Jencyclopedia

Peter Graves wants to regain his eyesight so he can find a missing movie star he fell in love with.
Phyllis Davis and her friend want to be kidnapped by cavemen.

The opening sequence was more zoomed in than usual, and there was no “parking for Tattoo” sign, so I’m thinking, finally, it’s a different opening sequence, and there’s gonna be some shenanigans… but no. Why do you do this to me, Fantasy Island? You could have just left the sequence the same, and then I wouldn’t have got my hopes up.

Roarke: Their fantasy is to experience what it would be like to live in those simpler periods of mankind’s history when men were very male, and, as Miss Harris put it, “women were glad of it”.

You mean “when boys liked girls, and girls liked boys, and the only person to swing both ways was Tarzan”?

Roarke: You see, they’re tired of some of the complexities of modern society, questions about male or female superiority or inferiority.

K… so if I was sick of all that, I think my fantasy would be to experience what it would be like for everyone to be equal for once. If their fantasy was Fifty Shades of Grey, then that’s cool, just say so.

I think we may have passed the point where Fantasy Island stopped being a show about teaching people a lesson, and started becoming a show about teaching women a lesson. 3×18 “Dr. Jekyll and Miss Hyde” was problematic (the lesson in that episode should have been “not all men are creeps”, but it kinda turned out to be “no men are creeps; you’re just sensitive”), and I’m thinking this one will be too.

Tattoo: They want to live in a macho society?
Roarke: Exactly, for a weekend. But, part of their expected pleasure is to demonstrate the ability of a modern-day woman to cope and surmount such a macho situation. Frankly, I think the young ladies are in for a great many more problems than they can possibly imagine.

So what is their fantasy exactly? They want to live in the world they already live in? These women are sick of feminism, but they wanna be all “yeah, girl power”?

Okay, let’s see what the fantasy I’m gonna ignore is all about.

Roarke: Several years ago, Mr. Scott fell in love with a very glamorous young lady named Nona Lauren.
Tattoo: Nona Lauren? The famous movie star?
Roarke: Mm-hmm.
Tattoo: Boss, she disappeared!

Didn’t we have this exact fantasy in 3×9 “The Dancer”? Guy falls in love with a famous ballerina, and then she disappears, and his fantasy is to find her?

I really didn’t think a story named “Nona” was gonna be about that though; I thought this story was gonna be about an Italian grandmother.

There’s a Lava Lava boy in Roarke’s office closing the door. I don’t think we’ve ever seen any Lava Lava people in Roarke’s office before, so this is really weird to me.

Roarke: Excursions back in time are an inexact science at best, and even I am never quite sure into what precise period of time such a fantasy may take you.

That’s bullshit, Mr. Roarke. He sent Potsie to an exact place and time to meet his grandfather (6×11 “The Songwriter”). He sent that dude to an exact place and time to meet Audrey Landers (6×12 “The Tallowed Image”). He’s just trying to deflect blame here, because he knows these women are gonna be pissed when he sends them to the stone age.

Caroline Taylor: We want to go to an old-fashioned society that’s male-dominated, where they put their women up on pedestals.

If that’s what they wanted, they really should have just asked for the second part. Or just went to a spa.

Mindy Harris: You know, where they pampered their women and thought they were too delicate to vote or play tennis.
Roarke: Yes…

“You mean the 1980s?”

Maybe I’m being too optimistic, but I feel like now there’s a chance this could actually turn out to be an empowering fantasy — like that time that old dude turned up and was like “well, Diane Canova’s not gonna do any better than me”, but then she did. Maybe these girls are gonna realize hey, I actually want to be able to vote and play tennis, and being pampered and coddled really isn’t all that great. Buuut it’s more likely, in the final scene, they’re gonna be like “boy, Mr. Roarke, I thought I had it bad being sexually harassed by my boss every day, but at least I’m not a cavewoman, teeheehee!”

Roarke: Well, then, if you are ready to begin your fantasy, you have only to open that door and, uh, walk out.
Mindy Harris: Just walk out that door?

WAAAAH YASSS the DOOR! Hahaha, whiplash, I know, but, this is the first occurrence of the magic door! I slapped myself in the head when he said it, because I was so excited, and now my head hurts, owww, hahaha.

Tattoo: That’s right, and as the boss say, it’s gonna be quite a different world, but it could be very dangerous.

This is almost a “I must warn you” from Tattoo.

