Jencyclopedia

A man wants his family to spend the weekend as the Beverly Hillbillies.
Marcia Brady is Cinderella turned Carrie.

Ah, this is the guy from the haunted house fantasy with his sister — I mean, his not sister.

Roarke: That is a copy of today’s Fantasy Island Chronicle.

I love that they’ve kept the name of the paper consistent. They’ve changed from black ink to red ink, which is weird, but red and white are Fantasy Island’s colours, so I dig it.

I guess Tattoo is in charge of the newspaper, because Roarke seems surprised to read what is written about how rich the Boggs family is.

Roarke: Tattoo, why don’t you try the other side of the island… there are some excellent places to hide.
Tattoo: You give me a job. “Call the newspaper”, you say.
Roarke: And give them the Boggs party announcement. That’s all I said.
Tattoo: Boss, please. I’m the best assistant you ever had, right?
Roarke: That is not the issue.

I dunno, Roarke didn’t really answer Tattoo’s question.

There was a wipe transition after this scene. They don’t usually do that, do they?

[Trudy wants to be pretty.]
Roarke: Perhaps the self-confidence, faith in yourself should come first. Others see you as you see yourself.
Trudy Brown: I guess you’re right.
[Trudy starts to leave.]
Roarke: However, Miss Brown…

“I didn’t bring this magic mirror into my office for nothing.”

Roarke: See yourself as I see you. Your figure, slim and graceful. Your skin, as smooth as cream. Your eyes, sparkling jewels.

This is creepy. I know she’s like 25 years old here, but Marcia will always be a kid to me. And Roarke is still like thirty years older than her.

[After Trudy becomes beautiful.]
Tattoo: Boss, how did you do it?

I feel like Roarke has probably never explained to Tattoo how he does anything, and I feel like Tattoo should probably know by now there’s no point in asking. Tattoo is written pretty inconsistently; sometimes, he seems to be in on the magic (even if he doesn’t understand it), but sometimes, he seems surprised by it.

Trudy Brown: Can I make other things happen?
Roarke: Oh, indeed.
Trudy Brown: What kind of things?
Roarke: You will find out soon enough. Use your power wisely, Miss Brown. For I warn you, the price will be very high.

We’re still not back at “but I must warn you”, but we’re getting closer.

Awww, Tattoo looks in the mirror after Trudy leaves, hoping he will appear taller.

Well, mark one down for a “leaving with an extra guest”, as long as this chauffeur doesn’t turn out to be a bad guy.

Marcia had to go live with her aunt after her parents died, and the aunt is a total jerk to her. Roarke just says to Marcia, “you never receive love until you learn how to accept it”. Um, no, Marcia is not the problem; Aunt Mabel is the problem. She shouldn’t be treating a kid like that.

Kathy Fox: Is there something wrong?
Hadley Boggs: No, just that you’re very beautiful, Miss Fox.

Wally! And he got a line!

Hadley’s new girlfriend just confessed to him that she’s not really rich. Hadley had the perfect opportunity to tell her the same, but he didn’t. I feel like that’s gonna end badly for him.

Marcia got angry and made flames surround her cousin. The first time she used her new telekinetic powers, she made the gymnastics equipment break, which can be easily explained, but flames outta nowhere? That’s weird. People are gonna wonder.

THE PATIO!

We didn’t see much of it though. Gimme a wide shot!

Roarke: Vengeance is always costly to someone.

I really need to make some Wrath of Khan GIFs.

Tattoo: Hello, Mr. Fox. Do you have a minute?
Roger Fox: Sure, sit down. You sure run a wonderful operation.
Tattoo: Barely marginal. But, I heard about your island. What’s it like? Plenty water?
Roger Fox: Plenty. All around.
Tattoo: Good beaches?
Roger Fox: Not bad.
Tattoo: I’ll take it.
Roger Fox: I’ve already sold it.
Tattoo: How much?
Roger Fox: Two million.
Tattoo: Ha. I’ll give you four.
Roger Fox: That’s big money for such a little guy.
Tattoo: You know that guy I work for?
Roger Fox: Roarke?
Tattoo: Yes, Mr. Roarke. Well, I do all the work around here, and you know what? He gets all the credit. I’m tired of it. I’m fed up! I’m gonna have my own island! And I’m gonna call it Incredible Reef.
[Roarke enters.]
Roarke: Ah, there you are, Tattoo. Eh, there is a problem in the kitchen. Please attend to it right away, huh?
Tattoo [whispering]: You see what I mean? Call me later on.

When they let Tattoo have scenes, he’s so much fun. But Incredible Reef is a terrible name for his island.

Roarke: Good afternoon, Mr. Fox. I’ve been looking for you.
Roger Fox: You too?
[Roarke gestures to a chair.]
Roarke: May I?
Roger Fox: Please.
[Roarke sits down.]
Roarke: I will come straight to the point. Your island, off the Florida coast?
Roger Fox: Yeah?
Roarke: I wish to purchase it, for cash.

