Jencyclopedia

Sonny Bono wants to hide from Captain Crocodile and Big Butch, who are trying to kill him, and he winds up at Shelley Fabares’ orphanage.
Morticia wants her niece, Audrey Landers, to be a big country music singer, and she will break up Roarke and Tattoo to make it happen.

Roarke: Isn’t that Miss Donna May Calloway?
Tattoo: Don’t worry, boss; I guarantee you this is going to be our best fantasy ever.
Roarke: But Tattoo, you must know that her aunt, Miss Ellie Simpson, has requested this fantasy for her twice before, and I turned them down.

I hate it when Roarke doesn’t seem to know who’s on the plane. Surely he gives final approval on all fantasies? This isn’t a partnership; Tattoo is Roarke’s assistant, and there’s no way Tattoo could arrange entire fantasies without Roarke knowing. There’s a lot of preparation involved in many of the fantasies — like arranging to have the best bowlers in the world come to Fantasy Island for a competition — and if Roarke was expecting Mr. Fielding to be on the plane to play against those bowlers, and then he wasn’t, all that preparation would be for nothing.

They do often say things like “she left on an earlier flight” though, so maybe we have to assume there are multiple arrivals every weekend, but we only see one of them, and Roarke knows everyone who’s coming, but he may not know which order they’re arriving in. Yes, this works, because there are so many “someone else had a fantasy too”, and we never see them arriving. But then Roarke would have to be very involved in organizing who’s on what plane, so that you don’t have two people who are supposed to unwittingly share the same fantasy arrive on the same plane. Actually, that might be a fun thing to have happen in an episode: two people who hate each other arriving at the same time or something.

But also… how does Roarke recognize every guest when they’ve arranged their fantasies over the phone or by mail? And especially how does he recognize Donna Calloway, who he didn’t think was going to be on the plane at all? Okay, so one of the things Roarke must require when you arrange your fantasy is a photograph (and if you’re ugly, your fantasy is denied).

Tattoo: Don’t be mad.
Roarke: Don’t be mad? When I see that she also brought that aunt of hers with her?

I feel like there’s gonna be a Lwaxana/Picard story here.

I went back to the beginning of the episode, because I forgot to write down Tattoo’s shenanigans, and I couldn’t even remember what happened in the opening scene… but there wasn’t one. They went right from the opening credits to the shot of the plane in the water. I wonder if this episode ran too long, so they had to cut the shenanigans.

Sonny wants to cancel his fantasy ’cause he’s decided to hang out with some chick he’s met instead, and Roarke’s all “that is out of the question” because Roarke’s already made arrangements for his fantasy. Um, that’s bullshit, Roarke; if someone wants to cancel their wedding, you can’t stop them. It’s totally fair to still charge them since you did make the arrangements, but you can’t say “nope, you must marry this guy, because you told me you would.”

I think this is Audrey Landers’ first appearance on the show. She looked different in the opening scene, but now she looks more like herself.

Tattoo has arranged for Audrey Landers to meet a famous record producer, but Roarke’s pissed because that producer came to Fantasy Island for peace and quiet. Isn’t this exactly what happened with Tattoo’s friend Georgia Engel and that famous piano player in 6×18 “Touch and Go”?

More original songs:

Ain’t no good just sittin’ there cryin’
‘Cause he went and broke your heart in two
Even though inside, you feel like dyin’
Just remember this one simple rule

Into each life, a little rain must fall
And it don’t matter if you’re short or if you’re tall
Just keep your head up high
Don’t stop to wonder why
‘Cause love will come a-knockin’ at your door once more
Love will come a-knockin’ at your door

Into each life, a little rain must fall
And it don’t matter if you’re big or if you’re small
Just keep your head up high
Don’t stop to wonder why
‘Cause love will come a-knockin’ at your door once more…

I fell in love with a country boy
He promised he’d always be true
But he went and left me for someone else
Tell me, what can a country girl do?

‘Cause it’s the same old heartache
Same old story again
He told me he loved me
And ran off with my best friend
Yes, he ran off with my best friend

Spider Sloat: Tomorrow we start a new search — every inch of the island.

Methinks that’s gonna take a while.

I think the orphanage is the same house from 1×2 where Roarke in Disguise brought Adrienne Barbeau when he kidnapped her.

Emily Parkins: The orphanage has long needed a man; there are things that a woman just can’t do.

Oof, okay, Morticia and Roarke definitely do not have a Lwaxana/Picard thing going on. Morticia is a biiiitch. If you manage to make Roarke angry, you’ve really done something wrong.

Doesn’t really matter what you do
Just as long as you’ve got me and I’ve got you
Doesn’t really matter where you go
‘Cause I’ll be there if you need me, don’t you know
Doesn’t really matter if you’re blue
‘Cause he can make your fantasies come true
He can make your fantasies come true

Oh my god. Tattoo singing, and the song turns out to be about Roarke. Waaah.

I think the village got a new coat of white and red paint. I like it. In 2×3 “The Beachcomber”, it looked like unpainted wood, but in 2×9 “Mr. Tattoo”, it looked white, so maybe it’s actually not that new.

Roarke: No time to explain, Mr. Ryan. Get your clothes off.

I don’t like the Holly Ryan / Emily Parkins romance. He’s still a sleazy gambling guy, and she’s still a Christian orphanage lady.

Sonny is wearing Shelley Fabares’ clothes so he can sneak away from the bad guys. The bad guys realize it’s him, because his leg sticks out from under his dress as he’s getting into the car… which might make sense if he had really hairy legs, but with those legs, I don’t buy it.

Roarke: Well, Mr. Ryan. What is the good word?
Holly Ryan: The good word is “involved”. Me and little Amy both learned what it means. She’s gonna get involved with the kids at the orphanage, and I’m off to New York to testify against Spider Sloat.

Huuhhh? Amy is the little girl, who I assumed was one of the orphans… so what does he mean by she’s going to “get involved with the kids at the orphanage?” I feel like there must have been something cut out of the episode that explains this… or I just wasn’t paying attention again. My only guess is maybe Amy is antisocial, because she was hanging out with Sonny more often than she hung out with the other kids, and she’s promised to get more involved with the other kids. Or did he mean to say Emily? But Emily was already involved with the kids at the orphanage so… who knows.

• Tattoo’s shenanigans: n… none?! they just went right to the dock? there was no opening scene?
• Recurring phrases:
  • Roarke: But what if she doesn’t have sufficient talent?
    Tattoo: Boss, this is Fantasy Island. Leave everything to me.
• Roarke’s drink: clearish yellow
• Ominous shot of Roarke raising his drink: well, yes, kind of… there are a lot of extra shots at the end of the scene though
• Ominous Roarke:
  • [Holly Ryan has just told Roarke he’s going to cancel his fantasy.]
    Holly Ryan: I’m gonna stay with Mona. Sorry.
    Roarke: How sorry you are, Mr. Ryan, perhaps still remains to be seen.
• Locations: South Coast Christian Orphanage
• Not leaving on the plane:
  • Tattoo: Where’s aunt Ellie?
    Roarke: She left on an earlier flight.
• Tattoo’s shenanigans: At the end of the episode, he says he’s going to rest for a while, be alone with his thoughts… then a group of bikini-clad girls run up to ask Colonel Tattoo if their ~instruments~ are alright.