Jencyclopedia

A guy wants to be Dixon Hill.
Michelle Phillips wants to be “the most celebrated horsewoman of all time”, so Roarke turns her into Lady Godiva.

When I hear the word “Montana” I always think of “this is my room… this is not Montana”.

Roarke: Her fantasy is to be the most celebrated horsewoman who ever lived.

When I first saw this episode on TV — this was when I still wasn’t really all that interested in the show — I thought perhaps Roarke was going to turn her into a half-woman, half-horse. And then what Roarke really goes and does, I think this was the first time I thought to myself that that Roarke is a bastard. And honestly, this probably played a role in why I started watching this show.

That’s a different shot of the house. I thought maybe it was the Queen Anne Cottage at first, but it’s not. They did such a good job re-creating it.

Roarke: Your fantasy is to be the most celebrated horsewoman of all time. Now, I was hoping you would reconsider the wording. It imposes certain… restrictions.

Okay, yes, what Roarke does is amusing, but also infuriating. Roarke is all ~I~ can’t help it if one naked chick is more famous than every other woman who ever rode a horse. Yes, you damn can help it. You know what she means. This is bullshit.

Roarke: May I have the key, Tattoo?
Steve Pryor: The key? What key?
Roarke: To your office. It’s just across the street.
[Steve looks at the magic door.]
Steve Pryor: There’s no office across the street. There’s just the waterfall.

Hm, that’s some new information: the waterfall is across the “street” from the main house. Interesting. I wonder if they mean the waterfall set, or the waterfall in the opening credits.

Also, when will they learn not to ask Tattoo to hold onto anything.

Roarke: As I said, your office is just across the street.
[Roarke motions towards the magic door.]

If we assume this street they are talking about is the “street” in front of the main house, then that would mean Roarke is indicating that the wall with the magic door if at the front of the house. Which would put the wall with the three windows at the back of the house, and the entrance to Roarke’s office would also be near the back of the house, which seems inefficient. And I feel like they’ve always tried to make it seem like the wall with the windows is at the front of the house, even though I don’t think that’s possible, considering the patio. Although, I don’t think they’ve ever looked out the window after the patio doors appeared… so, maybe they completely renovated the main house to add the patio doors, and just rotated Roarke’s office. If we never see them look out those windows again, that would be great.

Omg. The guy opens the magic door, and the magic room has apparently decided to be the Guardian of Forever today. So it looks like the real waterfall is supposed to be across the street from the main house, which is dumb. Are we supposed to assume the real waterfall and the waterfall set are the same waterfall? Ehhh, I guess I could buy it. Like, we’re only seeing the bottom of the waterfall, maybe.

Steve’s office is on “modern” day (ie. 1981) Hollywood Boulevard. He goes into his office, and then they zoom in on a suspicious-looking out-of-place gangster. This is gonna be a fun fantasy.

AHahaha Ken Berry in a wig. I don’t know if I would have realized it was him if I didn’t see his name in the opening credits.

Shelia: I’ll sue, Roarke. I swear, I’ll sue!

Michelle Phillips gets to play the best guest characters.

I’m pretty sure that bird statue was in 2×3 “The Last Whodunnit”. So, how did the statue get from there to here? Did the dead author’s niece sell off all her ugly bird statues, and Roarke bought one to decorate other fantasies?

They’ve got a guy playing Humphrey Bogart, who I feel might be the most recent real person they’ve had someone play on the show. Most of the historical figures are much older, like Cleopatra or Lady Godiva or Elizabeth Bathory. There was also Jack the Ripper, and then there will be Bojangles. I can’t think of any others; maybe that’s something I should have been tracking.

Humphrey Bogart: No one can see or hear me but you.

Shelia Godfrey: It’s about time you showed up! There’s been some terrible mistake. You’ve mixed me up in someone else’s fantasy.
Roarke: Oh, I assure you, that cannot happen. Our system is entirely reliable.

Roarke: I did warn you about the unexpected, didn’t I?

