Jencyclopedia

A comedy writer wants to be a comedian.
A woman wants to cheer up her crippled sister by having her meet her convict pen pal.

I think the other day, I had a dream where we briefly saw Tattoo’s office. I have a problem.

Roarke: At this moment, he’s being flown from a military prison in Japan to Leavenworth prison in Kansas.
Tattoo: But, boss… how are you going to bring them together?
Roarke:

Anyway, assuming Fantasy Island isn’t constantly leaping around the world, this would mean Fantasy Island is in the Pacific Ocean (or that’s an extremely inefficient plane trip).

Oh my god. Where do I even start with this Tattoo scene? First, we had:

And now, we have:

And Roarke’s reaction is just beautiful.

Oh my god, I’m gonna end up giffing this whole scene, aren’t I?

Roarke: I’ve arranged for you to be the opening act at a small nightclub on the north side of the island.

Since he’s specifying the north side of the island, I feel like that means the north side is the ~other~ side. Which is what I said before; I always felt like the dock is at the south side of the island. Well, I mean, if I knew where the dock actually was on the Columbia Ranch lot, then we could approximately place it on the island using the position of the sun.

I wish Fantasy Island was more consistent with the fonts in its signage.

Roarke: This is Fantasy Island. You are approximately forty miles northwest of us on a bearing of 320 degrees. We have an emergency landing strip on the south end of the island. Please alter your heading to 1-6-0.

I don’t know if this tells us anything about the location of the island, ’cause I don’t understand bearings and headings. But why is Roarke the air traffic controller? Doesn’t he have a buncha extras to do that for him?

Waaait. Somehow, this all connects to Breaking Bad and thus Q.

Oh dang, and I just realized we have a convict on the plane. There’s probably also a doctor and a lottery winner and a conman and a…

Marshall Grennan: This is my prisoner. You got some place I can lock him up while they’re getting the plane fixed?

Yes, I’m pretty sure Fantasy Island does have a jail.

Roarke: Oh, but you have nothing to worry about; there is no escape from the island.

Ooh, a hint of Pilot Roarke in this line.

I never noticed these beams in the middle of Roarke’s office before; I know there are some beams by the stairs, but there are also two out in the middle of nowhere. They’re been there all along, but I guess I wasn’t paying attention.

Dang it — there’s another shot looking out Roarke’s window and showing the fountain. I was hoping it would be a one-off, because that doesn’t jive with my layout of the main house. Okay, I’m calling it — there have to be two fountains, because otherwise, this just doesn’t work. There have been three episodes now where they’ve shown shots looking out Roarke’s office window to what appears to be the front of hte main house, and the establishing shots zoom in towards those windows, so clearly, they intend Roarke’s office to be at the front of the house. But the opening sequence in every episode does not allow that, because there is not a wall directly behind Roarke’s windows. (Besides, the patio doesn’t work if we put the office there.) And, that would also put the door to Roarke’s office closest to Tattoo’s entrance, and that doesn’t make sense either, because no one ever uses that entrance.

Roarke: I think you should see Miss Larson anyway.
Mike Banning: Oh really?
Roarke: Really. If not, a fuel pump to fix your airplane’s engine might conveniently be found in the next few minutes.

Ahh! There’s a woman delivering something to the bungalow, and she’s wearing the same outfit Marcia was wearing! Continuity!

But like dang, what happened? We go from uniforms with long-sleeves and long pants in season 2 to a lei in lieu of a shirt in season 7.

Oh, I guess this is cool — in “The Comic”, the main character is a Love Boat cast member, and the love interest would later join Love Boat as a cast member.

Mike Banning: You’re prettier than I thought you’d be.

“‘Cause from your letters, you sounded like an old hag.”

Roarke: Why don’t you help the lady?
Sandy Larson: I don’t need any help.

WAAAh oh my god, and there’s a character in a wheelchair! I need her to give us a “don’t tell me what I can’t do!”

Ah, I also just realized the prison marshall is the guy from the TOS prison episode, “Dagger of the Mind”.

Tammy: It’s terrible. You better do something quick.
Roarke: About what, Tammy? What happened?

