’t I?

Every time Roarke’s window is open, it gets smashed. (See also 6×13 “Let Them Eat Cake”.)

Why doesn’t Tattoo sit in the front seat?

There’s the white and red building across from the bungalow again; I guess that building is actually there. (See also 5×22 “The Ghost’s Story”.)

Roarke: It isn’t very often, I assure you, that my staff forgets to give our guests keys to their bungalow.
Tattoo: Boss, I’m only human, you know.

Oooh.

[The bungalow is a mess.]
Stuart Wharton: Place looks like a store after the gypsies moved out.

This is the weirdest dance scene.

Margaret Wharton: If you weren’t so busy going around straightening paintings and correcting grammar and squeezing toothpaste tubes from the bottom…

If you correct someone’s grammar and you aren’t an English teacher, you’re probably a jerk… but are you telling me there’s something wrong with squeezing toothpaste tubes from the bottom?!

Andy: Want some cookies? We made ’em fresh.
[Stuart takes a cookie.]
Stuart Wharton: They’re… burned on the bottom.
[He throws the cookie back on the plate.]

Look, I’m willing to not squeeze my toothpaste from the bottom, but I don’t want to eat burned cookies!

I think Wally is the lead zombie.

Margaret Wharton: I thought Stuart was the one being selfish, but I was selfish too.

Is this the first time we’ve had the “well, the man may have been wrong… but so was the woman!” moral? The gold standard for that is coming up in 7×2 “The Big Switch”. Anyway, nah, Stuart treated a little orphan boy like crap; Margaret told Stuart if he was gonna be a jerk, she was gonna leave him and adopt the boy on her own. I don’t think she was being selfish.

So Jayne Meadows Allen wrote this story, and she starred in the story along with her husband, Steve Allen, and he did the music for this episode. Neato.

I’ve always been curious about Danielle Aubry; her name shows up in the credits a lot (she was in six episodes, according to IMDb, with one episode uncredited), but she always plays minor characters. I’m not even sure where “The Woman in Tweed” is in this episode; the only scene I can imagine is during Stuart’s lecture at the end, but I don’t see anyone who looks like her. Anyway, I wonder if she was part of the crew on the show as well

Chuck Hicks has also made a lot of small appearances lately. He’s a stuntman, so maybe he was like Wally and Tama, doing stunts on Fantasy Island, and then filling in whenever they needed a tough guy character.

• Guests:
  • Miss Erica Nelson, an executive for a New York fashion magazine
  • Mr. Stuart Wharton, the famous writer, and his wife Mrs. Margaret Wharton
• Ominous Roarke:
  • Tattoo: Do you know where he is?
    Roarke: Oh, yes, Tattoo. I know where he is… but I am not at all sure I know… what he is…
  • Roarke: Neither of them has any idea that it’s a fantasy that could destroy their marriage…
• Recurring phrases:
  • Tattoo: You mean, they’re not here for a fantasy?
    Roarke: Oh, indeed they are, Tattoo.
  • Erica Nelson: Tell me, how long will it take me to get there?
    Roarke: About two hours. But I must warn you, the natives of Barraga Island — that’s where you’re going — are extremely superstitious; I’m afraid I can’t guarantee your safety.
  • Stuart Wharton: Would it help if I uh, described the perfect child to you again, Mr. Roarke?
    Roarke: Actually, I should warn you that–
    Stuart Wharton: You see, obviously, it could be either a boy or a girl…
  • Roarke: That’s precisely why I’m here, Miss Nelson: to warn you that Dr. Cristofey is a practitioner of voodoo.
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: he’s maybe slightly ominous
• Neighbouring islands:
  • Roarke: All I know for certain is that Dr. Cristofey recently purchased an old copra plantation on one of our outer islands, and that a man fitting your fiancé’s description is with him.
• Roarke’s powers: He beamed in the perfect little boy that Stuart Wharton described.
• Costume change: Roarke wears a safari outfit and red ascot to Erica Nelson’s fantasy. (Were ascots a big thing in 1983?)
• Magic object:
  • Roarke: This salt, very rare, but found on Fantasy Island, must touch the zombie’s lips, and if administered without fear — without fear — the victim will be released from the spell.
• I’m a believer:
  • Roarke: Remember, Miss Nelson. The key is belief, not only Richard’s, but yours as well. Believe in yourself. Believe in your intelligence, in your love for him.
• First name basis:
  • [Roarke usually only calls employees, children, royalty, and his lovers by their first names, so this is odd. Boy, someone must have been fired for this egregious mistake!]
    Roarke: The key is belief, not only Richard’s, but yours as well.
• Disappearing act:
  • Roarke: These are your weapons. If they fail, you will not leave this island alive.
    Erica Nelson: I understand.
    [A zombie roars. Erica turns to look.]
    Erica Nelson: Mr. Roarke, I–
    [He’s gone.]
• All you need is love:
  • Stuart Wharton: The only thing in the world that really approaches perfection… is love.
• Leaving with an extra guest:
  • Erica Nelson with fiancé Richard Yates.
  • The Whartons with new son Andy.
• Drivers:
  • To the dock: Roarke
  • Erica Nelson’s fantasy: Roarke
  • Erica Nelson’s departure: That Guy
  • The Wharton’s departure: un-dead Wally
• Age gap:
  • Jayne Meadows Allen: 63 / Steve Allen: 61 = -2 years
  • Gayle Hunnicutt: 40 / Christopher Connelly: 41 = 1 year
  • Gayle Hunnicutt: 40 / Jared Martin: 41 = 1 year
• IMDb notes:
  • Dr. Lewis Cristofey is listed on IMDb as “Dr. Lewis Christophe”. I don’t know how you actually spell his name, but Christophe is misleading, because they don’t just pronounce his name like /krɪstəf/ — there’s an /ej/ at the end.