Jencyclopedia

A man wants to meet his father, who died in a war or something when the man was a baby.
Princess Nyah wants to know what love is, and she thinks Roarke can show her.

Tattoo: Boss! Boss! De plane!

Hey… shenanigans?

Waaht! Tattoo is getting into the car alone?!

Ohhh, because Roarke’s gone to see Nyah. That makes sense.

They’re reusing the same shot of Nyah swimming underwater from her previous episode.

Ha ha, Roarke ~warns~ Nyah, and she says the same thing as every other guest, “yeah, yeah, don’t worry, nothing can happen to me.”

Roarke: But first, to know human love, one must first be mortal.

Okay, I’ll buy that. It makes sense. I think my theory is that Roarke was mortal at one time, and then he became immortal, rather than like being born immortal.

Tattoo: Smiles, everyone. Smiles!

Waaaah! This is great.

Tattoo: Boss! Where were you? You should have been here. The plane was approaching, and then suddenly, it turned around and went back to sea.
Roarke: Uh, yes. Yes, my friend. I suspect the pilot saw a castaway drifting helplessly with the current and stopped to pick her up.
Tattoo: A castaway? Her?! But boss, that’s Princess Nyah, the mermaid. What is she doing here?
Roarke: She’s a customer.

A few things here:

• Roarke just left Nyah alone in the ocean, drowning, with her new legs.
• Tattoo recognizes Nyah. I don’t remember Tattoo meeting her last time? I don’t think he would have? I thought only John Saxon saw her for the most part.
• Roarke calls Nyah a “customer”. Usually, they’re guests, and sometimes, they’re clients. “Customer” is weird; that’s like something Season 1 Mercenary Tattoo would say.

Oh, Roarke has a bird in his office now. I thought that didn’t happen until like season 7.

Roarke: Yours is a very difficult fantasy, Mr. Chilton. My preparations had to be meticulous, and Tattoo’s research was very precise.

I don’t think they’ve ever referred to Tattoo doing research for fantasies before. I feel like Tattoo has definitely been given increased job responsibilities as the show has gone on, and I certainly hope Roarke has given him a raise.

Chilton asks “when can we start”, and then two Lava Lava girls and Tattoo enter the office from the magic door, and Tattoo says “all set, boss”. That’s… different.

Roarke: If you wish, your fantasy begins now. But first, I must remind you… that it is exceedingly dangerous.

Remind?! Boo.

They walk through the magic door, and the magic room is bigger than it was in 3×21 “Jungle Man”, but it’s still a small room with no other visible exit. Roarke says the room is filled with “elements of your fantasy”.

Tony Chilton: What do I do now?
Roarke: Change into the clothes you’ll find in those boxes, and then, when you’re ready, sit down on the chair and wait.

After Chilton sits, the room starts to fill with fog. They pan up to a photo of a plane, which then becomes a live shot of the plane… and now is when I stop paying attention to this fantasy.

Hm, guest bungalow 3. I guess some bungalow do have numbers. Gross.

Hey! We’ve got the first appearance of the rock wall bungalow! That one’s my favourite.

Nyah: When I am angry, and I do this [stomps feet], they hurt!
Roarke: Then don’t do that any more.

Nyah: Why did you not tell me that you would take away my beautiful tail?
Roarke: But you demanded your fantasy at once. Well, I could hardly disobey a royal command, could I?
Nyah: …this is true.

I love Nyah and Roarke’s banter.

Nyah: I am a princess, after all.

“You’re nothing but a lowly little peasant, a wayward serf, the lowest of the low.”

Nyah: Bring me some love at once; I am beginning to get bored.

Oh my god. I love Nyah, period.

[Nyah shows up at the pool naked. The guests are shocked. Roarke wraps a towel around her.]
Roarke: Uh, excuse us, there’s been a slight mistake. She’s a, uh, health club member, and obviously, she got too much sun.

I don’t know what a health club is exactly, but apparently Fantasy Island has one. Oh ha ha, I guess it’s just a 1980s way of saying “gym”. I don’t get why that’s a good excuse, but okay.

Waaah! The Monkees’ fountain! (Friends? What the hell is that?)

Roarke: You are on dry land now, and we humans observe certain conventions.

We humans?!

Roarke: Yes. Yes, I am quite sure anyone who looks at you will say… there goes… a real… human being.

I’ve got a GIF now to use every time Spock puts on a hat.

Nyah: Now I can start searching for someone to have love with. If you see him before I do, will you point him out?
Roarke: Oh, I can’t decide whom you love, Nyah.

Yeahhh… I dunno. I feel like half of Roarke’s job description is playing matchmaker, putting together guests to play Marc Antony and Cleopatra and fall in love, so I’m pretty sure he can decide who Nyah will love.

Nyah: Roarke, look! A beautiful golden haired mortal. I think I will love him.

Nyah is wonderful.

[Nyah pushes a girl into the pool.]
Roarke: May I remind that I have provided your fantasy and will cancel it unless you control yourself. Do you understand?!

I don’t think Roarke threatens to cancel fantasies very often.

Roarke: It appears to be a fine Havana, Mr. Chilton. Do you find something wrong with the cigar?
Tony Chilton: Mr. Roarke. What are you doing here?
Roarke: Well, I wanted to make sure your real fantasy was progressing satisfactorily.

