Jencyclopedia

An old married couple wants to meet again as strangers and see if they would fall in love again.
A woman wants to get married to her politician fiancé, but she has a secret past.

Roarke: Their combined fantasy is, after all these happy years together, to meet as if for the first time. To meet as total strangers.

Aw, that’s cute.

Tattoo: Why do they want to do that?
Roarke: To prove to themselves and to each other that they’ll fall in love now, just as they did some forty years ago as children.

Ah. Yeah, that’s not gonna go well. I sense an ominous statement from Roarke coming up…

Roarke: But when people tempt fate, as they are doing, the ending may be quite different from the one they anticipate with such confidence.

Roarke: You see, Miss Archer’s life — until she met Mr. Foster a year ago — was a most dangerous, even sordid one.
[…]
Tattoo: How come you look so unhappy?
Roarke: I am concerned for Miss Archer. And I sincerely hope that in her case, her most unpleasant past does not become her present.

Let me guess: she’s a prostitute. Roarke loves bringing prostitutes to Fantasy Island.

[Tattoo is on the phone.]
Tattoo: …gâteau de ???, et ??? champagne, et des fleurs. Entendu? Merci beaucoup.

I don’t understand all the words, but Tattoo’s just ordering a cake, champagne, and flowers for the wedding.

When they show the establishing shot of the Queen Anne Cottage before cutting to a scene in the office, sometimes, they zoom in on the window (which we know cannot be Roarke’s office window — don’t even get me started). This time though, they zoomed in on the door, which clearly doesn’t line up with the door they use on the main house set.

During the office scene, Roarke starts walking towards the patio, and I think we’re finally gonna get a good view of it… but then he stops just before stepping out the door.

Margaret Wilkerson: I’m just amazed that a man with your talent would be playing here.

I mean, I know Fantasy Island is filled with lowlifes and tacky decor, but you still chose to come here.

[There’s a women’s exercise class going on.]
Instructor: Hup, alright, keep going, now. Hup, hup, hup, come on! Now keep it moving, and smile, alright, come on. Yeah! Woo! Let’s make it jazzy, alright. Come on, yeah. Alright, come on. And stretch, and swing. You got it, yeah! Come on! Woo! Alright. Now make it jazzy, alright. Come on, now, do some swinging and stretching, yeah. And stretch, and up, and take it right, and left. Come on, woo! Ow! It feels good, yeah!

This instructor is way too enthusiastic. She literally does not stop talking for the entire four minute scene. I set up Soundflower just so I could record this.

Francine: Are you with anyone? Wife? Girlfriend?

This fantasy is actually totally unfair to Cesar Romero and this chick. Fantasy Island always has a happy ending, so you know the Wilkersons are going to end up back together in the end, but now these two other people are going become invested in their relationships that aren’t going to go anywhere.

Roarke: I must admit that I am concerned about this fantasy, Tattoo.

Really? Women get kidnapped and raped on Fantasy Island every other week, and Roarke is never concerned about that, but a couple not falling in love, oh boy.

Pamela Archer: I’m sorry, Jack. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, but I’ve already asked Mr. Roarke to cancel the wedding.

Ugggh, this is so frustrating. All she has to say to him is look, I used to be a prostitute. If you don’t want to be with me any more because that will probably ruin your political career, I understand. At least give him a choice.

[Roarke has given Tattoo a Cupid costume and arrow for a special assignment.]
Roarke: It is said that this golden shaft was unearthed on Mount Olympus, the seat of the gods, and that it has all the power of Cupid’s darts to strike love in the human heart.
Tattoo: Who am I gonna shoot?
Roarke: I will tell you when the time comes. What you must remember is that you have but one arrow. It must be used wisely.
[A Lava Lava Girl walks by.]
Lava Lava Girl: Oh, Tattoo, you look so elegant.
Tattoo: Don’t worry, boss; I use it wisely.
[Tattoo follows the girl. Roarke narrows his eyes. The camera zooms in on Tattoo’s back, spins around, and then zooms out. Tattoo turns around to look back at Roarke. Roarke tries to suppress a smile.]

I have no idea what happened at the end of this scene here? What exactly are we supposed to think Roarke did to Tattoo?

Aw, this episode actually aired on Valentine’s Day. That’s nice.

omg, the synchronized disco dancing.

