Jencyclopedia

Jan Brady wants to contact her dead twin brother.
George Maharis wants to be rich, and he doesn’t really care what his wife wants.

So I realized I forgot an important thing about Roarke’s office; they haven’t had this in season one or two, but in later episodes, there’s a “just step through this door, and your fantasy will begin” door in his office. I felt like that door was on the wall opposite Roarke’s desk, but I checked a few episodes, and I could only find one episode where it was used (5×8 “Lillian Russell”). My guess is that door was mostly a season 3 or 4 thing — although I thought there was one episode in season 7 where they used it. Anyway, in “Lillian Russell”, the door was on the fourth wall! And they showed the whole wall! Waaah!

So that causes problems for my floor plan a bit, because in my imaginary Main House, the fourth wall is shared with Tattoo’s office wall, or maybe a kitchen wall. Although, that house loves its useless hallways, so maybe I’ll just put a tiny hallway between the two rooms.

Anyway, on with the show.

Roarke: Good morning, Tattoo. That’s a nice looking horse.
Tattoo: What horse? Oh, you mean that horse.
Roarke: Ohh, you see him now, do you? Where did he come from?
Tattoo: Well, boss, that’s a funny story.

“I was on the beach, doing handstands, when this little boy asked me to watch his horse for him.”

Joe Capos: It’s impossible.
Roarke: Is it, Mr. Capos?
Tattoo: You seem to forget, this is Fantasy Island.

Hey! Tattoo doesn’t usually get to say “This is Fantasy Island.” I’m happy for him that he got to say it. I’m also happy that Roarke acknowledged that Tattoo stole his line.

I can just never look at George Maharis without thinking “that’s a handsome man”. Thanks a lot, Davy Jones. Hey, Maharis and James Darren were both in Fantasy Island; why didn’t Davy ever show up on Fantasy Island? I wish the Monkees woulda done more TV appearances post-Monkees.

Wow, that’s a lotta people in Roarke’s office at one time.

Also, Leslie Nielsen again. It’s interesting that he always plays the villain on Fantasy Island and Roarke plays the good guy, while the roles are reversed in Naked Gun.

Victor Lativa: What makes you think that Tom will contact us here, on Fantasy Island?
[Roarke looks smug.]
Victor Lativa: Or perhaps we should ask that of our host, Mr. Roarke.
Roarke: Perhaps you should.

This is basically why I watch Fantasy Island. Sometimes, I feel like sit through forty minutes of crap just for two minutes of Sassy Roarke. Roarke sort of reminds me of the Affably Evil trope, except that after the first few episodes, Roarke isn’t evil at all, so that’s not it. He’s mischievous, sure, but definitely not evil. He’s confident — he’s the puppet master, and he knows it, but he doesn’t let anyone else know that he knows it. I can’t articulate exactly what I mean, and I am trying very hard not to compare him to other omnipotent beings here, but basically, what I’m trying to say is Roarke is a great character.

Roarke: Oh, we found such a place, Mr. Lativa. And I’m afraid before I allow any of you to go there, I must warn you that, uh, you could be probing into areas where perhaps mortals were not meant to probe.
Victor Lativa: You do that very well. The, um… ominous warning.

Ohhh myyy godddd. This guy is me.

I feel like the photo of the Jan’s house might possibly be the same photo from that “Nightmare” episode… ah, nope, they’re completely different houses.

Ooh, he’s got a map of part of Fantasy Island. There’s nothing really interesting on this map, since it’s only showing ~the other side of the island~, but at least it’s something.

Wait–how do latitude and longitude work?! The horizontal line at the top of the map is marked 25N. The Triton symbol is at the vertical line between 75º and 76º, and below the horizontal line 25N. So, if I’m doing this correctly, that puts Fantasy Island in… India.

There is, however, what looks like a 42º vertical line followed by the 74º, 75º, 76º lines… so Fantasy Island might be kinda like that episode of Voyager where they were just tryin’ to find the bridge, please, has anybody seen the bridge, where’s that confounded bridge. In which case, 25º, 42º is in the middle of Saudi Arabia.

