Jencyclopedia

Carol Lynley doesn’t want the devil to take her soul.
Arte Johnson wants to be a millionaire.

I’m sorta pumped for this episode, because it’s a new season — new shenanigans? New office? But I’m pumped for this episode in particular because I think it’s supposed to be one of the best episodes. Like I know “Queen of the Soaps” has the highest rating on IMDb, but IMDb ratings for old shows are always inaccurate.

Noooo! No shenanigans in the opening scene still? Boooo! I remembered seeing opening scene shenanigans a lot when I was watching this on TV, because I would always try to rush to get downstairs right at noon.

We’ve got new dancing girls and music this season though.

After I finished this episode, I went back to survey the music and dancing girls in the previous seasons. (Why do I do this?)

• In season 1, we had no dancing girls and no music.
  • Except in 1×2, where Roarke says “Tattoo, music!” and then creepy music comes out of some speakers on the trees.
• In season 2, we’ve got the three guys playing ukuleles and steel guitars and one dancing girl.
  • Sometimes, there’s a girl in a red dress, and sometimes, there’s a girl in a blue dress. They start out alternating each week, and then they begin to favour the girl in the red dress. A girl in a blue dances in 7 episodes, and a girl in a red dress dances in 16 episodes.
  • Most of season 2 uses the same upbeat song. 2×15 and 2×17 use a different, slower song. 2×25 uses another song.
  • In 2×5, they don’t show the closeup of the musicians and dancer; they’re just in the background of a shot of Tattoo and Roarke from behind.
  • In 2×8, Roarke doesn’t motion for them to begin.
  • In 2×10, 2×12, 2×14, and 2×18 (and probably other episodes too), you can see the girl in the blue dress in the background as Roarke and Tattoo arrive in the car, but in the closeup, it’s the girl in the red dress.
  • In 2×13, 2×15, 2×17, and 2×22, rather than the closeup of the musicians and dancer, they show a wider shot that includes the dock as well.
  • In 2×19, they show a closer closeup of the girl in the blue dress, and they pan down towards her legs briefly.
  • This isn’t totally relevant, but in 2×20, Roarke looks extra annoyed. (And yes, I did note this at the time as well, lol.)
  • 2×23 is a Sunday special. It uses the same music, but there are children dancing instead: three boys playing ukuleles and two girls dancing.
  • In 2×24, it’s the girl in the blue dress, but she’s dancing further left than she usually does, and they pan from that shot right to the guest getting out of the plane.
  • 2×25 is a Sunday special. It uses different music. There appear to be about four little girls dancing, and no musicians.
• Okay, that’s enough. I don’t wanna go through every season 3 episode right now, but 3×1, 3×2, and 3×4 used the season 2 music and the same shot of the musicians and the girl in the red dress.
  • 3×3 used the same music, but a different shot of the girl in the blue dress. There’s a perch with a parrot on it behind her and the musicians.
  • 3×5 showed the girl in the blue dress in the background, but the girl in the red dress in the close up. It used the same music, and a wider shot including the dock, musicians, and dancing girl.

This new season 4 music and the shot of the girls doesn’t seem that familiar to me, so I don’t think this shot/music lasts long. Maybe just for this season? Because I guess I did start watching more seriously in season 5.

Roarke: This is strange…

I kinda love that these are the first words of season 4.

[Arte Johnson walks out of the plane.]
Roarke: Isn’t that Mr. Fred Catlett?

Oh, are they revisiting an old fantasy? I thought only Helena and the Mermaid got that treatment.

Roarke: …the young man from Lincoln, Nebraska whose fantasy I rejected?

Aww. I guess not. I hate when they seem to recognize actors who have been on this show a thousand times, because it’s misleading, and because I want them to break the fourth wall and poke fun at it, but of course, they never do.

Tattoo: Don’t worry, boss. I will handle it myself.
Roarke: Tattoo, do you mean to tell me that you brought Mr. Catlett here without my permission?

I probably should have been tracking how often an unexpected guest arrives, rather than just writing the same paragraph complaining about it whenever it happens.

I feel like the visual quality of this episode is lower than it has been before. I wonder if they remastered the first few seasons and then gave up like they did after TNG.

Aww, I love that Carol Lynley is the protagonist in — what I am told is — a significant fantasy. And she’s wearing the official Fantasy Island colours.

Oof, as Roarke is explaining Mandy’s fantasy, the camera is slowly moving, keeping focused on Roarke, so just the background moves. It might be a cool shot, but it’s so out of place on this show.

Tattoo: Then what’s her fantasy?
Roarke: Her fantasy, Tattoo, is to save her own life now.
Tattoo: Someone trying to kill her?
Roarke: She has not told me. But in her case, I have made an exception. She will tell me the rest when she’s ready.

Ooh, this is weird too — the first scene after the break/credits is Tattoo driving up to the main house and chatting with Roarke. The next scene is Tattoo in Roarke’s office, answering the phone. Like, what? Tattoo and Roarke aren’t supposed to have scenes! I thought they stopped doing that!

