Jencyclopedia

Gilligan and his friend want to spend the weekend on an island occupied by beautiful, ~untamed~ women.
Marcia Brady wants to save her long-lost sister from an abusive husband.

I first saw this episode last year before 6×21 “Remember When…”, because CTV has the episodes in the wrong order, and I watched the episode on CTV that day rather than on my local station. When I saw my local station was playing 6×21 that day, I assumed they had skipped 6×22, maybe because Marcia’s story had a line about “I know he forced himself upon you against your will”, or maybe because “Love Island” was considered offensive to modern sensibilities… but no, CTV was just wrong.

Roarke: According to the information they provided us, Mr. Mitchell is a highly successful restaurateur, and Mr. Kearns is a nuclear physicist.
Tattoo: You’re kidding!
Roarke: No, I’m not kidding. They describe themselves as international playboys who have become bored in their conquest of everyday women and are seeking new challenges.

Not sure if I believe the “information they provided”.

Marcia is so like her mother (see 5×10 “The Sailor”).

[Roarke is leading Don and Tim through the jungle to Love Island.]
Don Mitchell: You’d think the transportation would come with the fantasy.
Roarke: Everything that’s necessary has been provided, Mr. Mitchell.
Tim Kearns: How about a heart transplant?
Roarke: Perhaps I should have slowed down. After all, hiking is not what men of the world, like yourselves, are known for, is it?

I always like when Roarke subtly (but somehow also over-the-top-ly) calls people out on their lies, like in 2×2 “The Big Dipper”.

Tim Kearns: What are the facilities like on the island, Mr. Roarke?
Roarke: Well, I think they could be described as, uh… rustic. Yes.

Usually, I complain about Roarke corrupting people’s fantasies, but these guys lied to him, so I think what Roarke does to them is fair. Also, they specifically said “untamed” women — what the hell were they expecting?

The stop motion dinosaurs from 3×20 “One Million B.C.” have returned. I think Roarke probably sent them to the exact same place.

That’s a nice shot of the Deeds mansion.

Don Mitchell: Would you look at that one.
Tim Kearns: Which one?
Don Mitchell: The one with the great set of trunks.
Tim Kearns: I like the one with the biiig smile.

Tim Kearns: Either we’re in some kind of a time warp, or else…
Don Mitchell: Or what?
Tim Kearns: We’ve been sent back to prehistoric times!
Don Mitchell: Mr. Roarke wouldn’t do that to us.

Stephanie Wilson: Mr. Roarke, can’t you help me?
Roarke: Oh yes, I can help you, Miss Wilson, by terminating your fantasy, but I’m afraid there is nothing I can do for your sister.

The first time I saw this episode, it annoyed me that Roarke seemed to keep offering to terminate fantasies, while telling other guests, “sorry, I can’t help you”. I guess it all goes back to “Fairness is such a human concept. Think imaginatively! This game shall in fact be completely unfair.” (oops, wrong immortal) “There are no rules on Fantasy Island, except as I make them.”

Anyway, Roarke does go on to say he can’t help her sister because he has no authority on this island, so that kind of makes sense. I think I need to write a post on the rules around cancelling a fantasy. My theory is that Roarke can’t cancel fantasies if they involve magic, but Stephanie’s fantasy would not seem to involve magic, so that’s why he offered to cancel it. I also wonder if maybe “but I must warn you” is some magical legal phrase in the jurisdiction of Fantasy Island, like “you have the right right to remain silent”, and if Roarke “must warn”s you, then he’s no longer able to cancel the fantasy… but I doubt the writers put that much thought into it.

Stephanie Wilson: Mr. Roarke, do you have any idea what’s going on here?
Roarke: If you are referring to the abducted oil minister, yes. The authorities have been notified. They’ll arrive from the mainland tomorrow morning, and he’ll be freed.

But then why can’t Roarke alert the authorities about Stephanie’s sister being raped and held against her will?

Roarke: But I caution you… look to the sky, Miss Wilson.

That doesn’t make any sense. How is that cautioning her?

Don Mitchell: I think she kind of likes me.
Tim Kearns: Nah, you’re not ugly enough for her… on the other hand, the light’s pretty dim in here.

I feel like the writing in this story is funnier than your average Fantasy Island story. I usually only laugh at Roarke and Tattoo’s shenanigans, but the fantasy itself is quite funny. It was written by Jim Tisdale, who did not write any other Fantasy Island episodes.

I’d kinda like to write a post looking at the different writers on the series — like who wrote the silly episodes, the boring episodes, the offensive episodes; how many female writers were there — but I think that might be going too far. I like to imagine there’s someone out there like me who has discovered Fantasy Island and been annoyed that there’s no one else to share their hobby with, and thus, they find some enjoyment in reading my posts… but I suspect I’m the only person who will ever read these. Anyway, if this fictional person did exist, I could see them enjoying episode summaries or a “Here’s why Roarke is Q” post, but I don’t imagine anyone in existence would ever want to read an analysis of the writers on a forty year old show. But I still may enjoy writing such a post so… maybe one day…

Richard is wearing the same shirt and robe that Mr. Siegel wore in 6×19 “Extraordinary Miss Jones”.

Roarke: This is Love Island. Rustic setting, beautiful, untamed women. It is what you wanted, isn’t it?
Tim Kearns: It’s what we wanted, but not quite what we expected.
Roarke: Nor are you two what I expected, gentlemen.

Tim Kearns: Ah, come on. Pull the plug, Mr. Roarke. Just end the fantasy.
Roarke: Oh no no no, I’m sorry; you must see your fantasy through until its conclusion.

What did I tell you?! In the very same episode, Roarke offers to cancel one guest’s fantasy while telling another guest “sorry, I can’t cancel a fantasy once it has begun”.

