Jencyclopedia

A girl wants to be a figure skater, and she ends up stealing Peggy Fleming’s boyfriend, Dack Rambo.
Dennis Cole wants to play piano good like his dead brother.
A divorced couple wants to decide who gets to keep their $5 million museum with a Wacky Races competition.

I still don’t dig the new music in the opening scene.

Roarke: She had hoped it would be snowing.
Tattoo: Snowing? Here on Fantasy Island?
Roarke: Well, anything is possible, my friend.

Tattoo: In that case, I think she gave you a big order, boss… but I have faith in you.
Roarke: Why thank you, Tattoo. That makes me feel much better.

Aww… I was all ready to add this quote to the “Tattoo has no faith” list, but I guess I need a new category now.

Roarke: How perspicacious of you, my friend.

I also need a dictionary.

Roarke: What Mr. Hale has in mind is much more complicated. It could prove extremely dangerous to him. Mr. Hale really wants to acquire the unique skills and genius… of a dead man.
Tattoo: A dead man?
Roarke: Yes, Tattoo —
[dramatic zoom on Roarke’s face]
Roarke: — one who may be seeking revenge from beyond the grave.

I really wanted Roarke to just repeat “a dead man” after the dramatic zoom.

Roarke: The pianist is Mr. Sergey Marco, considered one of the most celebrated virtuosi of the twentieth century.

The CTV subtitles and IMDb call him “Sir Gay Marco”, but you would never say “Mr. Sir Paul McCartney”, so I’m pretty sure his name is actually Sergey. Also, I feel like the name “Gay” had probably gone out of fashion by 1980.

Linda Roth: Can you help Jeremy play like that?
Roarke: Of course. If that is what he wishes… do you, Mr…. Hale?

Roarke: Don’t you have something to tell Miss Roth? Stop wasting my time, Mr. Hale!

Hey, none of the three fantasies had an office scene! Booo!

Charlotte Johnson: My first time on the ice here, and I have to fall in front of a man.

Peggy Fleming has not had a single line yet; she just stands around sulking. Reminds me of the Ramones in Rock ‘N’ Roll High School.

This is Len Lesser, right? He’s not listed on IMDb, but I’m guessing that has something to do with this being a three-fantasy episode, because Juliet Mills and everyone else in her fantasy is under “rest of cast listed alphabetically”. Oh geez, I never realized Len Lesser was Uncle Leo, and I’ve been watching a lot of Seinfeld lately.

Poor Mary Ann Mobley. When she’s married to John Saxon, he makes out with a mermaid. When she’s married to Dennis Cole, he makes out with his dead brother’s wife.

I feel like the disco music they’re playing during the skating scenes would have already felt dated at the time this episode aired. I wasn’t there, so I don’t know how people felt about disco in November 1980, but Wikipedia puts disco’s decline at 1979-1981, so I feel like that’s valid.

We’ve got the first appearance of the patio!!!

But that’s all they show here.

Roarke: I have a rule of not allowing a guest to cancel their fantasy once it has begun… however, in your case, I am asking you to allow me to end the fantasy.

Yeaaaah.

2×12 “Charlie’s Cherubs”, Roarke says he has to cancel the secretaries’ fantasy because there’s been a robbery. 2×14 “Seance”, Clare Conti arrives at the recreation of her childhood home, and Roarke offers to cancel her fantasy. 3×10 “The Pug”, Mitch Lee no longer wants to see his father being beat up by a champion boxer, so Roarke cancels his fantasy.

Imagine a GIF of Odo asking Worf “shall I continue?”

Laura Henderson: You know what I did? I checked her out. She’s never skated in a competition in her life. She doesn’t know what sacrifice means!
Roarke: Oh, she does, Miss Henderson. Indeed she does. She gave up a great deal to look after somebody else. I assure you, the fact that Miss Johnson hasn’t taken the same path as you to get here doesn’t make her dream any the less important.

This is actually a nice lesson for once. It reminds me of how the Byrds and everybody put down the Monkees for not paying their dues, but they didn’t see Peter washing dishes and passing the hat. They didn’t see that Davy came from nothing and worked to become a Broadway star.