This might be the first time Roarke pops up in a fantasy unannounced but not in disguise.

Roarke: I must remind you that fate cannot be altered or history rewritten. No matter how desperately we might wish it so, we cannot change what happened on March 23rd, 1944.

This is a new establishing shot for the restaurant. And who hell is behind the bar? That’s not Wally! And they gave the new bartender a line? Boo.

This series seems to think all immortals have the power of hypnosis.

[Roarke is lecturing Nyah.]
Nyah: I will not be lectured to by commoners, Roarke.

Roarke: My dear Princess Pain-in-the-Neck, I shall now show my love for a naughty little girl by spanking her where she has been needing it for a least a thousand years.
Nyah: Stand back! I will not let you touch the royal person.
Roarke: Oh, I promise that the part I touch is not all that royal.

I do not like this exchange though, ugggh.

And then Roarke actually spanks her?

Nyah: I need not continue my search for love.
Roarke: Well, if you wish to terminate your fantasy, that is entirely your affair, but please, do let me know your decision, won’t you?
Nyah: I don’t have to look any further, because…
[Roarke leaves.]
Nyah: …I have found the one I love. It is you, Roarke. I love you.

Yeeeee no. This was such a good episode, and then…

I’m totally cool with Nyah falling in love with Roarke — look, I get that. But not right after he spanks her! Geesh.

I definitely remember seeing this episode on TV, and I think I did see the spanking scene, but I guess I blocked it out of my memory. I guess I saw the last half of this episode rather than the first half, which is not how I usually saw this show, but I’m glad, because the first half was the funny part, and I’d rather I got to enjoy that part now without spoilers. Honestly, I remember more about the other fantasy — and even though it’s a plane fantasy, I do actually kind of like it.

Tattoo is painting! I think that’s a first. I wonder if Hervé Villechaize actually painted that painting.

[Nyah tries to hypnotize Roarke.]
Nyah: Love me.
Roarke: Nyah, Nyah. Did you think to seduce me with trickery and win my affection by unnatural power? What would love won that way be worth?

Nyah: I see your face before me when you are not there. I hear your voice speak my name as in a dream.

Probably because he’s the only man you’ve taken the time to meet on this island.

Nyah: And I don’t know how to tell you these things. To touch you how you touched me.

Umm, so is she saying she wants to spank Roarke, ’cause, uh…

Roarke: I do have love for you, Nyah, but not the love you wish for or deserve.
Nyah: But why not?
Roarke: You are a child in so many ways. And a gentleman does not take advantage of innocence.

Okay, hold up. Nyah is immortal. She’s been around for hundreds? thousands? of years? And yes, she is out of her element on land, and yes, she is like a child. But Helena was only forty of your Earth years old, and yet Roarke was okay with marrying her. Nyah is like the only age appropriate love interest for him on this island.

And a big HA to gentlemen on Fantasy Island not taking advantage of children. They’d go out of business if they didn’t allow that.

Roarke: Tattoo is unable to swim a stroke.

And yet, he takes a boat out on the ocean and doesn’t even wear a lifevest.

Roarke takes off his jacket to go swim out and save Tattoo, but Nyah stops him and says she’ll do it. Nyah obviously never saw Wrath of Khan or she would have waited a little longer before stopping him.

David Chilton: Come on, I’ll buy you an orange pop.

This guy keeps calling it “pop”, which is so weird to hear on an American show.

Hey, the fog shows up at the end of the fantasy. That doesn’t always happen, does it? And then Chilton is sitting in the magic room again, and Roarke opens the door.

Nyah: But I have not given up. You see, we shall meet again.

Hey, she’s actually right.

Oof, no — those pants with that jacket? Eww.

• Guests:
  • The mermaid
  • Mr. Tony Chilton, an airline pilot from Okmulgee, Oklahoma
• Ominous Roarke:
  • Roarke: It’s an understatement to say that, uh, with you, love can be dangerous… perhaps even for yourself.
  • Tattoo: He could get killed.
    Roarke: He could indeed, my friend. Besides, there is a great deal more to his fantasy than meets the eye…
• Sadistic Roarke: He gives Nyah the mermaid legs and then just leaves her in the water to drown.
• Recurring phrases:
  • Tattoo: He could get killed.
    Roarke: He could indeed, my friend.
• Roarke’s drink: clearish yellow
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: no, he watches Nyah drink her drink and throw it out; he smiles and then drinks his drink
• Locations:
  • Briefing Room
  • Ship’s Anchor Tavern
  • Rose & Crown
• What you really, really want:
  • Tony Chilton: Mr. Roarke. What are you doing here?
    Roarke: Well, I wanted to make sure your real fantasy was progressing satisfactorily.
    Tony Chilton: You knew all along, I guess.
    Roarke: It was very simple to determine that two months after your birth, your father, Mr. David Chilton, was reported killed in action as a squadron leader of the fifty-third naval fighter group.
• Disappearing act: Roarke comes to talk to Chilton. Chilton puts his cigar out on the ground, and when he looks up, Roarke has disappeared.
• Costume change: Tattoo wears a red beret and light grey painter’s smock.