Jencyclopedia

Tattoo wants to be Tattoo.
Lisa Hartman and Pamela Franklin want to be Scarlett O’Hara.

In the opening scene, Tattoo drove off separately in his own car, so there’s an extra shot of him driving alone in the opening credits.

Tattoo: Smiles! Smiles, everyone!

Actual photo of Lisa Hartman and Pamela Franklin arriving on Fantasy Island today:

Tattoo: But boss, how can we bring them back to the civil war?

I don’t like this at all, when Tattoo asks questions, and Roarke doesn’t answer him — not even a “we shall see, Tattoo… we shall see…”

Roarke: Uh, that’s strange.
Tattoo: What’s that, boss?
Roarke: Our next guest, a Mr. Utat is supposed to be on the plane, but I don’t see him.
Tattoo: Maybe Mr. Utat is already here.
Roarke: Already here? How could that be possible?
[I turn on the closed captions.]
Tattoo: Because Mr. Oottat is me.

lol Oottat. I’m an idiot.

Roarke: Do I take it you want to live out a fantasy?
Tattoo: Sure. You already made all the preparations for it when you got the letter.

I’m really disappointed that Tattoo didn’t arrange his fantasy over the phone, because I like to imagine him upstairs in the main house, putting on a fake voice and calling Roarke, who’s downstairs in his office. Although, considering Tattoo’s disguises in the past have failed to fool Roarke, I guess Tattoo realized that wouldn’t be a good idea.

Roarke: “Dear Mr. Roarke, I am a very highly thought of executive in a responsible job, which requires me to handle a variety of people and accommodate there needs.” By the way, you misspelled “their”.
Tattoo: Well, nobody’s perfect — continue.
Roarke: “I want my own needs fulfilled for once. Therefore, it is my fantasy to be admired, adored, and loved by many beautiful woman, and to be the master of all I survey. Yours truly, Mr. H. L. Oottat.” …H.L.?
Tattoo: Hot Lips!

Mr. Roarke having photographic memory is now a thing.

When Tattoo went over to get his drink, I literally went “awww!” If I made Community GIFs, there’d be one of Annie and Shirley here.

Roarke: My dear guests… and Mr. Oottat.

Wowwww, look at this shot from above the main house! It’s the actual Queen Anne Cottage, because there’s the lake behind it, so this just complicates things more, but… whatever, I like the shot.

Tattoo: Women were supposed to go banana over me.
Roarke: Yes?
Tattoo: I struck out ten times, and one lady hit me with her purse.

Roarke: Tattoo, you of all people should know that a fantasy is not an automatic occurrence. Certain adjustments must be made. The proper time must arrive.

Roarke: Oh I’m sorry, ladies, I’m there’s been an ~enormous~ misunderstanding. Why, you can’t possibly be Scarlett O’Hara herself.
Gladys Boylin: You mean we don’t get our fantasy?
Roarke: Well, you see, Gone with the Wind was a piece of fiction. I could hardly send you to a place that never existed, except in Margaret Mitchell’s imagination.

And yet, later, some chick will get to meet Heathcliff and hang out in Wuthering Heights.

Myra Collinsky: But how?
[Ominous music starts.]
Roarke: Well, you see… somewhat like the phenomenon that sometimes occurs in the Bermuda Triangle, on certain rare occasions, here on Fantasy Island, a strange geomagnetic condition develops… one which allows a person to step back into another time.

I feel like Roarke could be hypnotizing them here. Visually, it didn’t look like it, but the way he was speaking and the music made it seem like it.

I definitely saw some of these early scenes when this episode was on TV recently.

Gladys Boylin: This fantasy sure is a bust. If that Mr. Roarke was here, I’d tell him a thing or two.
Roarke: What would you tell me, Miss Collinsky?

Myra Collinsky: We sure didn’t bargain for all this shooting and stuff.
Roarke: But ladies… you wanted to come back to the Civil War era.

Come on, ladies.

Gladys Boylin: Oh no, here they come again. What do we do, Mr. Roarke?
[She turns around. Roarke is gone.]
Gladys Boylin: Mr. Roarke?

Aaah! I think this is the first time that’s happened?

There is this weird version of the theme playing with all this extra instrumentation; it almost sounds like two songs are playing at once.

