Jencyclopedia

Keith Partridge wants to marry his rich girlfriend, but he ends up marrying the girl who jumped out of a cake at his bachelor party instead.
Ginger Grant is possessed by one of Roarke’s former evil lovers.

Roarke didn’t say “smiles everyone, smiles”.

I don’t trust David Cassidy’s friend. He musta been in this show before… haha, yep, he was Johnny Detroit, the “hitman”.

Okay, um, I don’t think Ginger is 30 years old. Yeah, actually, at the time this episode aired, she was more like 50 years old. Yeaah.

Tattoo: I want you to spare no expense.

Van, who is this guy?

Danny Collier: I’m getting married in the morning to the woman I love.
Ken Jason: 🎶 Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime– 🎶

I love that they made this joke.

Roarke: No, the Count’s death was not her tragedy. She… she fell in love… with another man… but her love was doomed.

None of the men at this bachelor party seem to understand what the giant cake is for.

Lisa Corday: It’s my birthday!
Roarke: Yes. Congratulations are in order.
[He kisses her on the cheek.]

Yeeee… I get that he has a history with some old dead chick who looked like her, but Roarke and Lisa have only just met, and that’s… kinda not cool.

Lisa Corday: Are you afraid, Mr. Roarke?
Roarke: Yes. I am… for you.

Tattoo is sitting at Mr. Roarke’s desk, writing in books and punching buttons on a calculator. Weird, but Roarke is off at that castle, so I’ll allow it. Also, the middle window is back.

Wah! Wah! There’s a window behind the desk?! It’s not a door, ’cause there are plants in front of it. Ugh, I didn’t think this office could get any more complicated.

Roarke: During the first year of her imprisonment, she was still so beautiful that the workmen who lowered her food through that trap door would crouch up there for hours, staring at her.

Ew.

Elizabeth: You are Elizabeth! You are Elizabeth!

This is why I watch this show.

Keith Partridge and the Klingon bust outta jail, drive away into the night… and end up two buildings down.

Christie Collier: Danny. I never lie, and I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you.
Danny Collier: Well, things are really fouled up now.
Christie Collier: Why?
Danny Collier: Because I think I‘ve fallen in love with you too.

Roarke: Memories of sweet nights long ago, of a young girl and a young man in love.

Yuuh. Young man should be in love with young woman, but it was the ’80s 1600s, things were different then.

So Roarke was a young man 300 years ago. Does he age, but really slowly? Or maybe we are to believe Mr. Roarke is only 30 years old, just like Tina Louise?

What even is this story anyway? Why is Elizabeth evil? Roarke wouldn’t mess around with an evil chick, so maybe she was a normal girl who became possessed? Or maybe she was evil all along, and Roarke was trying to save her?

Okay, did… did Roarke just light that thing on fire with his eyes?

Okay, so Elizabeth Bathory was a real person. Interesting.

• Location recreation:
  • Roarke: You see, she asked for a particular castle. One that was torn down by fear-crazed mobs in the seventeenth century. A castle that only I know has been painfully reconstructed to the very last detail.
• Roarke’s drink: clearish yellow
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: yeah, sorta
• Surprise guests:
  • Danny Collier: Bachelor party?
    Roarke: Compliments of the management, Mr. Collier. I took the liberty of inviting several of your male friends, who are arriving on the afternoon plane
• First name basis:
  • Roarke: Miss Corday! It’s alright! It’s alright now. It’s alright, Lisa.
  • Roarke: Fight her, Lisa!
• Locations:
  • Jail
  • Bar
• Not leaving on the plane: Danny Collier’s friend Ken Jason left with Danny’s ex-fiancée and her father on a private jet
• Leaving with an extra guest: Danny Collier with new wife Christie Collier