I feel like after the Wilkersons get their memories back, they’re not gonna live happily ever after, because they’re gonna realize they didn’t actually fall in love with each other again, and they only got together because Roarke and Tattoo pushed them together.

Nick Corbin: That was a mistake, hero.
Roarke: No, Mr. Corbin. You being on this island is the mistake.

I think Roarke needs a better security system or something, because people who shouldn’t be there keep getting on his island.

Umm… since when does Roarke use his telekinetic powers in front of the mortals guests? Okay, actually, it doesn’t seem to be telekinetic powers, because he’s actually holding onto the guy’s hand when he throws him through the air. Roarke has super strength too?

One, I hate all the other dudes in white suits. Two, oh my god — I have never seen so much red and white in one place before.

Tattoo is standing next to the groom, and Tattoo starts looking through his pockets.

Wtf, why does Roarke walk her down the aisle? They didn’t invite their family to the wedding?

Tattoo is struggling, trying to get the rings off his fingers. He looks to Roarke for help. Roarke just makes faces and rolls his eyes, when we all know full well Roarke could just use his powers to get the rings off of Tattoo’s fingers.

…and then the scene just fades out? And then fades into the shot of the plane for the final scene? The preacher is droning on with the wedding ceremony, and it just fades out? They don’t even get to “kiss the bride”? Who thought this scene through?

Roarke: Will you send us an invitation to your inauguration, Mr. Foster?

Come on, Roarke’s not gonna leave the island to go to some stupid inauguration, so why would he even ask this? Also, can Roarke even leave the island?

Margaret Wilkerson: Well, I just want to say that this was the happiest Valentine’s Day I’ve–we’ve–ever had.

Uh, I think you spent most of the day away from your husband, so that’s not really a good thing.

And there’s no resolution for Roger Alexander, unless I missed it. Mr. Wilkerson at least pawned Francine off on one of the other dancers.

So, yeah. This was a Valentine’s episode. Not all that interesting.

• Guests:
  • Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Wilkerson from Fort Wayne, Indiana.
  • Miss Pamela Archer and Mr. Jack Foster from Bloomington, Illinois.
• Ominous Roarke:
  • Roarke: But when people tempt fate, as they are doing, the ending may be quite different from the one they anticipate with such confidence.
• Tattoo has faith:
  • Tattoo: That’s an easy one for you to fix boss.
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: slightly ominous
• Events: Sweetheart Ball
• Recurring phrases:
  • Roarke: Indeed, his supporters are confident that he will be the next governor of his state.
  • Roarke: A wonderful experience indeed.
  • Roarke: On Valentine’s Day, we must have a cupid.
    Tattoo: Cupid?
    Roarke: Indeed.
  • [The Fosters arrive at the dock to leave Fantasy Island. Tattoo starts humming “Here Comes the Bride”.]
    Roarke: Indeed.
  • Tattoo: Love is beautiful, boss.
    Roarke: Indeed, Tattoo.
• Terms & conditions:
  • Roarke: There is only one condition; it is simply that you both return to this bungalow tomorrow at midnight.
• Magic door:
  • [It’s not the normal door, but:]
    Roarke: That door connects to your bungalow, Mr. Wilkerson. When it closes between the two of you, at that instant, you will both lose all memory of each other.
• What you really, really want:
  • Roarke: Why don’t you tell me the truth, Miss Archer? Tell me the real reason why you wish to call off the wedding.
• Costume change:
  • Tattoo as Cupid.
  • Roarke and Tattoo wear white tuxedos to the Foster wedding.
• Magic object:
  • Roarke: It is said that this golden shaft was unearthed on Mount Olympus, the seat of the gods, and that it has all the power of Cupid’s darts to strike love in the human heart.
• Roarke saves the day: Nick Corbin and Jack Foster are fighting. Nick pulls out a knife. Roarke grabs his wrist and forces him to drop the knife before he can use it.
• Roarke’s powers: Roarke grabs Nick Corbin’s wrist and then sends flying him through the air.
• All you need is love / ‘Cause I gotta have faith:
  • Tom Wilkerson: Thank you, Mr. Roarke.
    Roarke: And thank you and your wife, Mr. Wilkerson, for helping to prove once again that love and faith are everlasting qualities.
• All you need is love:
  • Tattoo: Love is beautiful, boss.
    Roarke: Indeed, Tattoo. Of life’s myriad fantasies, love is without a doubt the most wondrous of them all.