Jencyclopedia

Helena Marsh wants to marry Mr. Roarke.

Roarke: Chester is a very clever animal, but the point is, he is an animal, and checkers is a game. The sense of right and wrong is an abstract, Tattoo — a thought process far beyond his capabilities. Consequently, he could never grasp that concept, which means that he could never really be a thief.

This conversation is way too deep for Fantasy Island.

Tattoo: Maybe I shouldn’t be upset that he stole your beautiful ivory chess set last night.
Roarke:  …he did what?

This show is not funny, Jenny. Why are you laughing at this show, Jenny.

Tattoo: I found a couple of pieces in his room.

Does that mean Chester has his own room in the main house?

Special Guest Star
Samantha Eggar

Oh, here comes the flashback.

Oh nice, Jamie is played by the same actor too.

Tattoo: Oh boss, don’t tell me. This time, her fantasy is to really marry you?

Wait, so Roarke has been excited all week because he knows that Helena’s coming to marry him… and he hasn’t told Tattoo? He hasn’t been like hey, maybe clear your schedule for Sunday so you can come to my wedding, my friend? Nice guy.

[Roarke stands in front of Helena.]
Roarke: My dear guest.

God dammit.

Helena: Would you believe it, I’m a little scared.
Roarke: You?!

He says like he knows anything about this woman he’s spent all of four days with.

Rosie: I knew it couldn’t be true.
Helena: What couldn’t be true?
Rosie: That you’re a doctor. Some of the kids said you were. But ladies can’t be doctors.

I was just watching a Seinfeld episode today, “The Dinner Party”, and George was wearing a gigantic winter coat. That’s what Roarke looks like with that gigantic lei.

[Roarke gives Helena a ring.]
Roarke: It was first given to Cleopatra in the golden hall of the gods by Caesar himself on a day very much like this, one filled with great celebration. Two thousand noblemen attended the party.
Helena Marsh: You make it sound as if you were there.
Roarke: Do I?

WTF bro. You haven’t told her?

…honestly, this is a little boring. They were just horseback riding and showing scenes of the island, and now, they’re floating along in a boat. There’s not a lot of conversation going on here.

Ahh my god, now they’re dancing and not saying anything. And like… I’ve definitely seen Roarke dancing a lot closer with other women.

Roarke: Jamie hasn’t been told yet.

WTF oh my god, why does no one tell anyone anything?! This is not a healthy relationship, boss.

Roarke: Helena and I have so little time…

And Helena and her son have even less time!

Tattoo: You stupid monkey! Come back! I get you for breaking into my home!

So I think this means Chester lives in a separate house from the main house.

Roarke: Isn’t it amusing how it is almost tradition for the best man to mislay the wedding ring?

Roarke hanging a lampshade on the trope.

🎶 Promise me that you will leave me never 🎶

Mmm, maybe not a great song choice here.

There are way more white people at this wedding than you normally see on Fantasy Island.

Oh great, another long conversationless boat ride.

Helena: Who are you?

Oh, real good time to ask this question: on your honeymoon.

Roarke: I am Mr. Roarke, your host.

Good answer tho.

Helena: I know that. But who are you?
Roarke: Oh, I am an innkeeper.
Helena: I know that too. Who are you?
Roarke: I am the man who loves you most deeply. I am what was, and is. I am… Fantasy Island. I am your husband.

Yeah, I don’t think I would marry a guy who won’t tell me who he is.

Oh wow okay. Roarke in swim trunks.

That is not Malibu.

Haha oh my god. Tattoo has created a banana trap for Chester. And Jamie is in on it! I would watch this show.

Tattoo: Mr. Roarke only uses the helicopter for emergencies.

[Roarke and Helena have returned from their honeymoon, and something is clearly wrong with Helena. Jamie runs toward his mom.]
Thomas Cummings: You should have been told this a long time ago.

No shit. Grandpa’s the only one with any sense in this family.

Roarke has such a variety of clothes in his wardrobe, but he never gets a chance to wear them.

At first, I was thinking Jamie was hanging out on Westward Beach, and they just covered the area with fake plants, but there’s no rock formation like that in Pirate’s Cove.

Roarke: Part of the love I feel for your mother now goes to you too.

Which is why I will never see you again for at least the next four years.

Jamie’s shirt is terrible.

Roarke: You will always have a home on Fantasy Island.

Okay, headcanon time: all the people who live on Fantasy Island are descendants of Roarke and/or women Roarke has been in love with over the centuries.

This shot was almost Roarke and family doing the Monkee waves gag.

Tattoo: I took his TV set, and last night, he couldn’t watch The Gong Show — drove him crazy.

Helena is so damn inconsiderate. She know she’s dying right now, but she doesn’t tell Jamie or her parents or even let them say goodbye. Instead, she wants to spend her final moments with a man she’s known for six days. And now she’s ruined Roarke’s special place by dying there. Real nice, lady.

Roarke doesn’t wear a special outfit to the funeral. I guess maybe this is symbolic, like he can only be himself when he’s in love, but now that the woman he loves is dead, it’s business as usual.

It’s kinda weird to do a traditional final scene right after a funeral. Like it’s in a different location, the music seems a bit more subdued, but it’s still a bit weird.

Jamie: In a way, I wish I could stay here with you and Tattoo forever. But I can’t. There’s too many things to be done. Too many jobs my mom and dad left unfinished.

If Bones were here, I think he would be extremely concerned about Jamie’s lack of grieving.

• Recurring characters: Tattoo has dressed Chester the Chimp like a convict because he steals Tattoo’s car every night, and Tattoo’s trying to teach him not to steal. Later, Chester steals some champagne from the engagement party. Tattoo and Jamie try to catch Chester in a banana trap, but Chester steals Tattoo’s car instead.
• Roarke’s drink: red with a pineapple (?) slice
• Ominous shot of Roarke raising his drink: no, he just looks at Helena lovingly
• Costume change:
  • Roarke wears his riding outfit for a date with Helena.
  • Roarke wears a black bowtie, white tuxedo, and oversized red lei for his wedding.
  • Roarke wears a white mesh t-shirt on his honeymoon.
  • Roarke wears white swim trunks on his honeymoon.
  • Roarke wears white swim trunks with red trim on his honeymoon.
  • Roarke wears a white embroidered shirt when returning from this honeymoon.
  • Roarke wears a white short-sleeved button-up shirt while waiting for his new wife to die.
• Locations: Bella Glen (the most special place on Fantasy Island)
• Historic object:
  • Roarke: It was first given to Cleopatra in the golden hall of the gods by Caesar himself on a day very much like this, one filled with great celebration. Two thousand noblemen attended the party.
• Can’t help you:
  • Roarke: I would give everything I own, everything I am, if just this once, the gift of life were within my powers.
• He’s dead, Jim: Roarke’s wife, Helena Marsh