Don Mitchell: By tomorrow morning, I’ll be dead; I’ve gotta fight a duel to the death with an ape man.
Roarke: Really? Tch. Well, I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do…. however…
Don Mitchell and Tim Kearns: Yes?!

Tim Kearns: We didn’t realize before, but everything’s relative; what might be beautiful to one person might be downright ugly to another.

Fantasy Island sometimes seems to have morals that come out of nowhere. There was some brief discussion earlier about “oh, the ugly chicks are in charge, and the beautiful ones are the rejects”, but that was about it. Is that really what Roarke wanted to teach them? Seems like a very elaborate way to tell someone “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. And also, wouldn’t a better lesson for these guys be not to lie about who you are?

Tattoo: Even their clothes are better, boss.
Roarke: Uh… a little better.

So I’ve now finished with all the Tattoo episodes.

I want to take a break from Fantasy Island for a bit, because it has kind of consumed my life for the last eight months. Generally, it takes me 3-4 hours to watch an episode and write a post and take screenshots and make GIFs and correct IMDb and get lost in Wikipedia articles about the Cotton Club or Elizabeth Bathory or what have you, so that’s basically all I have time to do on weekdays after work. I had hoped to see all of the original series, and Fantasy Island (1998), and Fantasy Island (2020) before Fantasy Island (2021) premieres in two days, but once I realized that that wouldn’t be possible without watching multiple episodes a day, I decided to try to just finish season 6, which I have now done, and I feel relieved.

If not for this new series premiering now, I would have been able to watch the series at a nice, leisurely pace, and in the proper broadcast order… but what can ya do. I originally didn’t think I would re-watch season 7, because I’ve seen all the episodes except 7×18 “Mermaid and the Matchmaker/The Obsolete Man”, but I’m gonna have to, because I need to track all the rules and warnings and indeeds and whatnot. But shall I watch season 7 or the 1998 series first… hmm…

Oh dear. There are a bunch of videos on the Fox website about the new series, and apparently there’s a special airing tomorrow… so I guess I can’t quit quite yet.

• Guests:
  • Miss Stephanie Wilson, a graduate student at a small university in southern California
  • Mr. Don Mitchell, a highly successful restaurateur, and his best friend, Mr. Tim Kearns, a nuclear physicist (at least, that’s according to the information they provided; Don is actually a fry cook at Louie’s Bar and Grill, and Tim is a junior high school science teacher)
• Ominous Roarke:
  • Roarke: Unfortunately, what Miss Wilson doesn’t know is that being reunited with her may very well lead to tragedy for them both…
  • Roarke: If you are that determined, Miss Wilson… I suggest you prepare yourself for a night far more devastating and frightening than you’ve envisioned so far…
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: no, he looks at Tattoo
• Neighbouring islands:
  • Stephanie Wilson: In the last vision, I saw Linda somewhere close by, on an island near Fantasy Island, but I’m not sure exactly where it is.
  • Roarke: Your sister is staying at an estate on the tiny island of Taloha, about 30 miles to the southwest.
• Magic tunnel:
  • Roarke: This tunnel leads directly to Love Island.
• Time travel: Don Mitchell and Tim Kearns are sent back to prehistoric times.
• Can’t help you:
  • Stephanie Wilson: Mr. Roarke, can’t you help me?
    Roarke: Oh yes, I can help you, Miss Wilson, by terminating your fantasy, but I’m afraid there is nothing I can do for your sister.
  • Don Mitchell: By tomorrow morning, I’ll be dead; I’ve gotta fight a duel to the death with an ape man.
    Roarke: Really? Tch. Well, I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do.
• Cancelling the fantasy:
  • Roarke: Oh yes, I can help you, Miss Wilson, by terminating your fantasy, but I’m afraid there is nothing I can do for your sister.
  • Tim Kearns: Ah, come on. Pull the plug, Mr. Roarke. Just end the fantasy.
    Roarke: Oh no no no, I’m sorry; you must see your fantasy through until its conclusion.
• A legal matter:
  • Stephanie Wilson: Why not?
    Roarke: Because I have no jurisdiction or authority on this island.
• Warnings:
  • Roarke: At this moment, I am more concerned about you, Miss Wilson. Under the circumstances, I think it’s… unadvisable for you to continue with your fantasy.
    Stephanie Wilson: Well, I don’t care about your advice!
  • Roarke: But I caution you… look to the sky, Miss Wilson.
• Disappearing act:
  • Stephanie Wilson: What do you mean, “look to the sky”? Well, what is that supposed to… Mr. Roarke?
  • Roarke: You are not as alone here as you might think.
    [There’s a roar in the distance. Don and Tim turn around to look.]
    Don Mitchell: We know it.
    [They turn back. He’s gone.]
    Don Mitchell: Hey, wait a minute. Mr. Roarke!
• Roarke saves the day: He arrives with the calvary to save Stephanie Wilson and Linda from Richard Winston (although Linda had pretty much already taken care of him).
• Leaving with an extra guest: Stephanie Wilson with her sister Linda
• Drivers:
  • To the dock: Roarke
  • To the island where Linda lives: I can’t tell, but he’s driving a white jeep, not a Fantasy Island car, which makes sense, because they aren’t on Fantasy Island
  • Don Mitchell and Tim Kearns’ departure: it looks like a new guy, and there’s not a good shot of him, so I can’t really tell
  • Stephanie Wilson’s departure: That Guy
• Age gap:
  • Patty Kotero: 23 / Bob Denver: 48 = 25 years
  • Britt Ekland: 40 / Peter Mark Richman: 56 = 16 years
  • Britt Ekland: 40 / Jan Triska: 46 = 6 years