“Tammy”?!? WTF. Who is Tammy? Why is Roarke calling her Tammy? What is Roarke’s relationship with Tammy such that he calls her by her first name?

OH MY GOD wtfljdslfksdflkl 😭😭😭 Freddy Weller is performing a song about Fantasy Island?? I can’t.

I wanna go to Fantasy Island, Fantasy Island
And let my desires run free

I want to go where there’s nothing but fun
And I can become someone I’ve always wanted to be

I see me now on Fantasy Island, Fantasy Island
Where everyone’s smilin’ at me

With someone to fan me, and someone to hand me
A drink when I want it as I lay beneath the coconut tree

Let’s take a trip to Fantasy Island

Okay, clearly, Freddy Weller has not spent much time on Fantasy Island, because this song does not describe it well at all; he’s really underselling the place.

After Jerry totally bombs as M.C., I would have liked it if his girlfriend was like here, let me try, and then she went out on stage using his jokes and killed it.

Danny Baker: Hey, how ’bout this Fantasy Island? Is this some terrific island?
Jerry Burton: Some.
Danny Baker: And how about this hotel?
Jerry Burton: What a hotel!

Whoa, okay, so is the tiki restaurant part of a hotel? And maybe all the guests with fantasies stay in bungalows, and the regular guests stay in the hotel? Hm, no, but Roarke said Marcia was supposed to work at the hotel, and we only ever saw her at the bungalow and his office.

Okay, whoever Tattoo is doing an impression of here was never on The Monkees, so I have no idea who he’s meant to be.

Tattoo is a terrible lip-syncer.

AHHH OMG this is exactly how Milli Vanilli was exposed. God damn, I love this episode. The fantasies were not all that interesting, but the shenanigans were great.

One of the IMDb reviewers wrote in their review of this episode about how multiple guests fantasies sometimes mix, which reminds me that Roarke says in the pilot how “your paths won’t cross again”, and I’ve always thought, yes, that’s right; the two main stories never intertwine. But many other guests’ fantasies do intertwine, so…

• Tattoo’s shenanigans: he’s planning on entering the Fantasy Island Amateur Night show doing his impressions of Groucho Marx, Liberace, and Bing Crosby
• Roarke humouring Tattoo:
  • [Tattoo is wearing fake glasses with a fake nose and mustache and holding a cigar.]
    Tattoo: Try to guess. Who am I?
    Roarke: Um… Humphrey Bogart?
• Tattoo has no faith:
  • Tattoo: Boss, I don’t think even you can help him.
• Roarke’s drink: yawn
• Ominous shot of Roarke raising his drink: no
• The other side of the island:
  • Roarke: I’ve arranged for you to be the opening act at a small nightclub on the north side of the island. It’s a bar, actually, called The Bucket of Suds. Its clientele consists mostly of workers from the pineapple plantation and off-duty sailors.
• Recurring phrases:
  • Larson: I mean, how can you possibly get Mike Banning out of prison and on this island?
    Roarke: You must have faith, Miss. Larson. This is Fantasy Island.
  • [Mid-episode, after a plane makes an emergency landing on the island.]
    Roarke: Ah, gentlemen. I am Mr. Roarke. Welcome to Fantasy Island.
  • Roarke: Please, Marshall, uh, Grennan. This is my island. I am the law here, the only law.
• Locations: Fantasy Island Airport
• Fantasy Island brand: Fantasy Island Fire Department car
• Meddling Roarke:
  • He brings Sandy Larson’s wheelchair over when she’s meeting her convict boyfriend, who doesn’t know she’s crippled.
  • (It’s not explicitly stated that Roarke caused this, but come on, obviously he did.) Danny Baker got stuck out in the bay because he can’t swim, so Jerry Burton will have to be the M.C. for the amateur night.
• First name basis: Tammy (whoever she is)
• Leaving with an extra guest:
  • Jerry Burton with new girlfriend Mary Margaret Doyle
  • Sandy Larson with new boyfriend Mike Banning
• Someone else had a fantasy:
  • Mary Margaret Doyle: And thanks for making my fantasy come true too. I guess I’ve been in love with Jerry since high school.
• Recurring characters: Chester the monkey apparently messed with Tattoo’s record player while he was lip-synching