Jencyclopedia

Mr. Furley wants to be a casting director… but like actually be a casting director.
Carol Brady thinks she’s a jinx because a cult is killing all her love interests.
Lisa Hartman wants to figure out if she should be a nun or marry John Saxon.

Wow! This episode is full of past/future Fantasy Island guests!

Tattoo: What’s his fantasy, boss?
Roarke: Oh, one shared by millions of red-blooded men throughout the world Tattoo.

Roarke: Mr. Birdsong, an avid movie fan all his life, wishes to become casting director for a major motion picture.

Hey! It’s the shot of Roarke at the waterfall again.

Roarke: The young man you wrote me about is already on the island; you’ll meet him before the weekend is up.
Mary Hoyt: That’s amazing; I wasn’t even able to tell you his last name.
Roarke: Well, when you told me his first name was Colin, and he had done veterinarian work at the convent farm, it wasn’t too difficult to trace him.

Yeah, I feel like it wouldn’t have required any special powers to track this guy down; Mary’s just easily impressed.

Well, this is predictable — Mr. Furley’s not gonna be interested in any of the beautiful actresses; he’s gonna end up with the producer’s secretary, Phyllis Davis.

I think in each of the last three episodes, there has been talk about financial angels. I had never heard of this concept until I started reading Hacker News five-ish years ago, and I thought this was a recent thing and only in tech. But the gamblers had angels, and somebody had an angel yesterday too, either the boxer or for the burlesque show. Anyway, I wasn’t gonna mention this, but I just remembered that angel references are kinda significant. I know there’s the bit on the Wikipedia article about Montalban thinking of Roarke as being an angel, but I don’t know if that’s something he came up with himself, or if the writers told him this or what.

Okay, so here’s the original source for that quote — there’s a two and a half hour interview with Montalban, and it’s all on YouTube, eeeee!

Well, you know the character Mr. Roarke, I had to identify with him–identify him with something. I said why is he can grant these fantasies, they can go back in time, forward into the future, he can do all kinds of things. What is he? He’s not God, certainly–there’s only one God. He’s not the devil, no. What is he? What is he? And even though the audience didn’t realize what I was thinking, but I had to have something to hang on to–what is he? And I decided, this man, it was an angel that still had a little bit of sin of pride in him, a little too proud. I played up sometimes when Tattoo would say, “Can we do that, boss?” “Of course we can do that, Tattoo.” You know what I mean.

Ricardo Montalban interview, Archive of American Television

I don’t want to watch too much of this interview, ’cause spoilers, but okay — so this was apparently something he came up with himself, but then, this interview happened long after the show ended, and people don’t always remember things exactly the way they really happened, and there are always twelve people who will try to take credit for the same idea. But this is what we have to go on now.

Anyway, that last bit with him doing “Can we do that, boss?” waaaah oh my god. I love it.

And the other day, when I was gushing about Roarke and how I love him being all confident and sassy, well, that’s exactly what Montalban was going for.

I also realized I’ve always ignored the purgatory part of the Wikipedia page quote. And… yeah, look, this is an hour and a half episode; I already know I’m not getting anything else done this evening, so I’m not even gonna start thinking about that.

Also, speaking of Montalban, the other day, I thought “hmm… I wonder if he can sing?” And then I remembered

I also wasn’t gonna mention Mike Vejar as director, because I thought I’d seen his name on here before, but this is actually the first Fantasy Island episode he directed. Anyway, he later directed a bunch of ENT and VOY and DS9, so that’s cool.

WAAAAAH! They showed the fourth wall of Roarke’s office!

Although, it’s very uninteresting. But at least we know where that rooms ends. For now.

Jane Garwood: We never even found his body.

Carol Brady Jane Garwood: I’m a jinx; everyone’s been calling me that, and that’s what I am.

Okay, Cousin Oliver.

Roarke: If there is some force of evil plaguing you, then to stop it, we must draw it out.
Jane Garwood: But how?
Roarke: With a proper bait. There is a man here on the island who, starting this afternoon, will act as your suitor.

Now who could that be…

Roarke: He’ll take you dancing, riding, on moonlight strolls… all you have to do is pretend to fall in love with him.

Hm, who likes to go horseback riding…?

Jane Garwood: But he would be placing himself in great danger.
Roarke: Your fantasy was to find out if you are a jinx; I know of no other way.
Jane Garwood: Who is this man?
Roarke: I.

Jane Garwood: Oh no, Mr. Roarke. I can’t allow you to do that.

Pfft, what are you talking about? This is his island.

Roarke: Allow me? Miss Garwood, this is Fantasy Island. My island.

Yup. Saw that one coming.

Roarke has pulled this bit a few too many times, the “in order to fulfill your fantasy, you just have to pretend to be in love with me” thing. I’d been thinking of Roarke the same way I think of Spock, ie. basically asexual, but that’s completely wrong — Roarke is just as horny as Tattoo; he just hides it well. I mean, after all, why would he have “an island that people can go to and all of their sexual fantasies will be realized” if he wasn’t interested in that kind of thing?

Back to the important stuff though — I’ve been wondering for a while whether the walls behind the front doors and front window are actually green, or if they just look green. I want them to be white so they match the wall outside Roarke’s office.

Marsh: See that? New boyfriend already. One more death and the TV ratings will go right through the roof again.

Wasn’t this basically the plot of a Quantum Leap episode?

Roarke: Many, many years ago, some of the ancient tribes practiced witchcraft, perhaps even human sacrifice, in that clearing.

Uh, you mean at the Guardian of Forever?

