Jencyclopedia

What they asked for: Jan Brady is a swimmer who became paralyzed in a car accident, and she wants to be cured.
What they got: She can finally move on and accept who she is now and not spend all her life going to doctors trying to find a cure.

What they asked for: A man wants to be murdered so his family can collect the insurance money and live happily ever after.
What they got: He’s got a big business deal in the work and the knowledge that his family cares more about him than money.

I feel like the theme music is a bit different this season, but I’m not sure.

You know how there are videos of orchestras doing the Star Trek themes and other nerdy songs? I want an orchestra to do the Fantasy Island theme song.

Well, there’s nothing different about the exterior of the main house this season.

I guess Don Davis is a recurring character now.

Tama’s still driving the car. Nice.

Roarke: Their fantasy is for her to be cured.
Tattoo: Cured?

“Can we do that?”

Tattoo: But boss, can we really do that?

I’m excited — bring on the S3 office, man! Let’s go!

Wow, a female doctor, and she’s black! What show is this? I feel like I was constantly complaining about sexism in S7, so I wonder if it really was as bad as I thought it was, or if I’ve become ed-sensitized to it now, because I feel like I haven’t been outraged at all at these early episodes. Anyway, I’m disappointed Dr. Franz doesn’t show up in any other episodes. They definitely coulda had a recurring doctor considering how many times Fantasy Island Hospital shows up later.

Terry Summers: What time do you want me at the pool?
Roarke: Would after lunch be convenient?

“After lunch” is such a vague time; this is why I hate S7 Suddenly Specific Roarke.

Dammit! Neither of the first scenes took place in Roarke’s office. I can only assume it’s because he’s doing renovations.

“Hit Man” is basically the same plot as that Ferengi episode in DS9, “Body Parts”.

Fred Forbush: Oh, it hasn’t been easy. I’m ashamed to say this, but I even attempted suicide.
Tattoo: No!

This scene, man. Considering Hervé Villechaize committed suicide, oof.

Anyway, I’ve been reading Villechaize’s IMDb and Wikipedia pages, I’ve learned a couple new things. First, he played Oscar the Grouch’s legs. Second, he was going to be in Dune (well, an earlier version of Dune at least) playing the role that was eventually played by Patrick Stewart. Part of the reason why I watched Dune was because I saw Patrick Stewart in the Netflix preview image, and if Hervé Villechaize had been in it instead, I might have never seen it, and my life would have been that much better. (After Masterminds though, I’ve learned my lesson not to watch movies just because Patrick Stewart is in the preview image.)

There’s a very Fantasy Island building here that I don’t think we’ve ever seen before. I think it’s the Lucky Baldwin Coach Barn, which is right by the Queen Anne Cottage.

Tattoo: There is thousand of crazy groupies, power-loving chicks, who go ape over political boss.

Well, that office scene was pretty underwhelming. Although we only really got one shot, and I can’t tell if there’s a patio or a third window yet, because they didn’t show those walls.

The bungalows at least got new wallpaper.

There was this turquoise dress with a pink belt that I kept seeing extras wearing in later seasons. I wonder if that’s the same dress Jan is wearing here? I feel like it’s probably not, because I don’t like this dress that much.

Tattoo: Is there somebody you should talk to first?
Fred Forbush: Like who?
Tattoo: Like, uh, you know, the city where, uh, where they make cars?

Another office scene, and we can now see there’s no patio and no third window, and everything looks the same. How disappointing.

Greg Forbush: Barnaby Jones always catches people who cheat on their insurance companies.
Fred Forbush: Greg… you know, he’s right; it would have all been for nothing.

I love that a little kid was the one to bring up the plot hole.

Shirley Forbush: Does Mr. Roarke know about this?
Fred Forbush: Well, he introduced me to the hit man.
Shirley Forbush: Oh, he did? Well, in that case, I am going to have a very long talk with Mr. Roarke.

Damn, Shirley is the best wife we’ve ever had on this show! All the other wives just sit back and let their husband “do it on the dance floor” with all the ladies. I think she may be the first one who’s called Roarke on his bullshit.

Shirley Forbush: Never trust a man in a white suit, children.

I don’t think this counts as Fantasy Island Brand, but the pay phone Johnny Detroit uses has a little Fantasy Island sign on it.

Jan sure brought a lot of clothes for one weekend.

Elvira Wilson: What kind of a stupid fantasy is that, Wilbur?

I ask myself that every week.

Hey, that’s the fourth wall of the bungalow. Neato.

I think this is the first time Tattoo has cried — maybe the only time.

Tattoo: How many votes did I get?
Roarke: Well, all the precincts haven’t been heard from yet.
Tattoo: But how many vote do I have so far?
Roarke: …none.
Tattoo: None? That’s impossible! I must have at least one; I voted for myself.
Roarke: Well, there was one ballot that had to be voided.
Tattoo: Voided?
Roarke: It seems your campaign manager, Chester the Chimp, ate half of it.
Tattoo: That stupid monkey!

I am so sad that I hadn’t seen this episode before the American election in November, because those GIFs woulda come in handy then. Too bad Tattoo didn’t demand a recount or claim election fraud. (Although, honestly, I think he would be right to take Roarke to court over the results, because I am sure Roarke had a hand in convincing Chester to eat Tattoo’s ballot.)

“Hit Man” was a decent fantasy, but there were a few fun moments; “The Swimmer” was a bit too sappy for me, but I do always like fantasies that feature Bradys.

• Tattoo’s shenanigans: He’s running for Honorary Lord Mayor of Fantasy Island.
• Tattoo has no faith:
  • Roarke: Their fantasy is for her to be cured.
    Tattoo: Cured? But boss, can we really do that?
• Roarke’s drink: red with a pineapple (?) slice
• Ominous shot of Roarke raising his drink: Well, he doesn’t look very ominous — he wrinkles his eyebrows a bit and then seems to genuinely smile and raise his glass — but I think this shot is finally going to be a thing now.
• Locations:
  • Fantasy Island Clinic
  • Fantasy Island Recreation Room
• Recurring characters: Chester is Tattoo’s campaign manager. He also ate half of Tattoo’s ballot, voiding it.
• Cancelling the fantasy: Fred Forbush doesn’t want to be murdered any more, now that he has a big business deal on the horizon.
• Someone else had a fantasy:
  • Roarke: For just one weekend, Wilbur, alias Johnny Detroit, wanted to be a beady-eyed hitman.