Hmm, I feel like I would remember if he ~warned~ her. I think he only mentioned “the unexpected” to Tattoo.

Steven’s secretary is the best. The cops are after him, and she tells him there’s a window in the ladies’ room he can sneak out of. When the cops show up, she yells “a guy just ran down that hall!” and she is clearly very excited to be a part of this fantasy.

What are the chairs from Fantasy Island doing out in the world?

Steve is doing the bit where the detective explains the entire crime to all the other characters. I’m not a huge film noir fan or anything, but honestly, a film noir fantasy would be pretty fun.

Steve is pre-occupied, but we can see that the bad guy is up to something, trying to get the gun maybe. Bogart is pointing at the bad guy, but for some reason, he doesn’t say anything, even though only the main character can hear him.

Humphrey Bogart: You should have smacked her. Why the hell did you stop yourself? That’s all those kind of dames understand.
Steve Pryor: Bogey, I keep telling you; times have changed.

Whoa, hey, has anyone ever said “hell” on this show before? I don’t even remember the devil saying it? Could they even say *cuckoo* on television in 1981? Did this just slip past the censors?

And what? Fantasy Island being progressive for once?

[Sheila and Sir John and making out.]
Roarke [whispering]: Your fantasy is over.
[Shelia holds up five fingers and mouths “five”.]
[Roarke shakes his head.]
[Shelia mouths “please”.]
[Roarke begins to protest, but then turns away and allows them to continue.]

Roarke has been getting pushed around by people a lot lately. Or maybe he’s just become a softie.

Steve Pryor: Here’s lookin’ at you, Mr. Roarke.

lol even Tattoo rolled his eyes at this.

Tattoo: It’s too bad you didn’t do more riding.
Roarke: Oh, Miss Godfrey can make up for that when she gets home to Montana, Tattoo. I am shipping Lancelot — my stallion, not the donkey, I assure you — to your home as a special gift.

Aww, that’s sweet, after he completely ripped her off with her fantasy. Although, I mean… I guess the real point of most fantasies is for people to fall in love. If I could pay a significant amount of money to spend a weekend on an island, and if I was guaranteed to leave with my soulmate, yeah, that’d probably be worth it.

Tattoo: Boss?
Roarke: Hm?
Tattoo: Did she really ride…
Roarke: What?
Tattoo: Well, you know…
Roarke: All I know is what I read in history books, Tattoo. After all, I wasn’t ~there~… was I?

Are you telling me Tattoo has been working with Roarke for — at minimum — four years, and he still hasn’t figured out that Mr. Roarke is not like us?

Actually, it would be kind of interesting to watch this series with only the scenes where Tattoo was present. I suppose it’s possible Tattoo knows Roarke can do “magic”, but not that he’s buds with every famous person in history.

The guy who played Bogart apparently plays him in a lot of shows; he was in a movie called The Man with Bogart’s Face, which also starred Michelle Phillips, and Misty Rowe and Jack the Ripper were in it too.

• Guests:
  • Miss Shelia Godfrey from Branston’s Forge, a small town in Montana
  • Mr. Steve Pryor, a law student
• Roarke’s drink: same old
• Ominous shot of Roarke drinking: not really
• Costume change: Roarke wears a white riding outfit with a brown and beige ascot.
• Magic trail and magic fog:
  • Roarke: Just ride down that trail, and he will carry you into your fantasy.
• Time travel: Shelia Godfrey travels back in time to medieval England.
• Locations: Palm Court Hotel
• Roarke in disguise: As a minstrel in Shelia Godfrey’s fantasy.
  
• Disappearing act: Roarke walks out of a tent, and when Shelia follows, he’s gone.
• Magic object:
  • [I don’t know if this counts. The bag contains a wig she can use to pretend she’s Lady Godiva.]
    Roarke: Use this bag of tricks. Use your imagination, and your courage, and make your fantasy come true.
• Recurring phrases:
  • Roarke [to Sheila]: Your fantasy is over.
• Leaving with an extra guest: Shelia Godfrey with new boyfriend John Apensdale