I think Roarke’s office has more plants this season.

I’m getting very Q vibes from the devil here.

I feel like the devil wouldn’t give up a soul just to get a flower.

Ooooh, that looks like a doooor now…

[Mandy Breem asks Roarke for a queen omega orchid.]
Roarke: To find one blooming at this time of the year?

Bullshit, dude — you can time travel.

It is a door! We finally get the patio this season. They haven’t actually gone out on the patio, but I feel like they want this to be the area to the left of the main house, because they usually have that white bench over there, and that would be consistent with Roarke’s other windows being at the front of the house. But we know that makes no damn sense. I’ll have to reserve judgment until we finally get a good look at the patio though.

Oh my god, a mini-fantasy! I thought those were history! This is great. And he enters Roarke’s office through the magic door.

Roarke: How ~exciting~.

Roarke’s kind of an asshole sometimes. This guy is super excited about his fantasy, and Roarke just totally condescends to him.

Mr. Badwell: That pirate ship… it seemed a lot smaller than I had expected.

Oh, they’re doing that joke again?

Mr. Badwell: We sent one more buccaneer to Davy Jones’ locker.

I’ll take it.

Tattoo: Boss, please do me a favour? No more Errol Flynn fantasy for a while. I been sunk four times this week. Please, boss?
Roarke: We’ll think about it.

Roarke never refers to himself as “we”, so this line sticks out to me. Is there someone else making decisions about which fantasies to grant?

Ace Scanlon: Herb, uh, why don’t you go around and ask a few questions, huh? Find out whether somebody’s been spending a lot of cash.
Herb Glazer: Okay. Yeah, it’s a small island.

Pfffft! Have you seen this island? Also, Roarke was just telling Larry Linville two episodes ago that it would be impossible to search the whole island for his missing girlfriend.

Mandy Breem [to the devil]: You devil.

Carol Lynley has these just absolutely great over-the-top looks every time she looks at the devil.

Fred Catlett: The only million dollars I saw lately came from Aladdin’s magic lamp.
Herb Glazer: Sounds to me like he’s been smokin’ some of the funny stuff.

I’m surprised they got away with this joke; I can’t think of any other drug references on this show.

Roarke: If you have a problem, my friend, yo, I’ll solve it that requires a little magic, perhaps we had better discuss it, huh?

Mandy Breem: Mr. Roarke, you’ve gotta help me!
Roarke: Help you? After you lied to me, Mrs. Breem?

Aw, c’mon, Roarke. Be a good sport.

Roarke: You should have told me you were involved with the Prince of Darkness, Mrs. Breem.
Phillip Breem: Are you crazy?
Mandy Breem: Mr. Roarke is right, Phillip. I entered into a pact with Satan, and payment is due.

I just love how absolutely seriously everyone is in this scene.

Roarke: You entered into a contact of your own free will, and Satan has certain rights, the same as everybody else.

Roarke: As I said, the Devil has his rights, but like everybody else, he is governed by rules and procedures. Now, your case is not a strong one… but there is immense power in a love such as yours.

“If you love music, man, you can play music.” I really need to watch The Devil & Daniel Webster, or at least read the story.

Roarke: The Devil is obliged to grant us a hearing.

I feel like this is the most ridiculous thing ever said on this show; come on, the Devil don’t owe you shit.

But good to know if you ever encounter a devil, I guess. Vampires can’t go over water, so if you see a vampire, get a boat. Devils must follow the law, so if you see a devil, get a courtroom.

Roarke: It will not be the first time that he and I have done combat.

Roarke: Tonight, I have an appointment with, uh, an old adversary. I am leaving this letter to be opened only if I don’t return.
Tattoo: Won’t return? You mean never? Boss, don’t say that!
Roarke: I am putting it here.
Tattoo: But boss, what’s gonna happen to me? What’s gonna happen to Fantasy Island?
Roarke: You will run everything in my place. This will tell you how.
Tattoo: But boss, I can’t do that. You know that.

So whatever power Roarke has can be explained in a teeny little letter, and he can somehow transfer that power to Tattoo in that letter. Or maybe the letter is just a backup plan, like here’s the number of a drama school where you can hire actors to act out people’s fantasies.

Really? That’s what you’re wearing to meet the devil?

Roarke: We have come to demand a hearing.
Devil: By all means. But you understand, Roarke, if you lose, I get your soul too.

If Roarke is out fighting the devil, and Tattoo’s out delivering stolen money in a briefcase, who’s watching the main house?

Fred Catlett: This whole fantasy stinks! First, I get a million dollars, and then, I’m dead broke, now, I’m probably dead!

“That’s for the benefit of any of you who’ve tuned in late. Now, back to our story!”

Ava Foster: Well, it did have one positive aspect.

Adding Fred and Ava to the “leaving with an extra guest” section in advance.

Roarke: They are clinging to each other in the face of the unknown, each bravely giving comfort to the other.
Devil: Why, Roarke, you are an incorrigible romantic.
Roarke: If you mean that I am in love with love… you are quite right.