Charlotte said “there’s one more performer after Laura”, but we just saw a girl in a burgundy dress skating and then a girl in a yellow dress skating.

How many times has this bungalow been on fire?

Wah, Roarke made it snow? I feel like there has to be a line in 5×16 “A Genie Named Joe” that will contradict this. Of course, Joe made it snow everywhere, and Roarke’s snow was only in a small area.

• Guests:
  • Miss Charlotte Johnson
  • Mr. Jeremy Hale and Miss Linda Roth, his fiancee from New York
  • Victor and Viola Erskine from Stanton Beach, California
• Tattoo has faith!
  • Roarke: As a matter of fact, the only skating she’s ever done has been confined to the frozen ponds around her family’s ponds in Minnesota, and that was some years ago.
    Tattoo: In that case, I think she gave you a big order, boss… but I have faith in you.
• What you really, really want:
  • Roarke: And our job would be very simple if Mr. Hale actually wanted that fantasy.
    Tattoo: You mean, that’s not what he wants? You mean, he’s lying to us?
  • Roarke: You see, Tattoo, both Mr. and Mrs. Erskine are determined to win the greatest race of their lives… or so they claim.
    Tattoo: You mean, they are lying?
    Roarke: Indeed I do, Tattoo. Unfortunately, their real fantasy is to cheat each other out of his or her community property, which is worth five million dollars.
• Ominous Roarke:
  • Roarke: What Mr. Hale has in mind is much more complicated. It could prove extremely dangerous to him. Mr. Hale really wants to acquire the unique skills and genius… of a dead man.
• Recurring phrases:
  • Tattoo: You mean, they are lying?
    Roarke: Indeed I do, Tattoo.
  • Roarke: Oh, she does, Miss Henderson. Indeed she does.
• Roarke’s drink: clearish yellow
• Ominous shot of Roarke raising his glass and drinking: yes
• Locations:
  • Fantasy Iceland (omg)
  • Penny Arcade
  • Sea Food Restaurant
• Magic object:
  • Charlotte Johnson: I really do appreciate the thought, but uh, I brought my own skates.
    Roarke: Ah, but this pair is special. No one knows who made them or even how old they are, but they are said to have belonged at one time to Miss Sonja Henie.
  • Roarke: This was Sergey’s ring. It was given to him by a European monarch. He never performed without it. When you put it on, you will play with all his passion and superb technique.
• Competitions:
  • International Figure Skating League, U.S. Team Trials
  • it’s not your typical international competition or anything with an official name, but there’s a race between the Erskines
  • Annual Fantasy Island Recital for Piano
• Not what you asked for:
  • Viola Erskine: But Mr. Roarke, you promised us a match race.
    Roarke: Oh, I beg your pardon, Mrs. Erskine. I beg your pardon. I promised you a winner-take-all race.
• Hypnosis:
  • [Again, this is debatable, but with the music and Roarke staring, I think that’s what’s happening here.]
    Tattoo: And when you finish playing, you will give it back to Mr. Roarke, please.
    Roarke [overly serious]: As soon as possible.
• Can’t help you:
  • Charlotte Johnson: Mr. Roarke, Mr. Roarke, you’ve gotta help me!
    Roarke: Of course, what is it?
    Charlotte Johnson: The skates you gave me, I put ’em in my locker, and now they’re gone.
    Roarke: I am very sorry to hear that Miss Johnson.
    Charlotte Johnson: You’re sorry? There’s one more performer after Laura Henderson, then I’ve gotta get out there and perform!
    Roarke: I wish I could be of service, Miss Johnson, but unfortunately, that was the only pair of skates that could fulfill your fantasy.
• Meddling Roarke: Despite telling Charlotte Johnson that he can’t help her, he pesters Peggy Fleming until she gives him the stolen skates.
• Roarke saves the day: Carla Marco is about to shoot Jeremy Hale when Roarke sneaks up behind her and grabs the gun.
• Leaving with an extra guest: Charlotte Johnson with new boyfriend Mike O’Brien