This is gonna be one of those stories that’s really tough to give a rating, because the premise is horrible, but there’s so much great meta stuff going on here.

So Roarke tells the women to walk out of his office door, and their fantasy will begin. They do, and now we see them walking out the front door onto the porch of the main house. The editing seems to imply that these are the same door, because when we see the women on the porch, we can hear Tattoo saying goodbye, but Tattoo is not with them; he’s still in the office.

We know the office door is not the front door, because we’ve seen the front door open, and there’s a wall with a painting right in front of it; we’ve also seen the office door open, and there’s a wall with an armoire right in front of it.

If Roarke’s office door was an outside door though, it would have to be the seldom-used door on the right side of the main house. The office door couldn’t be the main door on the left, because then his office would be to the left of that, and there’s clearly no more building to the left of the main door.

In the only layout of the main house that makes sense, there’s a small hallway between Roarke’s office and the front door, so I’m just going to consider that a goof. Or maybe Tattoo can throw his voice really well.

Also, speaking of the main house layout, I’ve decided the staircase inside the main house is a spiral staircase, since Pepper has a mini spiral staircase perch on the front porch. Also, it’s The Monkees’ staircase painted white and red.

Wow, someone’s already beat me to adding Vasquez Rocks to the filming locations.

Oh Jesus Christ. This story’s getting a 5 out of 5. It has everything, including the worst special effects I’ve ever seen on this show.

Roarke: Uh, Mr. Scott, you must clearly understand. Your eyesight can be restored for a maximum of forty-eight hours, and only for this one occasion. The fantasy can never be repeated.

Considering what you just told those other chicks, I’m calling bullshit on this too. You can repeat fantasies just fine when it’s a chick you’ve got the hots for.

Roarke: Now, you’re standing beside a very unique flower…

…seriously? You mean the flower that’s found all over the island?

They’re zooming in on Peter Graves’ eyes… come on… gimme some special effects… YASSSS! This episode is perfect. Oh god, it’s turning into 33 1/3… waaah! I told you the special effects are better when Roarke is present. And I haven’t even mentioned Khan constantly saying “Mr. Scott”.

The Morgs have spotted the Eymorgs.

Hey, the return of the red flower fabric.

Wah! And there’s Tama! For this to be an absolutely perfect episode, we’d need Wally and Pepper and Chester to show up too, but I feel like we’ve seen the last of Pepper and Chester.

I wonder if they found those boots just laying around Vasquez Rocks, discarded from Star Trek filming.

Oh my god, I’m not even fifteen minutes into the episode yet.

I think they’re playing an instrumental version of “I’ll Be Seeing You” in Casey’s Bar, but I’m not 100% sure.

Nona Lauren: Unlock the door.
Ned Scott: You’re not going anywhere right now.

Whaaat? Tattoo showing up alone in the middle of the episode? Eh, he didn’t do much though.

Wah! And a mid-episode Tattoo and Roarke scene?

Tattoo: Boss, what’s in that glass?
Roarke: Um, nothing, nothing.
[Tattoo drinks it.]
[Roarke notices Tattoo has drank it.]
Roarke: …but I wouldn’t drink it if I were you.
Tattoo: Why’s that?
Roarke: It’s a special formula that makes people invisible.
Tattoo: Invisible?!
Roarke: Mm-hmm.
Tattoo: Sacre-bleu!
Roarke: Tattoo, where are you?

Oh my god, and this scene was completely unnecessary. I love it.

Also, Tattoo later is invisible in 5×4 “The Last Cowboy” ~to help with someone’s fantasy~ (but really, he just wasn’t in that episode). But then, isn’t there an actual fantasy where a woman was invisible? I’m picturing a scene in the bungalow with the rock wall, and Roarke giving her the potion. Oh. It’s 4×7 “The Invisible Woman”.

Caroline Taylor: Now come on, Mindy. Your caveman is not gonna let anybody touch you but himself.

Well, that makes me feel better.

Ugh, they show the establishing shot of the tiki restaurant, and then they cut the outdoor restaurant.

Hey, we’ve got Wally! He’s just in the background as the bartender, and I don’t usually remark on that, because it happens all the time, but since I did mention him earlier, I figured I should mention it now.

Caroline Taylor: Well, it was fun while it lasted.