I feel like this scene where the girls surround Tattoo and say “take me!” and then carry him off into a tent is the equivalent of that one time Kirk was seen sitting on a bed with a chick and putting on his boots.

Tattoo: You first, buddy
Man 1: Oh wise Nooyeeowee, I say this goat belongs to me because I found it wandering in my garden.
Man 2: No, the goat belongs to me. I can’t help it if it went for a walk and wandered over there!
Man 3: Hear the judgment of Nooyeeowee.
Tattoo: Where’s your wife?

Oh no, Tattoo’s gonna make this guy give him his wife and he’ll let him keep the goat, oh my god—

Man 1: She’s visiting his wife in his garden.
Tattoo: You mean, she just wandered around to visit?
Man 1: Yes.
Tattoo: Well, in that case, you keep the goat, and he can keep your wife. Next case!
Man 1: A goat for a wife?! That’s not a fair trade!
Tattoo: Then give him back his goat.

Damn, Tattoo is a genius today.

Kona: I, Kona, ask you to sanction my marriage to Luana.
Tattoo: Well, it’s okay with me. What about Luana?

Damn, Tattoo’s doing great today.

Luana: Beware of him. He’s deadly dangerous. Now he hates you.

This writing… not so much.

I guess maybe they had to invent the disappearing act bit for this episode, since otherwise, Roarke couldn’t really show up in either of these fantasies, since one is back in time and the other is on another island. There hasn’t been any mid-episode Roarke, so I’m kind of sad.

Roarke: Your fantasy is over.

It felt like they didn’t get to do very much in their fantasy. They met some guys, danced with them, got taken prisoner, and now they have to go home. Have they even slept yet? Is it still Saturday?

Gladys Boylin: Without you, what’ll happen to me?
Captain Rawlins: Frankly, my dear, I… I very much give a damn.

I haven’t seen Gone with the Wind, but obviously, I exist in this world, and so I am aware of this line, but I don’t know the entire context around it. I feel like this line doesn’t work at all here, and they just wanted to make the reference.

Also, their new boyfriends are both like “eh, you better go with this random guy in the white suit, he probably knows what’s best for you.”

Oh man, we’ve kind of got the Roarke-laughing-too-much scene with Roarke on the speedboat pulling Tattoo’s boat behind him.

Roarke: More mature. You?

• Tattoo’s shenanigans: He’s in a rush to get to the dock because… his fantasy is being granted this week!
• Roarke’s drink: clear yellow ish
• Ominous shot of Roarke raising his drink: no; he raises his glass to Tattoo and smiles
• Costume change: Tattoo wears various outfit throughout the episode (and I forgot to keep track of them).
• Neighbouring islands:
  • Roarke: Luana just started today. She lives on one of the outermost islands, so she has quite a bit to learn.
• Recurring phrases:
  • Gladys Boylin: When does our fantasy begin, Mr. Roarke? When can we be Scarlett O’Hara?
  • Roarke: If conditions are right, yes. But um, I must warn you, it could be dangerous. You must return when I tell you, or be trapped forever.
  • Roarke: Ladies, you must come with me now.
    Myra Collinsky: Oh no, Mr. Roarke, please, not yet. Not yet.
    Roarke: I’m sorry, your fantasy is over.
• Technobabble:
  • Myra Collinsky: But how?
    [Ominous music starts.]
    Roarke: Well, you see… somewhat like the phenomenon that sometimes occurs in the Bermuda Triangle, on certain rare occasions, here on Fantasy Island, a strange geomagnetic condition develops… one which allows a person to step back into another time.
• Time travel: Gladys Boylin and Myra Collinsky go back in time to the Civil War.
• Roarke saves the day: Tattoo is trying to escape from the men of the island, but he’s terrible at rowing a boat, so Roarke lassoes Tattoo’s boat and saves him.
• Someone else had a fantasy:
  • Captain Rawlins: My mother was always a real nut about Gone with the Wind. By the time I was eight, she kept telling me I looked like Rhett Butler.
    Captain Hampsted: And I heard I looked like Ashley for so long that uh, we had to live it just once.
• Leaving with an extra guest: Gladys Boylin with Captain Rawlins, and Myra Collinsky with Captain Hampsted