Jencyclopedia

Pamela Franklin wants to meet an old actor who worked with her lookalike grandmother, and he turns out to be Dorian Gray.
Julie pretends to be Ella Mae in a contest between the Chubbers and the Weskitts trying to find some famous whiskey.

I know the main house set is long gone, but man, that would be so cool to be there. I mean, I could go to the Queen Anne Cottage, but it’s just not the same. The real Fantasy Island is the set.

Wendy Schaal?! Aaaah!

Ohhh, I remember this episode! The name Vicky Lee sounded so familiar, and yeah, I remember that story. I also remember a scene in the office from Julie’s family’s fantasy, and I thought at the time that it was two different fantasies in one story, and I remember thinking that was different, but I’m pretty sure it’s not actually that different.

Roarke: Obviously, you did not get my telegram advising you against coming.

People were still using telegrams in 1981?

Oh no, not a map. I don’t want to analyze this thing.

Wow, the main house looks really small in this shot; like I don’t think they could even fit the entire office set in that building. Maybe it’s just the lighting though.

That would be a fun job, to make up all the fake movie posters. I like that they’re all Columbia Pictures productions.

Karl Duncan: Well, let me assure you, Miss Lee. We’re not related.

“So we can have sex.”

RJ Scoggins: I’ll misread our part of the map on purpose and get us lost.
Julie Ruth Ann McAllister: What fer?

She keeps saying “RJ”, and all I can think of is “I wanna help SJ too, but I can’t; he’s feeble-minded.”

Karl Duncan: A girl like you shouldn’t be without love.

“A girl like you”?

Roarke: I am exceedingly disappointed and angry! I will not tolerate the use of firearms on Fantasy Island.

Umm… okay, I seem to remember last episode that a dude shot another dude. And there was a Butch Cassidy fantasy, and there are so many firearms on Fantasy Island, dude.

That is a terrible shirt.

WTFFFFF.

Roarke is talking to Vicky through the TV? Noooo this makes no sense what aaahhhhh.

[Vicky opens a closet. There’s a TV inside.]
Vicky Lee: Oh, a television.
[She turns on the TV. Fantasy Island is on.]
Vicky Lee: Mr. Roarke!
Roarke: Please, forgive this somewhat unusual intrusion, Miss Lee. Unfortunately, it’s the only way I can reach you. I wanted to make certain you were alright.
Vicky Lee: Perfectly fine, thank you.

Why is she treating this like it’s normal? Oh my god.

Also “it’s the only way I can reach you”? You can appear wherever you want to!

Oooh, shiiit. After Roarke tells her that Claude Duncan doesn’t have a grandson, and the “grandson” overhears, he’s able to cause interference and scramble Roarke’s signal. And they keep showing a shot of a devil statue. This is not quite Dorian Gray; Dorian didn’t hang out with the devil, he just hung out with all those damn boring tapestries for an entire frickin’ chapter, and no, I will never get over that.

Roarke: To take Miss Lee, you must destroy me first.

It’s so nice of Roarke to risk his life for one measly guest all the time.

Oh my god, even The Monkees had better lightning than that.

Oh, dammit, two episodes in a row with dudes forcing women to kiss them.

There’s this old dude with a silly voice hanging out at the whiskey still… yeah, you’re not gonna fool me. I know who that is.

“No firearms” pffft. You hypocrite, Roarke.

Ugggh, stop with that voice, omg.

Roarke: [with a disguised voice] What you call White Lightning, is indeed [with his regular voice] a wondrous nectar.

Okay, this was beautiful, making the transition on the “indeed”.

Roarke: A single taste transforms the drinker into a person of compassion and brotherly love permanently.

WTF, so Roarke just drugged them all?

This is such a mundane shot, but it just looks so wrong to me because he’s not wearing white.

Holy crap, we just saw Roarke transport in. He stopped time at midnight, and then he just beamed right in.

I remember seeing the scene when Roarke confronts Duncan before, and I think I thought this was one of the devil episodes.

• Guests:
  • Miss Vicky Lee, a very capable journalist.
  • Miss Ruth Ann McAllister, her two brothers, Amos and Otis, and their aunt, Miss Clora McAllister; Mr. R.J. Scoggins, his brother Bobby Joe, and their uncle, Mr. Norris Scoggins. All from Eagle Mountain, Tennessee.
• Ominous Roarke:
  • Roarke: Becky Lee died a most mysterious death, and I am very much afraid that Miss Lee’s probing into the past may place her in a present danger more frightening than she can imagine.
  • Tattoo: But boss, how can you give the same fantasy to both of them?
    Roarke: As usual Tattoo, in your most penetrating manner, you have placed your finger on the heart of a most dangerous… and explosive… situation…
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke: yeah, kinda
• Roarke’s powers:
  • Claude Duncan: When you confined me within these walls and limited my powers to this chateau, you forfeited your own powers over me.
• Meddling Roarke:
  • Roarke: In consideration of the unfair tactics employed by them, I will point out a shortcut, which will give you an equal opportunity to still win the contest.
• Recurring phrases:
  • Roarke: What you call White Lightning, is indeed a wondrous nectar.
  • Tattoo: White Lightning strike again, boss.
    Roarke: Indeed, Tattoo. Indeed.
• What you really, really want:
  • Roarke: And now, Miss McAllister, Mr. Scoggins. I believe it’s time to reveal the true fantasy of your aunt and your uncle. You see, they too have been in love with each other for many years, but the feud between your families kept them apart, stole away their youth, broke their hearts. Their true fantasy was to make certain that the same thing didn’t happen to you.
• Leaving with an extra guest: Ruth Ann McAllister and RJ Scoggins arrived separately but together, but now, they’re leaving together together.
• Not leaving on the plane:
  • Ruth Ann McAllister: Oh, Mr. Roarke, we can’t find Aunt Clora or Uncle Norris anywhere, and it’s time to leave.
    Roarke: Oh, sorry, I forgot to tell you; they decided to stay on here for a few more days.
    Tattoo: And get reacquainted.
  • Ruth Ann McAllister: Where are the boys, anyway?
    RJ Scoggins: Oh, I’m sorry, honey, they caught an early plane to get things started.