What was fun, exactly? Being kidnapped by some cavemen? Being stolen by a different group of cavemen? Being attacked by a jealous cavewoman? Re-reading this quote, it sounds like maybe it was sarcastic, but I don’t think that’s how she delivered the line.

Nona’s Escort: This lady is my property. I own her.

Poor Nona. She escaped from this guy only to end up locked in a bungalow by another man.

Also, 16 year age gap between Nona Lauren and Ned Scott.

Ohhh no. Roarke in disguise. I told you this episode was perfect. Was he the old caveman all along? He tricked me this time.

I feel like he’s violating the prime directive here… but damn, this is a great GIF.

Roarke: Ladies, your fantasy is over.

Yaaas!

Khan, at Vasquez, his arm outstretched.

It’s totally not fair that the women’s fantasy is over, but the guys get to keep pretending to be cavemen.

So the fantasy is over, Roarke’s got a woman on each arm, and they just kind of stand there for a bit, like they’re waiting for something, and then Roarke motions like, okay, let’s walk that way. How disappointing; I thought we were gonna get some transporter effects there.

Roarke: Love is indeed stronger than time itself.

Can Roarke please just say “love is the ultimate trip” one time?

Mindy Harris: Mr. Roarke, Caroline and I were wondering if maybe our two cavemen would like to try our times for a change.
Roarke: Oh, I’m sorry, Miss Harris, that would be impossible to again find that exact moment in time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Roarke: However, you might discuss the possibility —
Me: “with those two gentlemen over there”
Roarke: — with two of your fellow passengers. It so happens those gentlemen were granted the same fantasy that you were.

Ehhh, not exactly. The women’s fantasy was to be dominated; the men’s fantasy was to dominate.

I didn’t pay a ton of attention to “Nona”, but it was least better than the action/war stories that I don’t pay any attention to. “One Million B.C.” was honestly a stupid story, and I feel like they’ve done this (well, will do this) several times already — like it’s the exact same thing as 6×22 “Love Island” — but it had so many of the classic Fantasy Island tropes, so it was an enjoyable episode.

We still haven’t had a perfect episode though, with all the tropes, but this one came close. We definitely needed a “the other side of the island”; an actual, honest-to-goodness “but I must warn you”; a “this is Fantasy Island” is always nice; and we haven’t had much of the turn-around-and-Roarke-is-gone trope yet, but that’s a very classic Fantasy Island thing.

Lately, I’ve been finishing most episodes in just over an hour, whereas before, when there were more Roarke/Tattoo shenanigans, I usually averaged two hours per episode, which is how long it took me to watch this episode. I feel like season three has been pretty lame, because there’s been so little of Roarke and Tattoo — no opening scene shenanigans, and very little of them showing up mid-episode. I kinda want season three to be over, because I’m hoping season four will be better, and maybe we’ll get to see the patio. And then I’m really looking forward to season five, because I’m actually a Julie fan. 🤷‍♀️

• Ominous Roarke:
  • Roarke: My concern is that he might find the bridge between blindness and sight much simpler to cross than the bridge between his fantasy of Miss Lauren… and reality.
• Roarke’s drink: clearish yellow
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: yesss
• Magic door:
  • Roarke: Well, then, if you are ready to begin your fantasy, you have only to open that door and, uh, walk out.
  • Roarke: Well, now, if you’re ready to get started, beyond those trees, you will find a pathway. Follow it to the beach to continue your search for Miss Lauren.
• Magic object:
  • Roarke: Now, you’re standing beside a very unique flower. It grows only on Fantasy Island, and its nectar has equally rare and powerful medicinal qualities. I believe it can stimulate your optic nerves sufficiently to fulfill your fantasy.
• Recurring phrases:
  • Roarke: However, its effects will gradually wear off, as I warned you, within forty-eight hours.
  • Roarke: Ladies, your fantasy is over.
  • Roarke: Love is indeed stronger than time itself.
• Recurring characters:
  • Ned Scott shows a photograph of Nona Lauren to some of the islanders, including Tama (but he doesn’t have any lines).
• Locations: Casey’s Bar
• Roarke’s shenanigans: He tricks Tattoo into thinking he’s invisible.
• Roarke in disguise: He’s the old caveman.
• Leaving with an extra guest:
  • Ned Scott with new girlfriend Nona Lauren
  • Caroline Taylor and Mindy Harris with their new “cavemen” boyfriends
• Someone else had a fantasy:
  • Roarke: It so happens those gentlemen were granted the same fantasy that you were.