Oof, look at this red and white bridge! They’re really showing off their new sets today.

John Saxon: How about dinner tonight?
Lisa Hartman: Oh, well, um…

His name’s Colin, you idiot! He’s why you’re here! I guess she’s never been big on asking for names though.

Colin McArthur: I understand they have a wonderful luau here.

Okay, luaus are now A Thing.

Mary Hoyt: I’m in the hibiscus bungalow.

Hm, is this the first named bungalow?

Oh, she knew it was Colin all along? Doesn’t she know that when you’re an actor acting, you’re supposed to do a bad job so we know you’re acting?

Wait, does Wally do stunts for Roarke? I can’t honestly tell who did the stunt, but omg, I never even thought of that. That would be great.

There’s a shot through Roarke’s office window of the Black Mass dude running away. We can see the overhang of the patio roof or whatever that’s called, and there’s Pepper’s spiral perch. There’s also a big plant that doesn’t seem to match any plants I’ve ever seen in front of the house, and there’s a stained glass lamp hanging from the patio ceiling.

And now Roarke’s off running out of the office! Waaah, show us the hallway!

Nope, no luck. But we do get a nice shot of the open door, and strong lighting inside.

I’m gonna say the wall is white; if it’s green, then it’s very light green. Also, in this shot, the front windows nearest Roarke’s front door clearly have curtains, while the window we saw a second ago in Roarke’s office clearly had shutters. That stained glass lamp is visible front the front, but not Pepper’s perch or the plant. Early on, I had hoped there were two sets of windows at the front of the house to go with the two sets of doors, but that just doesn’t match with the Columbia Ranch exterior, so I can’t make that work.

Now Roarke has run away from the house a bit, and I can’t really tell if this is supposed to be the main house or a bungalow behind him. More stunts. Now, he runs to his car, and the fountain is visible in the background, so he hasn’t gotten far, or there are multiple fountains. Eh, none of the geography of this scene is working for me.

One thing I really wanna figure out is the extent of Roarke’s powers. Like, did he know that cobra was in his desk? Did he know when the hunter put a deadly scorpion or whatever in his jacket? Because he always reacts like he doesn’t know about these things. But there are so many things he does know about, so it’s like why does he know this but not that? Maybe it’s like how he didn’t seem to know Helena was in love with him; he also doesn’t know when people are trying to kill him… eh, I guess that kinda works.

Roarke: Whoever it was seems to know the island as well as we do.

Hm. Okay.

Hey, a falling in love montage; we don’t get too many of those. No “You Are So Beautiful” this time though.

Awwww, the puppies!

Mary Hoyt: Colin has asked me to marry him.

I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get a lotta mileage outta this GIF.

I’m so glad I didn’t decide to keep track of Roarke saying “I see”.

Now in Roarke’s office, we can kinda see a paved walkway out his window. I don’t think that really matches up with the actual exterior; like I think you would see a dirt road there instead.

Uggh, they’re doing the establishing shot of the main house, then cut to the bungalow again.

Wah, who made this confused rainbow?

Roarke: Anything yet?
Island Guy: Quiet as a cemetery, Mr. Roarke.

I think this guy is one of the other drivers. He got a line, so he should be credited, right?

What character is Paul Kendall? The actor who plays him is in two other episodes, and he’s also a stunt man on the series — and he was in Wrath of Khan, aaahhh!

Tattoo: Him? Who?
Roarke: The one responsible for… the curse. And if I’m not mistaken, someone who’s come onto our island… uninvited.

Jane Garwood: Oh, it’s been absolutely quiet. As a matter of fact, I’m getting so bored that I don’t think that–

Yeah, I bet you would get bored in that big house with only one room.

WTF Roarke, now is not the time to fondle Mrs. Brady’s face.

Roarke: Paul Kendall. The man who arranged the Black Mass. The one man whose body was never found.

Welp, that answers two questions.

Did Roarke just kill that snake? That was unnecessary.

Oh my god. There’s a little table across from the chair in the hallway outside Roarke’s office. How can anyone fit by there?

Aw, I’m glad Tattoo’s horse showed up again. He doesn’t have a name though, and that makes me sad.

• Recurring characters:
  • Cousin Hugo is in the hospital because his girlfriend threw him over a cliff when she found out he was married
  • Tattoo sells his horse to pay off Mrs. Brady so she’ll leave the island, but Roarke buys the horse back in the end
• Tattoo has no faith:
  • Tattoo: Can you do that, boss? Can you bring that man here?
  • Tattoo: But boss, if this has something to do with the supernatural, how can we help her?
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke raising his glass: nope
• Recurring phrases:
  • Jane Garwood: Oh no, Mr. Roarke. I can’t allow you to do that.
    Roarke: Allow me? Miss Garwood, this is Fantasy Island. My island.
• Locations: Hibiscus Bungalow
• Costume change:
  • Roarke wears his riding outfit
  • Tattoo wears a Hawaiian shirt during a luau
• The other side of the island:
  • (Not necessarily the other side, but)
    Roarke: Every place has its dark secrets, and Fantasy Island is no exception. Many, many years ago, some of the ancient tribes practiced witchcraft, perhaps even human sacrifice, in that clearing.
• Songs:
  • “The Hukilau Song”
  • “Lei Aloha, Lei Makamae” (apparently? this is the only page I can find with the same English lyrics — …will find me waiting / I’ll sing to you my song of love / Will you take my hand… / … / We’ll be as one forever more
• Leaving with an extra guest: Felix Birdsong with his new girlfriend, Jean Arden