Jencyclopedia

A former Vietnam vet wants to get revenge on his buddy.
A roller derby skater wants to act like a lady for a weekend so her daughter can marry Riker.

I did see this full episode already (because Jonathan Frakes), but I guess I’m watching it again.

Wendover Steel? You mean Hazard Ironworks?

Tattoo apparently has a cousin named ‘Ugo (uh, Hugo).

Felix Van Dyke: Well, Tattoo, I could as easily turn her into a lady as I could turn you into a basketball center.

No short jokes; they all go over my head.

Is “Mr. Roarke can do anything” turning into a catchphrase?

“Can you really make me a lady?” “If you’re certain that’s what you want.” — I feel like we get exchanges like this a lot, where Roarke’s like “are you sure that’s what you want?” but I don’t want to keep track of that.

Whoa, whoa, hold up. They just showed an establishing shot of Roarke’s house, and then it looks they’ve cut to inside a bungalow — there’s a bedroom with blue walls in the background. Oh, okay, this is a montage. Is this next shot supposed to be the office? I guess I need to pay more attention to the bungalow sets.

Roarke: So you were thirty-two miles inside of enemy-held territory?
Ted Harmon: That’s how far we had to go to make it back to our lines.
Roarke: That’s almost exactly how far you must go now.

Roarke delivered this line in a very Pilot Roarke-y way — like he’s being a bit sadistic here.

So they show an establishing shot of one of the other buildings, then cut to Tattoo watching Rowdy Roberts on TV, alone… so is this Tattoo’s house? Oh, Rowdy Roberts just walked in, so I guess this is her bungalow. Too bad. We never do see where Tattoo lives, do we? Anyway, now I know that was definitely a bungalow earlier after they showed the establishing shot of Roarke’s house.

Roberts: Just the thought of facing those Wendovers and all their millions…
Tattoo: Money is not everything.
[Roarke gives him a look.]
Tattoo: [mutters] What am I saying?!

There’s a mini-fantasy this episode — the guy who loses weight by chasing pretty girls — and I remember seeing that at the time I first saw this episode. My mom and I were both annoyed that there was no closure for this fantasy. Now, having seen the earlier episodes, I understand that this happens all the time.

Roarke: All we have is the prenuptial dinner tomorrow night, the wedding the day after that…

This scene takes places at night, 28 minutes into the episode, so I think it’s fair to say this conversation happens on Saturday night. So this fantasy seems to be going a bit longer than most; like usually they’re supposed to be outta there Monday morning, right?

Roarke: …both private affairs, so if we restrict them to guests only, we should be able to avert World War III, don’t you think?

lol at Khan trying to prevent World War III.

Bwhah, Riker’s character’s name is Kirk.

Oh my god, the damn front door to Roarke’s house has a wall right behind it too! WTF kind of stupid floorplan is this?

What?! Roarke has a birthday?! I’m honestly surprised that’s a thing. Oh no, and he’s got a cake too? That shoulda been my birthday cake.

There’s only one IMDb review today, and it’s from someone whose username I don’t recognize, but lol:

Every episode and story ends with Roarke’s summary like he’s Jerry Springer’s Final Thoughts

I thought I might start keeping track of recurring things, so here it is:

• Tattoo’s scheme of the week: a diploma mill
• Roarke’s drink: orange with a lemon slice
• Ominous shot of Roarke raising his drink: nope
• Recurring characters: Chester the monkey
• Recurring phrases:
  • Drusilla Roberts: I may be a hopeless case.
    Roarke: Oh, come now, Mrs. Roberts. Have some faith. This is Fantasy Island, and here, anything is possible.
  • Roarke: Come now, Mrs. Roberts. Where’s your faith? I told you — this is Fantasy Island!
  • Roarke: But I must warn you, in a fantasy this exotic, I cannot guarantee your safety. Once you begin, you’re out of my hands.
  • Roarke: Endowment fund, indeed.
  • Roarke: Not good enough indeed.
• Location recreation:
  • Ted Harmon: This is incredible. Looks just like Miechow Point. Even the river down there. This is a fantastic recreation, Mr. Roarke.
• Tattoo has no faith:
  • Tattoo: Boss, did you ever have a fantasy which did not work?
• Mini-fantasy: Mr. Mel Buzzby losing weight by chasing pretty girls
• Fantasies lasting longer than a weekend:
  • Mel Buzzby: I’ve only been here a week, and already the doctor says I’ve lost fifty pounds!
• Surprise guest:
  • Hooligan Hanratty
  • Joe Beck’s “dead” brother
• Not what you asked for:
  • Drusilla Roberts: You promised me that my daughter’s marriage would go off without a hitch.
    Roarke: Oh, I hate to contradict you, Mrs. Roberts, but I made no such promise
    Drusilla Roberts: Yes, you did–
    Roarke: No, I guaranteed that you would be a gentile lady for the weekend, during which time you would give your daughter away in marriage.
• Cost: Betty Wendover paid $2,500 in expenses to fly Hooligan Hanratty to Fantasy Island
• Leaving with an extra guest: Joe Beck with his “dead” brother

I was gonna keep track of any time Tattoo mentions women or money, but… I don’t wanna be here all day.