Give this man the Emmy — how could anyone say that line to the devil with a straight face?

Devil: Don’t get me wrong; I find love very useful. Without love, there would be no temptation. In my business, I couldn’t get along without it.
Roarke: On the contrary, love is the creative energy of the universe. Without it, life would be hell, and you would have won long ago.

Devil: You are finally beaten.
Roarke: We both know the rules. You must take exactly what you are entitled to, exactly. Not one soul more nor less, or you relinquish your claim to all of us.
Devil: I claim all three souls!
Roarke: Three. I don’t see how you can manage that… there are four souls here.
Devil [exasperated]: Four?
Roarke: How will you take Mrs. Breem… without harming… the child?
Me: [HUGE GASP]

I always have a hard time knowing if normal people can see things like this coming, because I didn’t see that coming. I had absolutely no idea where Roarke was going with this until he said “the child”.

But that’s kind of a letdown, because everything that came before that was kind of pointless. Roarke coulda just rolled up like, yo, devil, you wanna take her soul? Well, she’s pregnant, and your contract doesn’t say nothing about that baby’s soul, so you lose, dude.

Why does the devil have to turn around to yell “DAAAAMN YOOOOU ROAAAARKE”

Oh, it’s so he can grow horns. That’s fair.

Roarke: I warn you, Mephistopheles… no reprisals.

Ooh! Roarke warned the devil. Daaamn.

Mandy Breem: Mr. Roarke, is it really over?
Roarke: For you two, yes.

As long as you don’t do any stupid shit like making a pact with the devil again.

Mandy Breem: You said that I was pregnant.
Roarke: My dear Mrs. Breem, when you get back to Philadelphia, I suggest you pay a visit to your family doctor.

So did Roarke do a mind-meld with Gracie Mandy to determine she was pregnant? Or did he touch fingers with her and impregnate her himself?

Ace Scanlon: The only thing you got in that case is the four hundred thousand from the hotel safe, right?
Tattoo: Right. Why don’t you check for yourself?
[Tattoo opens the briefcase and pulls out a gun.]
Tattoo: Stick it up!

Damn, we got Action Tattoo this episode, boys!

I think the music in the closing scene is closer to the music in the later seasons. I really don’t wanna go back and check the music from every episode thus far though. Maybe another day.

Fred Catlett: Ava? I thought she was in jail for bank robbery.
Tattoo: So did I. What happened?
Roarke: Very simple, gentlemen. Miss Ava Foster is an undercover police officer.

Roarke: Sometimes it’s best not to know where reality leaves off and the magic begins. To tell you truth, sometimes I am not altogether sure myself.

I googled “Queen Omega Orchid”, because I wanted to see if it was real, but it apparently is not, because I’m getting another review of this episode.

Oh my god, I just realized this episode had Blackbeard and a trial with the devil.

It doesn’t seem right to have guy named McDowall play the devil here, and then have a guy named McDowell play Mr. Roarke in the 1998 series.

Waaah, Roddy McDowall was almost TOS Q Trelane?! He was also considered for the role of Odo in DS9, and he was Al’s replacement in “A Leap for Lisa”. Which, if he had been Odo, that woulda been great considering Dax was Lisa.

I just rewatched a bit of “Lisa” where he showed up, and I think this could work — McDowall as St. John in “Lisa” is just Q screwing with Sam Beckett, who, as we all know, later leaps into the future and becomes a starship captain. Yeah, this guy’s a Q, no question — just like Mr. Zero in “The Devil & Peter Tork”.

• Guests:
  • Mr. Fred Catlett, the young man from Lincoln, Nebraska
  • Mrs. Amanda Breem of Philadelphia
• Unexpected guest: Roarke rejected Fred Catlett’s fantasy, but Tattoo is going to take care of it.
• Roarke’s drink: clearish yellow — but I think it’s different from last season’s clearish yellow drink. At least, the glass is different.
• Ominous shot of Roarke raising his glass: yup
• Locations:
  • Cabo Davadica
  • S&H Warehouse
• Magic object:
  • Tattoo: Did you ever hear of Aladdin’s lamp? This is it.
• Surprise guests: Phillip Breem, Mandy Breem’s husband
• Mini fantasy:
  • Roarke: My pleasure, Mr. Badwell. I take it your Errol Flynn fantasy was a success.
• Costume change: Tattoo as Blackbeard
• Recurring phrases:
  • Roarke: That lamp is not capable of magic.
    Tattoo: Oh, it is. Mr. Baffle told me so on the phone.
    Roarke: Indeed.
  • Roarke: I warn you, Mephistopheles… no reprisals.
  • Tattoo: Oh, I bought it, boss. Self protection, you know?
    Roarke: Indeed.
  • Tattoo: How did you know? You’re not a doctor.
    Roarke: Indeed.
• Action Tattoo:
  • [Tattoo opens the briefcase and pulls out a gun.]
    Tattoo: Stick it up!
• Leaving with an extra guest:
  • Mandy Breem with her husband, Phillip Breem
  • Fred Catlett with his new girlfriend, Ava Foster