Victor Lativa: Seems you’re quite a magician, Mr. Roarke.
Roarke: Magic, Mr. Lativa? I’m just a man who fulfills fantasies, nothing more.

I think I saw almost the entire first half of this episode before, because I remember the seance, I remember the mysteriously appearing box with the map, and I remember my mom being like “why are they diving wearing those heavy jeans and sweaters?”

Tattoo: It’s not funny, boss.
Roarke: Well, I should think not; watching another man grow rich, while you, Tattoo, have the same old fantasy still unfulfilled.
Tattoo: You know that’s not it. Sometimes, I don’t understand you, boss. Look at all the phonies around him; they’re making him crazy.

Tattoo can be very sentimental every once in a while, and I like that; it’s a nice change from money and women all the time.

Are they gonna keep the horse as another recurring pet for Tattoo?

In this scene where Roarke and Tattoo discuss Tattoo being a horse thief, the shots are tight closeups, and the lighting seems very harsh, so I wonder if they shot these at night.

Capos is all upset that his wife isn’t wearing a fancy enough dress… to the tiki restaurant. ‘Cause that’s a real classy joint.

Clare Conti: Tom, is that you?

Tommy, can you hear me?

I’m so glad the murderer was the nobody guy in the background and not the obvious villain Victor.

Also, the seance scenes were great (ie. terrible) and part of the reason why I like this show.

Okay, so everybody’s just gonna stand by while this guy threatens Jan Brady with a knife?

I don’t know this beach, and that makes me sad. Like there’s not much to go on, but I feel like I should still be able to figure it out.

Oh, come on; he could have donated the statue to a museum rather than throwing it back in the ocean.

“You mean… the ghost… was a real ghost?” Do I need to start tracking every time Roarke refuses to explain something to Tattoo?

What about the horse? Don’t leave me hanging, guys. Aww, Tattoo gets to keep the horse. I appreciate that this show always wraps up its C plots.

• Tattoo’s shenanigans: he found a horse
• Recurring phrases:
  • Roarke: “What horse?” indeed.
  • Joe Capos: It’s impossible.
    Roarke: Is it, Mr. Capos?
    Tattoo: You seem to forget, this is Fantasy Island.
    [Roarke gives Tattoo a look.]
  • Roarke: Oh, we found such a place, Mr. Lativa. And I’m afraid before I allow any of you to go there, I must warn you that, uh, you could be probing into areas where perhaps mortals were not meant to probe.
  • Clare Conti: It burned to the ground when we were nine years old.
    Roarke: Indeed.
  • Joe Capos: Millions? Did you say millions?
    Roarke: I did indeed.
• Ominous Roarke:
  • Tattoo: What do they want from us?
    Roarke: Nothing more than a chance for Miss Conti to talk to her twin brother.
    Tattoo: That’s all?
    Roarke: Oh, that’s all, Tattoo. But it’s not as easy as you might think. You see… Miss Conti’s brother… has been dead for a year now.
• Roarke’s drink: the regular
• Ominous shot of Roarke raising his drink: nope
• Location recreation:
  • Joe Capos: This lagoon, and this house. When I was a kid, there was a painting in the front room of my house. It looked exactly like this, you know?
  • Clare Conti: Oh my god. That’s the house where Tom and I grew up.
• The other side of the island:
  • Roarke: I’ll arrange this afternoon to have you taken to the other side of the island, where this house is located. [The house where Tom and Clare grew up.]
• Last chance:
  • Clare Conti: That was my room up there; Tom and I used to play–
    Roarke: There is still time to cancel your fantasy, Miss Conti.
• Mini-fantasy: Mr. Stanley Cronin, a client whose fantasy was to be more than a mild-mannered newspaper reporter.
• Tattoo has no faith:
  • [Remaking on Stanley Cronin’s fantasy to be Superman.]
    Tattoo: Well, I guess everything is possible on Fantasy Island.
• He’s dead, Jim: Cousin Claude
• Someone else had a fantasy: Mr. McCloud, the guy who inspected the ~missing gold statuette of Triton~ was actually a fry cook in New Jersey
• That’s weird; we never had that before: Mr. McCloud leaves on the plane too, but separately from the other guests