Roarke makes a great face after Roger Fox offers him ten percent, but it doesn’t make for a good GIF.

Why does Roarke even invite guys like Roger Fox to Fantasy Island in the first place? I know, I know, because otherwise, there’d be no show. Whose job is that, you think, to find all these scummy people to bring to the island?

Wait, so Roarke is Marcia’s Fairy Godmother.

Oh my god, both of the Boggs children got married in the end.

Otis Boggs: Mr. Roarke, that is what I call a first-rate wedding.
Roarke: Oh, splendid, but Mrs. Boggs seems a little preoccupied.
Otis Boggs: I know. She’s been that way ever since we got here.
Roarke: A woman who has worked hard all her life to take care of her family and believes that she’s important to them, and then suddenly, she’s surrounded by servants. She’s not allowed to mend clothes, cook meals, do anything.

I can’t speak for all women, and I certainly can’t speak for mothers or homemakers… but I feel like most women, if they got to go to Fantasy Island and just relax for a weekend and let servants take care of everything, they’d probably enjoy it, and they wouldn’t fret too much about not being “needed”.

Does Misty Rowe wind up married at the end of every episode she’s in?

Roarke: Fantasy Island changes most people.

But I’m not sure the aunt is going to stop taking her anger towards Marcia’s mother out on Marcia? And I’m not sure Marcia is going to stop taking her anger towards her aunt out on her cousin?

Trudy Brown: I never could have won that tournament without the special power you gave me.
Roarke: Oh, you’re wrong, Miss Brown. The power came from within you.

Wait. Roarke is Zero in reverse? Or Roarke is Mike? Mike is a Q?

Roarke: Oh, by the way, there is a certain someone who would like to sit beside you on the return trip.

orly.

Tattoo: Boss?
Roarke: Yes?
Tattoo: I hope she come back soon.
Roarke: Why?
Tattoo: I like the way she says goodbye.

This almost feels like a fourth wall break, because they don’t typically have guests come back, but Maureen McCormick does come back.

• Guests:
  • The Otis T. Boggs clan, owners of a small farm in the Ozark mountains. The fantasy belongs to Mr. Hadley Boggs.
  • Miss Janet Martin, her mother, Mrs. Mabel Martin, and Mrs. Martin’s niece, Miss Trudy Brown.
• Ominous Roarke:
  • Tattoo: They look like fish out of water.
    Roarke: That’s right, Tattoo. That’s what worries me. Fish out of water frequently end up in the frying pan…
  • Roarke: Just for once, Miss Trudy Brown would like to be in control, make things happen, instead of having them happen to her.
    Tattoo: What kind of things?
    Roarke: That, my friend, is the question… and the danger…
• Competitions: Fantasy Island Gymnastics Tournament
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke raising his glass: yeah, he looks concerned
• Cancelling the fantasy:
  • Hadley Boggs: It’s like giving them a whole pile of toys on Christmas, then taking them back the next day.
    Tattoo: Does that mean that, uh, you want my boss to cancel your fantasy?
• Not what you asked for:
  • Roarke: Are you disappointed with Fantasy Island?
    Trudy Brown: Oh no. No, Mr. Roarke. It’s even more beautiful than I expected. Well, I guess this seems pretty silly, but I kind of hoped that I might change too.
    Roarke: Oh?
    Trudy Brown: Look at me, as plain as ever.
    Roarke: Miss Brown, your fantasy is to make things happen in your life; you don’t need beauty to win a gymnastics competition.
• Magic object:
  • Roarke: This mirror was made for Helen of Troy… or so the legend says. No one is certain what the material is, but it was crafted so perfectly that it reflects images without the slightest distortion.
• Recurring phrases:
  • Trudy Brown: Can I make other things happen?
    Roarke: Oh, indeed.
  • Roarke: You will find out soon enough. Use your power wisely, Miss Brown. For I warn you, the price will be very high.
  • Roarke: I warn you once more, Miss Brown. Think clearly, control your emotions, or you may cause irreparable harm.
• Locations:
  • Fantasy Sports Arena
  • Spyglass Point
  • Lookout Peak
  • Women’s Dormitory
• Recurring characters:
  • Wally: May I freshen your drink?
• Roarke’s powers: After Trudy Brown sets the gymnastics equipment on fire, Roarke puts it out with his eyes.
• Meddling Roarke and Tattoo: After Roger Fox tricks guest Hadley Bogg’s father into buying a worthless island for two million dollars with money he doesn’t have, Tattoo puts a story in the Fantasy Island newspaper about gold being found on the island. Fox wants Roarke to say the deal was null and void, and Roarke agrees.
• Leaving with an extra guest:
  • Hadley Boggs with new wife Kathy Fox
  • Emily Boggs with new husband Frank the chauffeur
  • Trudy Brown with new boyfriend Bud Simmons